BW 035: Ideas for Celebrating Father's Day as a Widow + Mother

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Being a widow makes celebrating Mother's Day and Father's Day a little tricky and a little tough at times, and one of the of the questions that I've been hearing most recently is, What can I do with my kids to honor my late spouse on Father's Day?

So I have some ideas. I have some things that I've done, but more importantly, I went to the experts. I asked various groups of widows what they do to honor their late spouse on Father's Day, and they came back with some really, great suggestions and ideas. So I'm hoping that in today's episode, although it'll be shorter and sweeter than normal, that you walk away with some ideas and some inspiration of things that you can do to honor your light spouse, with your kids.

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The Brave Widow Community is a place where you can connect with other widows, find hope and healing, and begin to dream again for the future.  Learn more at bravewidow.com.  

Hey guys, I’m Emily Jones

I was widowed at age 37, one month shy of our 20 year wedding anniversary.  Nathan and I have four beautiful children together.  My world was turned completely upside down when I lost him.  With faith, community, and wisdom from others, I’ve been able to find hope, joy, and dream again for the future.  I want to help others do the same, too!

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Emily Jones: [00:00:00] Hey, hey. Welcome to episode number 35 of the Brave Widow Show. You know, being a widow makes celebrating Mother's Day and Father's Day a little tricky and a little tough at times, and one of the of the questions that I've been hearing most recently is, What can I do with my kids to honor my late spouse on Father's Day? 

So I have some ideas. I have some things that I've done, but more importantly, I went to the experts. I asked various groups of widows what they do to honor their late spouse on Father's Day, and they came back with some really, great suggestions and ideas. So I'm hoping that in today's episode, although it'll be shorter and sweeter than normal, that you walk away with some ideas and some inspiration of things that you can do to honor your light spouse, with your kids. 

And [00:01:00] you don't have to do all these, there's no right or wrong answer to what that looks like for you and your family, and you can modify any of them. That's the great thing about it. But, I'm hopeful that this helps encourage you that there are great ways to honor your light spouse on some of those more difficult and challenging holidays. 

So I have three categories of ideas, if you will, that we're gonna go through. Uh, the first one is referring to items that are still his as his. The second one is in sharing memories and reminiscing, and the third one is living out their legacy. All right, so let's jump into the first category here, which are referring to items that are his still as his. 

So one widow shared that when her husband died that she never turned off his phone. So she still has his phone with all his [00:02:00] photos, the games, the apps, all of that good stuff, and her kids get so many minutes, so much time per day that they get to play with daddy's phone, and that's what they refer to it as. 

So every day there's conversation around, okay, now it's your turn to play with daddy's phone. Okay, where is Daddy's phone? Let's make sure it gets charged up. It's just something that has become very normalized in their conversation and. For me, this is something that's been important. Like I still say, oh, that's in your dad's closet. 

Oh, that's out in the da, your dad's shop. Or, oh, that's your dad's sink in the bathroom. Even though my stuff is there now, um, I still refer to those things as his, and that has really helped me. Feel not so choked up whenever I talk about it. And I think as a family has helped us to normalize that we're still talking about that person and including them as part of our family. 

Even though [00:03:00] now it looks a little bit different. All right, so that same widow shared that they have a car that's dad's car, that was his car, his baby. And every Friday she will take the kids to school in his car and they will also listen to daddy's music. So they have a playlist of his favorite songs and songs that he would listen to frequently. 

So every Friday they're taking dad's car to school and listening specifically to his music and really that. Is the only time that they drive that car. So to them it's very solidified in their mind that, okay, we're specifically taking dad's car and listening to his music. And you know, she reiterated that on those days it's not, Like they have to spend a lot of time talking about 'em. 

It's not a sad thing, it's just a special trip. Sometimes just being in his car and being together [00:04:00] is really what makes them smile and makes them enjoy the day. So I thought that those were really cool ideas. 

All right. Our second category here is sharing memories and reminiscing of that person and one person suggested or said that they talk about their late spouse a lot, and they'll say, oh, he really would've liked this, or he would not have liked that. 

Or, oh, that was, you know, his favorite food to eat. Or, this is something he really enjoyed doing. But just in day-to-day activities, and especially on Father's Day, making sure that they incorporate him as part of their conversation. And one of the best things that. I did for my kids was, um, Nathan was really loved to visit St. 

Augustine, Florida. And so about just over a year after we lost him, I took packed up all the kids and took them with me to St. Augustine. We [00:05:00] had been there maybe three or four times before he died, and I really just had the time of my life. Telling them, you know, why he liked that place so much. Taking them to all the different historic locations, the activities that were there, the shops, the food, and, and just being able to say, you know, your dad really liked this about this place. 

This is why he liked this food. This is why he liked this restaurant. You know, he thought this would be something he always wanted to bring you guys to. And it really just ended up being such a beautiful trip where we really got to incorporate him into our overall family vacation. And a lot of it was centered around things that he enjoyed and maybe they got to see a little different side of their dad during that trip and just really enjoy some of the things that he liked and enjoyed there too. 

Uh, another person suggested, or what they did was they [00:06:00] uploaded a private YouTube video with everything they had of their late spouse that would be helpful for their kids. So they often will watch that video together and talk about him and just share memories. And I thought a YouTube video was a great place and way to do that because it's something that's accessible pretty much from wherever you are as long as you have access to that private link and you know how to get there. It's not something that's just physically limited to one person being able to have it or view it at one time, but it's something that as long as YouTube's around pretty much can live on forever, um, out there. So I thought that that was really cool as well. 

Another widow suggested writing letters and cards to their dad. So, um, they would write letters throughout the year, but then they also would buy cards like for every holiday, especially [00:07:00] Father's Day, Christmas, his birthday, and the kids would write letters and notes to him. And what I thought, what was so interesting and unique about this idea was, Not only is it a great way for kids to capture what they wanna say to their dad or to take time to reflect on who he was in their life, or maybe they didn't know him. 

And so it was a way to express the desire of wanting them to have known them and them to be in their lives, but even more so, I thought it was an interesting way to capture. As the kids grow up and as they're moving through different milestones, how are they feeling at that time and how are they feeling about the relationship and about what they wish was better or different, or in place physically that they don't get [00:08:00] the opportunity to have. It's almost like a journal of sorts, right? So if I am a kid that's five that lost my dad, I have a different mindset and desire and relationship with him in my mind than I do when I'm 15, when I'm 25, when I'm 40. Like you get to not only process and experience what it is that you want to say to that person that's not here, but then retrospectively you can look and see over time how has that morphed and changed? How was I feeling about it a year ago or 10 years ago versus how I feel about it now? And this is something I would like to incorporate for myself. 

To say if I was gonna write a letter to Nathan, the letter would look much differently at week one than it does today. And how cool would that be to have that documented and memorialized where you can look back on [00:09:00] that in the future and see the growth and the change and the things that have happened, and see how you still keep that person as a part of your life. 

I just thought that was a great idea. Several people mentioned having a memory book or a memory box where you have photos and notes and letters and maybe even, um, things that they owned, things like their clothing or favorite cologne or, uh, things that they enjoyed. Just enjoyed having around them. Um, for one of my kids, you know, they were missing their dad and so I took out one of his hoodies that I still have hung up in the closet and I sprayed his cologne on it. 

And it was almost an overwhelming wave of emotion that hit them, and almost surprising of just how real that smell and the sight of [00:10:00] something so familiar was in bringing his memory, um, back to them. And so that's a really great way of getting kind of that fresh wave of memory of, um, memorializing and, and just remembering things about them and who they were. 

All right, so our third category of things is, well, I would say living out their legacy and creating things that can live on, uh, even though they're no longer with us. So one person shared that their spouse had written a book and they went ahead and published the book in their name. How amazing is that? 

Um, another, that same person actually mentioned that their spouse, Had artwork and so they donated some of the artwork to a local museum and I thought, how incredibly generous, because Nathan had some artwork, but I [00:11:00] definitely don't feel like donating it to a museum. Maybe as I get older and more, more generous in that regard, that will happen. 

But um, I thought that was a really cool way to have something that really will be there in that museum. Likely for as long as it's there and in their name. And just, just something that was really cool. Um, another person shared that their spouse had started a model pirate ship. So you know, one of those like models with all the pieces that you would have to put together. 

And unfortunately their spouse was only able to make it halfway through building out that model. Now her son was not old enough. At the time and still isn't old enough to finish building out that pirate ship, but her plan is to hold onto that and as her son gets old enough, have him complete building that out so that retrospectively it's something [00:12:00] that they can look back on and recognize the fact that they both built that together. 

And I just thought that was a really cool idea and something that if you've been frustrated because your spouse was someone who started a bunch of projects and never finished 'em, this is a great way to say, okay, someone's gonna help finish these, and we're able to look at it. With the concept of, you know, we both worked on this together. 

Our hands were both on it. We both spent time and energy and effort. Putting this together, just because it didn't happen at the exact same time, doesn't take away the fact that here is a physical representation of something that we were able to do together. And I just thought that was a really unique and sweet idea. 

All right. The next one is to engage in their favorite activities. So on Father's Day, maybe that's [00:13:00] a great opportunity to do things that they loved. You know, Nathan loved going to the movies. He loved, you know, going out to eat at a nice restaurant. He, um, enjoyed collecting watches. In fact, uh, he used to always tell me he wanted to wear his Apple watch for convenience plus a regular manual watch because he just appreciated the, uh, level of effort and ingenuity it took to really build a nice manual watch. 

So he had these collections of watches and he tried to wear two at the same time, once or twice, and I just told him like, no. Just don't do it. So, uh, I was never big into watches, but now I really have an appreciation for them, and part of that is because I'm engaging in something that he was interested in and that he really enjoyed. 

So I find myself now either wearing some of his watches a lot more or having some of my own that I like to wear, just as a way to feel a little bit [00:14:00] closer to him and to engage in something that he really enjoyed and cared about. But maybe your late spouse liked fishing or going to a car show, or you know, walking around Home Depot, who knows whatever it is, engaging in some of their favorite activities, especially with your kids, will really help reinforce some of the memories that you had together and help refresh some of those experiences and just honor your person in doing that. 

Um, another thing that you could do is cook one of their favorite meals or eat at one of their favorite restaurants. Um, that's a great way to say, you know, maybe this isn't my favorite thing to eat or drink or do, but we all know like, this is dad's favorite dessert, or his favorite kind of prime rib, or whatever it is. 

Um, just enjoying that together as a family can be a really nice way to [00:15:00] honor them on Father's Day. And then lastly, contributing to something that they cared about. So maybe your late spouse is, was into youth sports, or maybe they were into, you know, animal rescues and getting animals placed into homes, or maybe they were into, who knows what type of cause was important to them and they cared about, maybe it was the local church, maybe it was the homeless shelter, whatever it was. 

Whether you spend time engaging in that, or you and your kids volunteer. Or you and your kids raise money to give towards that, or you help promote the awareness and, uh, gain rally together additional support for, um, that organization, whatever it is, it can be a great way of still remembering them and honoring their memory, um, especially around Father's Day. 

[00:16:00] All right. Well, like I said, this was going to be short and sweet today, but hopefully you got at least one new idea of something that you could do not only on Father's Day, but really to help keep your person in your life and in your kid's life in a way that just feels normal and natural and good. 

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Emily Jones: Hey guys. Thank you so much for listening to the Brave Widow Podcast. I would love to help you take your next step, whether that's healing your heart, finding hope, or achieving your dreams for the future. 

Do you need a safe space to connect with other like-minded widows? Do you wish you had how-tos for getting through the next steps in your journey, organizing your life or moving through grief? What about live calls where you get answers to your burning questions? The Brave Widow Membership Community is just what you [00:17:00] need. 

Inside you'll find courses to help guide you, a community of other widows to connect with, live coaching and q and a calls, and small group coaching where you can work on what matters most to you. Learn how to heal your heart, find hope, reclaim joy, and dream again for the future. It is possible. Head on over to brave widow.com to learn more.