BW 002: Eight Ways to Honor Your Loved One

Below you'll find the transcript for the show.  You can watch the video CLICK HERE or listen to the podcast HERE.

Transcript:

Brave Widow Show 002
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Emily Jones: [00:00:00] Welcome to the Brave Widow Podcast. I'm your host, Emily Jones. We help young widows heal their heart, find hope, and dream again for the future. All right, let's get started.

All right guys today we're gonna talk about eight ways to honor your loved one so that you can move forward in life without feeling like you're leaving them behind.

I actually created a minicourse on it on the website that you can access 100% for free. I also have a full workbook that you can download where you can take notes, you can circle ideas that stand out to you and just use it as a way to streamline and organize some of your thoughts within each of these eight categories.

There's a total of over 56 or so detailed ideas or suggestions on what you can do to honor your [00:01:00] loved one. Now, the first thing to keep in mind is that there's no right or wrong way for you to honor your loved one outside of what resonates the most with you. So while, for example, there's 50 something ideas in the mini-course,

the point of it isn't to overwhelm you with the expectation or the thought that you should be doing any of them or all of them, but it's really a way for you to get an idea of what you might like to do. This is one of the top things that I get asked is what can I do during the holidays or how do I handle.

the dreaded death anniversary, which is the anniversary of your loved one's death. Those are really challenging and complicated times, and people are looking for ways that they can incorporate their loved one without also making it overly sad or traumatic or as a negative part of an event. Today I'm gonna share with you the eight ways or [00:02:00] categories of ways that I like to honor a loved one,

and some of these ideas are gathered from all corners of the internet. So number one, keepsakes. Keepsakes are things that your loved one owned, or maybe wore, or maybe it's something repurposed from something that they owned. So for example, Nathan had a watch that he wore pretty much daily. Often I'll wear that watch if I wanna feel like he's close or nearby or to special events.

Some people also do things like creating blankets or teddy bears or some sort of other thing out of t-shirts that they wore, or maybe some of their favorite clothes. Other people I know may take their handwriting and print that on a blanket or a shirt or have it as a tattoo or a piece of jewelry.

It's really the sky's the limit there with what you can [00:03:00] do with their keepsakes. I know in the early days, especially of traveling for work, I would take Nathan's phone with me or maybe his wallet with me, and I don't know why. Exactly. I felt like I needed to have those things in my work bag, but it did help me feel closer to him to physically have some of the objects that he owned with me pretty much at all time.

All right. Number two is living legacy. And this can look like many different things. Maybe your person had a special skill set or something that they did for other people. So maybe for example, Nathan was a great cook and often hosted big family get togethers. I'm 10% of the cook or the chef that he was, although I've definitely improved out of necessity over this past year.

But I did learn that I can actually smoke pork fairly well, whether it's ribs or a pork butt or something like that. And so for a [00:04:00] few family occasions, I've actually smoked some meat and tried to give back to other people in a way that Nathan did, which is by hosting and having a good meal that people can.

Living Legacy could also mean that there could be something about you that your loved one encouraged you. Maybe they thought you were a great artist or good at sewing, or maybe you are the great cook or baker or whatever your special talent is. But if it's something your loved one encouraged you to do or saw special in you,

lean into that more, and think of them whenever you're doing that thing or whenever you're fulfilling a role or a task of something that they used to do for the people around you.

Number three is to give back. Volunteer maybe at a place that your loved one volunteered at, donate to a cause that they supported or maybe start up your own support group.

It's common for people to start things [00:05:00] like a craft circle or scrapbooking group or some sort of therapy or grief support group. All of those things can be great if you volunteer your time and you're willing to give back to other people. This is a great way to honor the memory of the person that you love and have lost.

It's a core reason why I started Brave Widow as a way to give back and a way to love other people, even a small percentage of the way that Nathan loved me. Number four is to travel. So you have several different options here with traveling. You could travel to a place that you like to go to together and has a lot of fond memories.

Or maybe your person wasn't a traveler or there was a place that they didn't want to travel to, and now you have the opportunity to do that and start to formulate new memories. One of Nathan's favorite places to go to is St. Augustine, Florida, and he was really big into [00:06:00] a few different things, one of which was pirates.

And I had done some research on what places in America have much to do with pirates, and for some reason historic St. Augustine came up as one of those places. So on a whim we chose St. Augustine, and a few years ago we went there for the very first time and he fell in love with the history, the architecture.

St. Augustine is one of the first cities ever founded in the United States which is incredible. It has one of the, I think only still standing forts there. So there was just a lot about the culture and the history that we really enjoyed and visiting there. We have gone three or four times together, but we had never taken the kids and so last year

for what would've been our 21st anniversary I really debated whether or not I should take the kids there. Like I felt I wanted to be there. I wanted to travel there to remember some of the times that we had shared, but I wasn't sure [00:07:00] whether or not I would enjoy also having the kids there or if they would enjoy that area.

I ended up taking them and they absolutely loved it. They loved the time that we shared. They loved me mentioning some of Nathan's favorite things, getting to eat some of his favorite foods at his favorite places, and overall it was a great experience. On the flip side, I've also traveled to a place that he always wanted to go but never went to, and probably given some of his anxiety with travel, would have stressed out about going to which was England. So I took my first ever trip to Europe a few months ago and had just an incredible experience, made some new memories and enjoyed the trip overall.

Number five is to savor their favorites. Whether it's their favorite food, whether it's creating a playlist with some of their favorite music, maybe it's watching a marathon of their favorite movies, whatever they really enjoyed [00:08:00] and they consider to be their favorites, just. Savor in some of those favorite things.

It's a great way to remember that person and to make them feel like they're a little bit closer to you because you may be more closely associated with some of the things that they absolutely loved.

One of Nathan's favorite things to do was to shoot firearms, and while I never really got into that when he was still here, it's really become something that I've enjoyed learning more about, about practicing and safety and some of the shooting drills.

Like I've really just enjoyed practicing that hobby and it always makes me think of him.

Number six is to take action. Do something, create something, plant something.

Start a movement, but take action and cause a positive ripple effect in memory and honor of your loved one. Number seven is memorials. And there are [00:09:00] so many ideas of what you could do here. In fact, I recently had a memorial garden installed in my yard off to the side and it's just an amazing place of reflection and serenity and anytime I think about it or see it, I immediately think about him.

Some people will have memorial benches, maybe a tattoo of something in their handwriting or something that they frequently said or with their name on it. There are just so many things you could do from a memorial perspective for your loved one.

So one of my favorite things that we've done from a memorial perspective and a tribute perspective was a suggestion by my counselor and psychologist at the time. And essentially what we did is we had an extended family get together. We asked everyone to bring a memory or a funny story or maybe a word

that reminded them of Nathan. [00:10:00] And around Sunset, we took everyone outside and we passed out one or two glow sticks to people depending on how many things that they'd like to share. And we all stood in a circle, and one by one people would share their story or their memory. They would crack the glow stick and toss it out in the middle.

So once everyone had gone around and they were able to share in the middle of the circle, we had all these glow sticks that were now lit, just piled up in the center. So we had the kids take the glow sticks and arrange them in the shape of a heart, and we took a moment of silence to look at all of the memories and the stories and the things that represented Nathan's life and it was just such a cool moment. And while it was a little bit sad, this was really hardly 30 days from the day that we lost him. Overall, it was a [00:11:00] great memorial and tribute and something that I'd like to do again at some point in the future.

And lastly, number eight is events. There are a lot of things that you could do around events as well, such as maybe reserving a table at Thanksgiving for your loved one.

There's a company that I just ran across on Instagram called Shop Grief Box, and it was founded by these two women where the mother lost her son, which was the sister's brother. So they both have lost someone fairly recently, and one of the ways that they're giving back to others is they've created these place settings for people to be able to

memorialize in a sense, their loved one, having a place setting at a table for them for these holiday get togethers. And it even includes a place where you can hang a picture of your loved one, but it's not so intrusive that you can't have conversations over the place setting or that it's really more than it needs to be.

And I thought that was [00:12:00] such a great idea and something. Very generous and thoughtful that these ladies had put together. So that's one way to, to think about them during the holidays. One of the things that I like to do is I always fill a stocking for Nathan, so I hang it up. Creates a presence in our home with his name on it.

I fill it with some things that he really would enjoy or some of his favorite treats, and then a bonus for me on Christmas day. I get to spend some time going through it, maybe enjoying some of his favorite treats, and really just remembering the essence of who he was on Christmas Day.

Some people also have events that they create for their loved one, whether it's a picnic annually and remembrance of their loved one or a celebration of life. There are really no limits to what you could do here with events. All right guys, those are the eight ways that you can honor your loved one.

Do you need a [00:13:00] safe space to connect with other like-minded widows? Do you wish you had how-tos for getting through the next steps in your journey? Organizing your life or moving through grief? What about live calls where you get answers to your burning questions? The Brave Widow Membership Community is just what you need.

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