BW 128: Widowhood, a Blended Family, and Finances: Life Lessons with Donna Kendrick
Dec 12, 2024[TRANSCRIPT BELOW]
Emily sits down with returning guest Donna Kendrick, CFP®, author, and founder of Sephton Financial.
After losing her husband suddenly in 2013, Donna navigated the complexities of widowhood while raising three young children.
Today, she helps families in transition make sense of their financial futures.
Donna shares her journey of grief, healing, and resilience, including the challenges of blending families and the lessons she’s learned about financial planning and creating a joyful new life.
Highlights:
- Overcoming the financial and emotional challenges of unexpected loss.
- Donna’s practical advice for widows on managing finances and finding hope.
- Insights into blending families after remarriage.
- Resources for widows, including her books A Guide to Widowhood and A Guide to Blended Families.
Don’t miss the 2024 Widow Winter Solstice on December 19th, where Donna will be a featured panelist! Register now at bravewidow.com/winter.
š Connect with Donna Kendrick:
Website: donnajeankendrick.com
Podcast: Wisdom and Wealth
Books: A Guide to Widowhood and A Guide to Blended Families available on Amazon.
IG - https://www.instagram.com/donnajeankendrick/
YT - https://www.youtube.com/@donnajeankendrick
TT - https://www.tiktok.com/@donnajeankendrick
FB - https://www.facebook.com/DonnaJeanKendrick/
Link For Free Gift: https://sephtonfinancial.com/webinar/
š¬ Let us know what resonated with you most in the comments below!
Chapters:
01:34 Meet Donna Kendrick
03:11 Donna's Journey Through Widowhood
09:11 Blending Families and New Beginnings
16:39 Navigating New Family Dynamics
17:01 Embracing Storytelling in Blended Families
18:12 Financial Planning and Transparency
22:10 Communicating with Extended Family
24:37 Balancing Work and Family Life
30:19 Advice for Dating and Remarriage
31:39 Resources and Closing Remarks
š If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform. Your feedback helps us reach more widows and support them on their journey to healing.
#WidowSupport #GriefJourney #HealingTogether #LifeAfterLoss
Resources:
- Brave New Widow free guidebook: https://www.bravewidow.com/start
- Secure your free spot for the Widow Winter Solstice: https://www.bravewidow.com/winter
- Join the Brave Widow Membership Community: https://www.bravewidow.com/join
Join the Brave Widow Community:
If you're feeling overwhelmed and unsure of your next step in your grief journey, now is the time to take action. The Brave Widow Membership is here to provide you with the support, guidance, and community you need to heal and rediscover joy. Don’t go through this alone—join us today and start moving forward with confidence. https://www.bravewidow.com/join
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Hey hey, I’m Emily Tanner. I was widowed at age 37, one month shy of our 20 year wedding anniversary. Nathan and I have four beautiful children together, and my world was turned completely upside down when I lost him.
Now, I love my life again! I’m able to experience joy, achieve goals and dreams I thought I’d lost, and rediscover this next version of me.
I did the work.
I invested in coaching for myself.
I learned what I needed to do to move forward and took the steps.
I implemented the tools and strategies that I use for my clients in my coaching program.
This is for you, if:
- You want a faith-based approach to coaching
- You want to move forward after loss, and aren’t sure how
- You want to enjoy life without feeling weighed down by guilt, sadness, or regret
- You want a guide to help navigate this journey to the next version of you
- You want to rediscover who you are
- Join the Brave Widow Community: https://www.bravewidow.com/join
- Schedule a consult with Emily: https://calendly.com/bravewidow/widow-consult-call?month=2024-08
Find and take the next steps to move forward (without “moving on”).
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ā Feeling lost and unsure of how to move forward
ā Constantly battling with grief and confusion
ā Not knowing where to begin to create a new future
I’m here to help you.
Through 1-1 coaching and our Brave Widow community, you’ll get the tools, support, and step-by-step guidance to:
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Process your grief effectively
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TRANSCRIPT
ā
[00:00:00] Emily: Hey, hey, and welcome to episode number 128 of the Brave Widow show. Today I talk with Donna Kendrick, who's a return guest. on the Brave Widow show. And I know that you're really going to enjoy the insights that she has to share. Before we dive into her episode, I want to make sure you haven't signed up already, that you sign up to join us for the 2024 Widow Winter Solstice event that's happening on Thursday, December 19th from 7pm to 9pm Central Time.
Donna is actually one of our five panelists and she's going to help tackle some of your tough, challenging questions and topics and share her perspective on widowhood and what she has learned since that time. Right now, if you go to BraveWidow. com, you can sign up. The Widow Winter Solstice form is on the homepage of the Brave Widow site. We're going to have our panelists. We're going to have giveaways. Donna has signed some books for us, which is amazing. We're going to give some of those away.
We have Amazon gift cards, like all the good things, and we would love to see you there. And, you're not going to have to be on camera. So wear your comfy clothes, wear your PJs, pour a hot cup of cocoa, whatever you want to do, but we would love to see you there again to sign up. You just go to BraveWidow.
com. All right, let me introduce Donna. Donna Kendrick is a certified financial planner, practitioner, and founder of Sephton Financial. After losing her husband suddenly in 2013, Donna navigated widowhood with three young children, inspiring her to support families in transition through financial planning. She is the host of the Wisdom and Wealth podcast and author of A Guide to Widowhood and A Guide for Blended Families.
Donna is an avid long distance runner who, through her running group, raises funds for causes such as Safe Harbor, a grief counseling program for children. She lives in Jenkintown, Pennsylvania with her husband Jim and their six children. You can find Donna on various social media channels at Donna Jean Kendrick.
Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, Facebook, and then she also has a free gift for you at sephtonfinancial.com/webinar. And I will include all of her links in the show notes.
Donna, welcome back to the show and thank you for being willing to share your story with us.
[00:02:42] Donna: Emily, thank you so much for having me again and thank you for all that you do out there. I follow you social media and your email newsletters and really proud of how you give back to the community. So thank you on behalf of all those widows sitting out there.
[00:02:57] Emily: Thank you. I really appreciate that. Let's see, we had Donna on the show.
It was episode 32 back in May of 2023, which is crazy because that's about 18 months ago and it doesn't seem like it's been that long. Donna is also going to be on our Widow Winter Solstice panel that's coming up in December and she very generously donated some signed copies of her book. So if you're watching or listening, I'm actually holding up a copy of her book.
We have several of these we're going to be giving away along with some other books. And so we would love for you all to join us. The first time we talked a lot about juggling motherhood and widowhood and just trying to do, be everything to everyone and all of the things. But for people that haven't watched or listened, Donna, I'm sure they'd love to know more about you and your background and a high level overview of your story.
If you don't mind to share.
[00:03:52] Donna: Sure. Thank you. I'm more than happy. For all the listeners, I am born and raised in Philadelphia. So if I say water with an R on the end, I'm very sorry. I also dropped the Gs off of action verbs. So here we go. So hi everyone. I am Donna Jean Kendrick. Thank God my story starts like so many with an unexpected loss, right?
Back in 2013, my husband and I had just moved back from living abroad for seven years. He had worked for Homeland Security and we were over in Rome. I had given up my career to follow him there. We had three young kids, ages eight, oh, 11 and 12. We just moved back to the Philadelphia area. And oh, that made me so happy.
I could speak English and I could go through Dunkin Donuts. The coffee is fantastic in Italy. But Dunkin Donuts, it means something deep in my heart.
[00:04:43] Emily: That's amazing. Yes. Yes. It
[00:04:46] Donna: is. And yeah, and so we were back in the area and he passed away suddenly. It was just 11 years. So it was right before Thanksgiving that year and he had taken his own life.
And wow, like it was just. Yeah, shattering and numbing. And you're like, what the heck? And financially it was so rough because not only were we just moving back stateside, we had just purchased a new home. So all of our liquid cash and equity were in the house. I only had one credit card in my name.
I had gone against all the financial advice. My mom who had gotten divorced like 15 years before had told me Don't depend on anyone, always have your own cash supply, always have a credit card in your name. And there I was, like all of a sudden I lost all of the income from the family, I lost my best friend, and I had three little kids.
What are you gonna do next? So I really got some help back then. from a financial advisor who I had been introduced to from another friend whose husband had passed and she had four kids and she looked like she was doing okay. So I like called, I was like, who's your guy or girl, please tell me. So that person really helped.
And with the strength of the community that we moved into, I was able to get my footing, I call it right. And went through that first year of just experiencing the year of the first. For me personally. And I don't know if I shared this Emily in our last podcast, the second year was harder than the first year.
I was like the brave widow in my mind, like a number one rockstar status. I was going to be fine. People are going to say, when they said, how done in the kids after Craig's passing there. Oh, she's doing great. It's all I wanted. And then the reality of year two came in like this was it. Nothing was going to change.
The only thing that could change would be me and what I was going to change life for my kids. So with the blessing of my financial advisor, I decided to switch my career. And went back to school studied to become a certified financial planner and told my advisor, I wanted to do what he did for me, for other people.
And wound up, yeah, no, 11 years later, owning Sephton Financial. That is my maiden name, named after my dad who was a Philadelphia firefighter and told me he would never have his name on a wall because, he was a blue collar guy. So I was like, yeah, I'll let you do that. And we actually
[00:06:56] Emily: There you go, dad.
[00:06:58] Donna: Yeah, you got it. You got your name on the wall. People don't know why I named it that. It's hard to pronounce. Really hard to Google. Yeah, my marketing person's really? You're so smooth. Yeah, I owe it to the guy. But yeah, and so we specialize in Advice for families in transition. And so I wrote a book called the guide to widowhood about two years ago, because that was like right after we're right during COVID it's like I hung my shingle in 2020 and I figured there was just so many people who couldn't get the basic financial advice because we were all staying at home, or they're just too scared or they don't think they have enough or they're smart enough to go to a financial advisor. So they don't ask for help. And so they asked like crazy cousin, Bobby. Like I used to call him Uncle Bobby, but now he's moving into cousin because I'm older. So crazy cousin, Bobby what should we be doing?
And so I just wanted to get some skillsets, some downloadable resources in that book. And so if anyone wants any of the downloadable resources, you can get them. It's at DonnaJeanKendrick. com. So everything in that book is available. And for people who just want to understand how to run their budget on their own.
Many of us didn't make the decisions about the finances. I was lucky enough in my marriage that I made the decisions personally for the day to day, but I didn't make the bigger decisions, the retirement decisions, the how much of a house are we going to buy? That was my late husband. I had to learn all that like a big girl on my own.
Welcome to year two. That was the hard part
[00:08:20] Emily: with three kids. Yeah.
[00:08:21] Donna: Yeah. Intel, right? Like it started grief and guilt. No, that lovely stuff that was coming with me when I made these decisions. And then, yeah. And so it's 11 years later, we've learned a lot of lessons and I work specifically with this space.
But then was blessed enough many years ago to meet a wonderful man. And two years ago, got remarried to my new husband, Jim blended our family. So we now have six kids, 14 to 24. So if I sound tired, that's it. And my stepkids, their mom passed away last year. So we are like truly the blend.
And it's remarkable to see how the experiences from my three older have really helped the three younger. And it's a remarkable about how quickly you go back to that feeling. of the grief and how to help our kids and how to support them while keeping food on the table and earning a living right when we just want to cuddle around them.
So we wrote a second book and that was called a guide to blended families. And a lot of in those pages, I'm going to be very honest are my struggles. To share after 10 years of being a widow and having it all my way, some good and some bad, but all the decisions were mine to go back into that being a bit vulnerable again.
And what does that look like? Don't know if I'm all the way there, but at least I share some experiences in the pages.
[00:09:43] Emily: Oh, I love it. Thank you so much for sharing that. And I think your perspective is so needed for people that are in that first year, two years, three years to be able to see the joy and the beautiful smile that you have, 11 years down the road and not that you didn't have it before then.
But to be able to say, eventually that I'll get to that place. Robert and I got married in February of this year. And it's, thank you. I had four, he had one. So we have five together and it is a struggle with blending families and figuring out the routines and figuring out, how clean is one person versus the other person and what are all their habits and, feeling like You can make a decision.
You can eat cake anytime you want. You can spend your money however you want. And no one is questioning that. And then all of a sudden you're like, Oh yeah, there's another person here to make decisions with in a partnership. And so I love to hear more about your journey and some of the insights that you have to share as you started to be in this relationship and merge your two families together.
[00:10:59] Donna: Yeah. So I just got a real quick tell a story. So my first husband, Greg, we used to call him beige boy. He was just very straight laced. Everything was starched, like gray pants button down. Like you just knew who he was. He was always in control. So he did not like crumbs or anyone eating in a bedroom.
It was just his line. Food is downstairs in the kitchen, which is fine. Widowhood, my friends, Boxed wine became my friend just for the end of the night. Like you can't have more than one or two. What if something happens to the kids? You have to be able to drive them, right? But I would just pour myself a glass of wine and sit in bed and watch mindless TV for a half hour.
That was my go to bed ritual in year two. And so here comes my gym and we decide to blend families and like carrying my goblet of wine up the steps and I'm like, Oh, Bob, am I allowed to drink this upstairs? And I remember like that question coming off my tongue. Am I allowed to drink this upstairs? And that's what you're talking about.
Like, how do we blend? How do we say who's clean? Who's not clean? And how does this work? And I think a lot of it too, is we both came from former relationships. What did we bring with us that we learned that worked so beautifully with our first relationship? And can we incorporate that in this one?
We also came with a bunch of bad habits from our first relationship and also both of us being single. Now he was divorced before his ex wife passed. So there were some trust issues, right? Going down there too, that I didn't have. He used to always share with me, you still love your husband. You never stopped loving him.
He's had a divide. We have respect for one another. We have great kids, but we have a divide and that love did stop. That's why we got divorced. And he himself had a really hard time being accepted by me as the person I want to be with. He felt like he was second choice. That was hard. That was hard.
And maybe that was me. Maybe I put that out there, but yeah we had to work on that. We did. I had shared with Emily before we started recording that I am a grief recovery specialist too. I don't practice all that much, but I keep my designation up. And yeah, I dove right in when he told me that I'm like, Hey, there's something on this grief line that is impacting.
Me for him to feel that way. And I had to use that. And for listeners, I am woo, a financial advisor who's woo. And I actually do tapping and the row linguistic programming and got it out of the way. Like I had to get that out of the way before we could say yes and walk down the aisle.
Cause I want him to know that he is the most important person in my life. Yes.
[00:13:34] Emily: Oh, I'm so glad you brought that up. And I actually have A couple of acquaintances that I've been talking to who they're on the other side. So they're dating the person that's a widower and they're feeling that same thing. And so we talk a lot about, what is enshrinement and when they have a room that's dedicated to that person or their desire is for that.
Other person's presence to be there how they feel like that third wheel and so I share how I think about it as a person that's widowed but I know for so many people that has to be in the back of their minds and it has to be something where they don't want to be heartless, but also they don't want to feel the only reason we're together is because you went through something you didn't want to go through and I'm really that second choice.
[00:14:27] Donna: Yeah. We had to have that open conversation. I had to take down some of the pictures. I had to sit down and say to my kids, all right, we're gonna have the flag from daddy's burial in the house that stays. But here are the pictures I need to move to your room. Some of my older kids have moved out now.
So here are the pictures of your dad to go to your apartment. Which ones do you want me to hold on to? Which ones go in the keepsake box? Things like that. I love telling stories. So here we go. So we, my husband's moving into our new house. It was right before 2020. And the movers are there and he's a blue collar guy.
And so he's never had movers before, but I wasn't helping lift the couch. I was like, no, no movers. Here we go. It's small. It's a 10 minute drive. It won't cost us too much. Movers. Movers. And they walk in and the gentleman says to my husband, when he was my gym, right? And he goes, oh you lost a lot of weight, dude.
And my husband's excuse me, he's probably bigger than he ever was. I like to beef up my husband's. I do. So make him comfortable. Yeah. Oh yeah. Like just, and he says I like to beef them up so they don't leave me. I was like, coach, you're not leaving. Don't worry. You're fine. But he looks over and it was one of the very last pictures my husband and I had together.
We had run what's called a mad hatter. So a five mile, a 10 mile and a half marathon, right? And I was an avid runner and he ran this 10 miler with me. And that was a picture he was looking at. And my current husband is bald. So it was my late husband, really bushy eyebrows. So it was my late husband.
Apparently I have a look, but that's what they were looking at. And he was like, am I? My new husband Jim said no, that's not me. That's her husband. That's telling, right? We hadn't taken down the house so much that he didn't even feel comfortable in his new house where he lives to say that he was my husband.
It's a lot. It's a lot. How did we do that with the kids also moving things around? We also, And we've practiced this now with younger kids being in the house, losing their mom. We, Jim and I intentionally try to work stories about their moms and dads into everything we do. If it is our daughter's prom.
Oh, I went to high school with his late wife. And so I'll be like, Oh my goodness, your mom was two years below me. But I remember they had the prom at blank. Did your mom ever tell you about that? And so they become shared stories between all six of our kids when they're sitting around our big table.
And that's really how we keep it alive. And we do it vice versa. And now the kids feel very open to be like, Oh my God, this is my mom's favorite tick tock. Even when she was six, she would giggle just thinking about it. And now I get to enjoy a little bit of her presence, and how she took her kids Last two years of her journey, like that's amazing.
So storytelling all day long.
[00:17:19] Emily: I love that. That's so beautiful that you both embrace the storytelling and then that the kids felt comfortable and felt that it was normalized where they could start to share some of the stories of their own. I love that so much. Yeah.
[00:17:35] Donna: It's fun.
It's fun. And the money stuff. No, I just had to learn to share again. But you know what? I'll be in all honesty. That was, I'm a mathematical brain, right? And so see things lifted out is really important to me. And I feel as if Jim should understand concepts that way too. He's more of an emotional feeler talker.
Yeah. We'll find a way in the middle. Somehow it works. I would actually.
[00:18:00] Emily: Yeah. You tapped into the woo side. So we know it's there, Donna. We know that
[00:18:07] Donna: a lot of good people modeling me. But yeah, it's it's so really, I have just write it all down and they'd be like, all right, this is the emotion I put through this bundle of money.
Like this was the retirement for my husband and I've pushed myself hard in the past 10 years not to touch it. Because I want that to be left for my kids and to grow my own career so that I can afford retirement on what I've made. Now, if I have to touch that, yeah, because I gave up my career all those years to follow him abroad.
We made that money together. I don't feel guilty about using it, but if I can put that aside and just leave that to his kids, like our older three, are you comfortable with that? And my husband's of course of course that had nothing to do with me before I came into the picture. So we really do have.
His, hers, mine, theirs, ours, we have, that is what we have. And we label money that way. Our estate documents are labeled that way. We have a collected bank, like a portal of where all of our assets are and they're labeled, future kids, whatever. This is college fund. This is our shared health savings.
This is where, so that we know if anything happens to either one of us, where exactly everything is. I don't know if that's helpful to everybody. And then we did, we got a prenup before I got married. I'm not against it just to realign and protect what he had before coming to this marriage. What I had coming to this marriage and to strictly say everything from this day forward is an hours, the value of my business, the value of retirement that's hours.
[00:19:41] Emily: Yeah, I think that's a great way to look at it and for so many people they think it's one or the other either we keep everything separate or everything has to be merged together, but you can still have this view of these are all the things that we're managing this, these assets were carved out for different things and we've called that out and then we've just structured it in a way that we're not going to be spending a year in probate Trying to muddle through what should happen if one of us does die or we become incapacitated or, whatever that is.
So I love that you're being proactive because I think as widows, we know the things we should do that made it difficult, like the life insurance and the funeral planning and all of that and estate planning. But sometimes those are the things that we always put off doing. Yeah. We call it
[00:20:32] Donna: ostrich in the sand, like stick your head there.
Everything's spinning around, but we're okay.
[00:20:37] Emily: Like I had a muddle through it all. You guys can deal with it when I'm gone. Yeah.
[00:20:41] Donna: Yeah. And I have to say, and this kind of goes along the same part, how much do you communicate with the kids about that? And that has to be personal. But we just said, Hey, I just want to let you know We were very thoughtful about merging our assets together, not just our families.
So everyone's going to be fine and everything is clear cut. Anything should happen to the two of us, you're going to go to Lori. She's the executor, right? Someone unbiased to the two of us, like it was a shared person. Because I know if something happens to me, Jim's going to her anyway. Hey Lori, I don't know how to do this stuff.
Like I married a financial advisor for a reason. And so here we go. Like I already have a financial advisor. Who's one of my peers assigned to gym. We were flying home from a conference together. I was like, remember if my plane goes down, you get my husband for financial services. Correct? Someone needs to take care of him.
Exactly. Where I was very sensitive, and I think I mentioned it in the first book too, was extended family and having them know a little bit too much maybe about my finances. And I will tell you, they were worried when I went to get remarried. Not that they had any say, right? And my decisions are my decisions.
But they were worried about the care of their nieces and nephews. They were worried about, were we going to move away, take them away? Where are we going to stay close? And the sharing of assets, right? For some reason, they felt very passionate to make sure that their nieces and nephews, my kids, were okay.
It's because they love them so much, right? It's because when they lost their brother, my husband, Greg, the first husband, there was a loss of control. They didn't quite know everything that was going on. And I did right. So it was their ability to still once again, try to make sure everybody was going to be okay.
Now, Mike tell you on the family group chat, the Kendrick for my late husband's family. My husband is one of the frequent flyers. He is the Laker. He is on the group chat. My husband, Jim is like the first one invited to parties before I am. And they voted that they get to keep him over me. Okay. If something should happen in the relationship, so that made it easier to, and I know Jim made a huge effort to feel comfortable at those family events so that could.
ease everyone's mind. And I'm going to speak for my in laws. I do believe that they're just really happy we exist as one big family, them being an extended family of Jim and his kids. More people to love on is how they take it. So I'm very proud of them. Like the concern was mine, perhaps less than theirs.
[00:23:16] Emily: Yeah, that's really amazing that it sounds like both sides of the family are just embracing that you're one big family and people are included and I think it's totally normal for them to worry about assets and kids and what's going to happen because we hear all the horror stories like That's what's promoted in the media and on the Netflix series.
And all of that is people being taken advantage of and what that looks like. Yeah, I could see how that would drum up a lot of fear, but it sounds like you've handled it with just amazing grace and the ability to reassure people that, you know, you true to your character, you had. Thought out what this was going to look like and that they were going to be okay.
Yeah. It's been a good ride. It
[00:24:00] Donna: has. Yeah.
[00:24:02] Emily: So what other bits of wisdom would you mind to share? Apart from finances, I'm sure there are other areas of friction or just like adjusting to the routine or. That feeling of, can I talk about my late husband as openly as I would have before? Is there anything there that you would mind to share with how you navigated that or something you would have done differently?
[00:24:30] Donna: Yeah, I think a lot of it had to be, again, through that storytelling that Jim and I did. There was a lot of that even him and I privately, right? And it's sometimes it was almost like a question and answer, right? So how would you guys handle the holidays? Was it his family, your family? Was it both?
And so we learned from sharing past experiences, what we wanted different what we wanted to remain the same. Yeah. That was one way of just really open conversation. And again, because to Jim's point, right? Like I, I lost my husband unexpectedly, and then recreated a life the way I wanted it to look like after he passed.
Not that I wanted it to not include him, but I had to create a life for me and the kids that just carried on. And then what part of that. Stayed. So it's like the old life, the new life, and now the new life and what part of that stayed. And that was everything truly also. And I'm still struggling with it.
How much do I work right? We are privileged enough that Jim is working on. We bought a big old foreclosure house that had six bedrooms. So everyone has a bedroom. My oldest moved out as a closet now epic, send you a picture. Okay. Awesome. As my husband says, when you look for a second wife, marry a financial advisor, actually marry a carpenter.
Should be good with tools, should be in the dating app. Should be good with tools. But my sister, they'll all say, oh, power drill, power saw, power, like I was like, oh boy. But yeah, we, When we bought that foreclosure house, we made the decision for him to step away from working with my firm to work on the house and to be there for the kids.
It's more than working on the house, it's being at home for the kids who had just lost their mom a year ago. And we've made the decision to keep him home again. And so with that is the decision of what does that mean for me? And how much am I working? And I feel as if. Jim is the old me and I'm my old Greg used to work all the time because that was the only thing I knew he worked constantly to help to support our family.
And so now I'm like okay I just have to work all the time, and then that way they'll be happy they'll know I love them. Now, I have to be home for dinner every now and then and we are struggling with that one as the blended family and I know it won't last forever. I know. My hours will come down.
I know I'll get more help here. I know Jim will step back into his full time swing. But this is temporary. We needed to do this. So not just a financial conversation, it was the emotional conversation of what kind of mom do I want to be to these stepkids? Am I just, and I am, I'm an extra layer of love.
I don't even look at myself as their mom. I don't. I'm just an extra layer of love. I'm Jim's partner in raising these kids and I'm proud that, sometimes they come to me first. If that helps, that's a big one. The role you'll have with someone's kids, it's sensitive. We are lucky. They're all good kids.
They get along. But I have seen that tear some of my family's apart that I work with as well as my friends, right? Where you go, you're doing great for four years and then just quote unquote, that love isn't enough to carry you through. And I think it is if you load a little woo into it and you get some professional help.
And you, when you bump, when you hit those stop bumps, stop, recalibrate, get the help where you need, get the support. If the core love is there, you can build on it. But don't just stick your head in the ground.
[00:28:07] Emily: Yeah. Yeah, I think that's great. And you reminded me of a podcast with Dr. John Deloney and he talks about how, even when you first marry someone, you're not gonna have a great relationship.
You're not going to have the ideal relationship. And there's no one right person to build your life with, but you have to look at the other person sitting across from you and saying, okay, I pick you and together we're going to Repeatedly come together and build the type of relationship we want and the type of life that we want and just cling to each other as we do that because There's no one person where everything clicks and is perfect and easy, and we don't have to navigate these different seasons of life.
And right now, you're in this season that doesn't feel comfortable, and you're figuring things out and just reminding yourself that this is a season, it's gonna pass, we're gonna go into a new season. But when you're in the midst of a difficult season, then sometimes it's hard to remember that there's another one coming.
[00:29:09] Donna: Yeah, and that's really good. I love that you say they cling to it, right? So yeah, so sure, we might be, I, probably good for me too if I pull back on the hours from work, right? I'm lucky, I feel like I meditate in the morning and I meditate at night, right? Before I transition home. And so it's 40 minutes, all day long, 40 minutes of meditation.
And I walk the dog for 20. That hour of me time, I feel guilty about. Wait a second. This is what fuels me. This is what helps me throughout the day. So yeah, sometimes it's the work that we have to put in on our own mindset to be able to be a better partner on the other side. And the other thing too, I think I want to share the wisdom because it is hard to get out there and start dating again.
Jim and I met organically. I did date before Jim. We'll have, that's a whole other podcast, but I didn't do it well. So we were lucky. We were friends for years. He was actually the contractor in my house and then our lives reconnected later, right? So he knew how I operated at my house. He knew if I was clean or not, he knew when my dogs went out, right?
Cause he was in my house for almost two years with helping to redo it after Greg passed. But there is no rules, like you don't have to get remarried. You can live in partnership. You don't have to live under the same roof. You can reconnect every Wednesday and every weekend, right? You don't have to be best friends with the other side of the family you choose to be, right?
And I want everyone to give themselves that navigation, right? I loved being married. I did. Jim loved being married. I became very independent after 10 years, right? And I had to forgot how good it did feel right to cling to someone. And I'm so happy we did get married again. So happy. But you can create what you needed to create and you can go slow.
[00:31:01] Emily: Yeah. Beautifully said. Tell everyone where they can find your book or they can find you. And if they want to connect with you, the best way to reach out.
[00:31:11] Donna: Yeah, thank you. So the book is on Amazon. So first one's a guide to widowhood. Second one is a Guide to Blended Families. They Match, they're like, really good on your bookshelf.
But yep. Or we can go on to donna jean kendrick.com and everything's there. There's links. We have a podcast called Widow Wisdom and Wealth as well as lots of downloadables. Yeah. It's good stuff.
[00:31:36] Emily: Awesome. And for everyone watching or listening, we'll put all of the links to what Donna has shared in the show notes so that you can go back and find that.
And Donna, again, thank you for your generous donation of your time and your books and for joining us on the winter solstice. It's going to be such a wonderful event. And just want to thank you for your time again today.
[00:32:00] Donna: Oh, thank you for having me here. It's
[00:32:01] Emily: always a joy. Thanks.
Yes. All right.
Thank you.
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