BW 132: 
Overcoming Overwhelm: Finding Balance After Loss with Zahra Premji

[TRANSCRIPT BELOW]

 

In this episode of The Brave Widow Show, I’m joined by life coach Zahra Premji, who shares powerful insights on overcoming overwhelm, managing burnout, and finding balance after loss. 

 

Widows often carry the weight of immense grief while trying to manage daily responsibilities, and Zahra offers actionable tips to help you regain control, prioritize your well-being, and navigate life with grace.

 

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:
✨ How to recognize signs of burnout and overwhelm
✨ Why self-care isn’t a luxury but a necessity
✨ Practical tips for time management and prioritizing tasks
✨ How to navigate hard days and give yourself grace
✨ The importance of building a support system

 

Zahra’s expertise in helping moms create balance in their lives is highly applicable for widows managing unique challenges, offering fresh perspectives to help you thrive.

 

 

👉 Connect with Zahra:

•  IG: https://www.instagram.com/zahrapremjicoaching/
•  LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/zahrapremjicoaching/

 

 

💬 Let us know what resonated with you most in the comments below!

 

 

 

Chapters:

00:00 Introduction and New Year Reflections

01:05 Exciting Plans for Brave Widow in 2025

02:07 Special New Year Offer for Brave Widow Community

03:09 Goal Setting Workshop Announcement

03:52 Introducing Zahra Premji

04:55 Zahra's Journey and Coaching Philosophy

08:37 Signs of Overwhelm and Burnout

11:33 Prioritizing Self-Care and Time Management

24:12 Building a Support System

29:44 Navigating Hard Days and Embracing Emotions

32:58 Conclusion and Free Gift Announcement

 

 

 

 

👉 If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe and leave a review on your favorite podcast platform. Your feedback helps us reach more widows and support them on their journey to healing.

 

 

#WidowSupport #GriefJourney #HealingTogether #LifeAfterLoss

 

 

Resources:

•  Secure your free spot for the Widow Winter Solstice: https://www.bravewidow.com/winter
•  Brave New Widow free guidebook: https://www.bravewidow.com/start
•  Join the Brave Widow Membership Community: https://www.bravewidow.com/join

 

 

 

Join the Brave Widow Community:
If you're feeling overwhelmed and unsure of your next step in your grief journey, now is the time to take action. The Brave Widow Membership is here to provide you with the support, guidance, and community you need to heal and rediscover joy. Don’t go through this alone—join us today and start moving forward with confidence. https://www.bravewidow.com/join

 

 

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Hey hey, I’m Emily Tanner.  I was widowed at age 37, one month shy of our 20 year wedding anniversary.  Nathan and I have four beautiful children together, and my world was turned completely upside down when I lost him.  

 

Now, I love my life again!  I’m able to experience joy, achieve goals and dreams I thought I’d lost, and rediscover this next version of me.

 

I did the work.

I invested in coaching for myself.

I learned what I needed to do to move forward and took the steps.

I implemented the tools and strategies that I use for my clients in my coaching program.

 

 

This is for you, if:

•  You want a faith-based approach to coaching
•  You want to move forward after loss, and aren’t sure how
•  You want to enjoy life without feeling weighed down by guilt, sadness, or regret
•  You want a guide to help navigate this journey to the next version of you
•  You want to rediscover who you are

 

•  Join the Brave Widow Community: https://www.bravewidow.com/join
•  Schedule a consult with Emily:  https://calendly.com/bravewidow/widow-consult-call?month=2024-08

 

 

Find and take the next steps to move forward (without “moving on”).

 

 

 

FOLLOW me on SOCIAL:

 

Twitter | @brave_widow

 

Instagram | @brave_widow

 

Facebook |   / bravewidow  

 

YouTube | @bravewidow

 

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TRANSCRIPT:

 

[00:00:00] Emily: Welcome to episode number 132 of the Brave Widow show.

[00:00:05] By the time you hear this, I hope that you've had a wonderful Christmas or at least some moments of joy and peace this Christmas and that you're looking forward to the new year. Now, for some of you, the new year may be hard. This may be a year that you're going to live in that your person has never seen.

[00:00:27] Maybe 2024 was the year that you lost your person. And so it feels really weird, like stepping into the future and stepping into a year and. It creates a sense that you're leaving your person behind in 2024. I just want to encourage you that even though it may feel that you're leaving them behind, you're not actually leaving them behind.

[00:00:49] And that's one of the things that I love to help widows develop in the Brave Widow community is this sense of continuing life, continuing an emotional relationship with their person well into 2025 and beyond.

[00:01:05] I've been doing a lot of prayerful and deeply reflective work around what Brave Widow should look like in 2025, what would be the most meaningful and the most supportive to you in this year, thinking about all of the unique challenges that you have. And I cannot spill the beans just yet, but I'm really excited and really inspired by What I'm planning for you in 2025.

[00:01:38] So

[00:01:39] stay tuned because I'm going to be sharing over the next few weeks, exactly what you can expect. And. Releasing things a little bit at a time so as not to overwhelm anyone, but to help guide you on this path to healing your heart and starting to rebuild and reclaim your life and eventually create a life that you absolutely love and enjoy again.

[00:02:05] So I'm really excited about that.

[00:02:07] Also, if you're watching this or listening to this fairly real time, meaning the week of New Year's Day of 2025,

[00:02:16] then I'm going to be offering a flash bonus bundle through the end of Friday, January the 3rd, meaning that if you join the Brave Widow community Between now and Friday at midnight, not only will you get access to all of the courses, to all of the coaching calls, to all of the educational sessions that are happening, but you're also going to get a few bonuses

[00:02:37] that I don't typically offer. One of those bonuses is a free 30 day pass to any of your friends or family who would like to join. It's 30 days free, no credit card, they don't have to remember to cancel if they don't want to continue, no strings attached, it's just a 30 day pass for them to be able to join the community.

[00:02:57] And, for the first 10 people that sign up, I have a Brave Widow mug for all U. S. residents that I am going to be sending your way. So, January is a great time to join. Here in a couple weeks, we are actually going to have a whole workshop on how to plan out your year, how to set out goals for 2025, whether you have specific goals of things you want to work on, whether you need inspiration and ideas for things that you want to work on, or even if you just want a word.

[00:03:30] Or a theme or things just feel so overwhelming that your goal is not to feel the way that you feel right now, regardless of where you are. This workshop is going to help you with setting your goals it's going to help you move closer to where you want to be in 2025. So January is the perfect time to join.

[00:03:52] All right, let me introduce you to Zahra now, Zahra and I met through a mastermind group that we're a part of. So as you've heard me talk about mastermind groups and coaching groups that I'm in, this is very real. Zahra is from one of those groups. She's one of the ladies that I get to collaborate with and that I've been on a similar learning journey with.

[00:04:17] And I'm really excited for you. To hear about what she has to share on how she helps.

[00:04:23] Moms and women balance all of the overwhelm when I heard her topic and I watched her Instagram and I saw Some of the things that she talks about I felt like it was so applicable to you as widows where we get constantly caught up in the overwhelm and The frustration and just feeling like it's not enough Feeling like we can't prioritize our own rest, our own well being that we're being selfish.

[00:04:50] And I knew that you had to hear from Zahra. So let me introduce you to Zahra. Zahra

[00:04:55] Premji is a life and mindset coach dedicated to helping moms reclaim time for themselves without sacrificing family moments or feeling overwhelmed. As a mom of three, Zahra knows firsthand the delicate balance between nurturing others and finding fulfillment in her own goals and dreams. Through her Balanced Mom Movement program, she has helped countless moms rewrite their stories from feeling frazzled and stretched thin to feeling confident, calm, and deeply connected to what matters most.

[00:05:26] Known for her down to earth approach and compassionate coaching style. Zahra empowers moms to step off the never ending hamster wheel and build lives that feel rich, joyful, and intentional today. She's here to share powerful insights on navigating life's challenges, redefining self care and creating moments of peace amidst the chaos.

[00:05:48] You can find her on Instagram and LinkedIn at Zahra Premji. Coaching and the links to where you can find her are in the show notes. All right, let's dive in.

[00:05:58] ​

[00:05:58] Emily: Hey, and welcome back to another episode of the brave widow show. Zahra, welcome to the show and thank you for agreeing to come on.

[00:06:07] Zahra: Hi, Emily. Thank you so much for having me. I'm so thrilled to be here. I'm excited about this.

[00:06:12] Emily: Yeah, me too. So Zahra, I know our audience would love to know just more about you, more about your background and what you do. So would you mind to share some of that with us?

[00:06:25] Zahra: Yeah, of course.

Meet Zahra Premji: Life Coach for Moms
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[00:06:26] Zahra: So my name is Zahra Premji and I am a life coach for moms.

[00:06:30] I help moms win their time back and create more balance in their lives and really overcome a lot of the overwhelm and guilt that often holds us back. And I just help them really show up more fully for themselves and their families and just feel really connected in their relationships. So I have a program which I have created called The Balanced Mom Movement and in that program It's a one to one coaching program and we address all the different things that might come up but really focus a lot around stress management Preventing and overcoming burnout we work on time management.

[00:07:05] We work on just improving connection and relationships And that also includes parenting. And then we also look at confidence. So just really how we speak to ourselves. Our willingness to keep our promises to ourselves and take action on the things that we want to take action on. That's my program.

[00:07:23] Emily: Yes. Yeah. And for our audience, so Zahra and I are in a separate coaching group together, and we share a lot of the same struggles and challenges and just seeing her content and how she helps moms that feel overwhelmed and out of balance just seemed like such a great overlap with what we. As widowed moms often go through now having also inherited all the tasks of our person and just.

[00:07:53] Trying to figure out how we are going to survive. So it's going to be good.

Understanding Overwhelm and Burnout
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[00:07:58] Emily: Speaking of overwhelm, maybe that's a really great place to start where how so for widows at times we can feel like we're in survival mode or we're in maintenance mode and we tend to give and give and do for everyone else.

[00:08:16] And we may not even know if we're overwhelmed, if we're burnt out. We may not really recognize that within ourselves. Do you have some like signs or some tips for women to just identify if we're in that state of overwhelm or we're starting to get to the point that we're completely burnt out?

[00:08:37] Zahra: Yeah, for sure.

[00:08:39] So some of the signs that I see in a lot of my clients and I noticed these in myself when I was feeling really overwhelmed were things like just having a lot of difficulty focusing or making decisions where even the smallest of decisions like what to cook for dinner feels like a really ginormous task and can create so much confusion and indecision.

[00:09:00] I think the also like feeling constantly exhausted both physically and mentally. Emotionally and mentally as well. I think can also be a sign of prolonged overwhelm, like just this feeling of being drained and not having a lot of energy. It does sometimes show up as irritability. We might be snapping more at our loved ones or friends or colleagues or other family members.

[00:09:23] And I think that the other thing is this like sense of just like getting through the day, like every day waking up and Oh, it's Groundhog Day. Oh, it's Groundhog Day. On the hamster wheel again, I think saying things like that or thinking things like that to ourselves is often a sign of overwhelm.

[00:09:38] And I think the other way that shows up is we, when we are in this state of overwhelm, we're regularly sacrificing our own basic needs like sleep nourishment just even resting, like putting our feet up for a few minutes when we are feeling overwhelmed. Usually that comes from the belief that there's so much to do and not enough time.

[00:09:58] And so as a result, one of our strategies that we can tend to revert to is to like just be doing all the time and really not paying attention to our own physical needs. And I think that the being in this prolonged state of burnout is usually what puts us on the fast, sorry, the prolonged state of overwhelm can really put us on the fast track to burnout.

[00:10:19] And I think the ways to know that if you if you're. On the verge of burnout or maybe in burnout is to really pay attention to your patterns. So if you're feeling constantly behind or you're constantly overbooked just always feeling like there's just not enough time in the day to get done what you need to get done, that can be a real big sign of burnout.

[00:10:40] And then, yeah, just tuning into your body and noticing any physical sensations, headaches, things like that can also be a real signal.

[00:10:49] Emily: Yeah, that's really helpful. And I know there are people listening to that yep, that's me every day. I just am in the struggle. And I worked with a client once where, she wanted to be able to go for a walk every day or she wanted to engage in something that she enjoys, but she always felt guilty because she felt like there's always All this other stuff that the dishes need to be done, the lunches need to be made, all of those things.

[00:11:17] What are your thoughts on, how can someone navigate I feel guilty because there are so many things that need to get done, or my kids need me. But I also know I should be carving out time for myself.

[00:11:30] What are your thoughts

[00:11:31] around how to navigate some of that?

The Importance of Self-Care
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[00:11:33] Zahra: Yeah, this one, this is one that fires me up a little because I think for so many years of my own life, I felt so guilty and all of these influencers on Instagram and you hear in the podcast and in the self help books, the importance of taking time for yourself.

[00:11:49] But when you are in this state of overwhelm or even just believing that there's like more things to do than you have time for. Usually one of the first things to go is like taking time for ourselves. And you, I think you nailed it when you said there's, we know that we want to do these things, but when we're thinking about all of the other things that we quote unquote should be doing that is usually the thing that gets in the way.

[00:12:11] And I think what's really helpful here is to have a perspective shift, because I think that we believe that when we get all the things done. then we've earned the right to rest or then we've earned the right to take some time for self care. And I really believe that rest and self care is not something that should be earned.

[00:12:30] I actually believe that it's essential. And one of the things that I noticed in my own life, and even with the clients that I've worked with one on one is that when we actually make time to prioritize self care, even if it's the smallest little thing for 10 minutes, 15 minutes, It actually re energizes us, like it really does change our energy and I think the greatest impact of that is how we then show up for our families, for what it is that we need to tackle, for our work, for even our household chores.

[00:13:01] The energy that we show up to it with. looks different when we've taken some time to recharge our batteries. So just like an electric vehicle, like a Tesla, for example. You're going to plug that in every day to recharge the battery and we hear this all the time, but it's so interesting how we don't apply that to ourselves.

[00:13:17] That, we have a finite amount of energy. And if we just keep depleting depleting and not taking the time to recharge then it does impact how we show up. And I think over time, it really impacts our mental and emotional and physical health. So I think the perspective shift is really important here.

[00:13:35] And just really being able to tell ourselves that. Rest is not something that's earned. It's essential. And that when I rest or when I care for myself, I actually show up better for everybody around me. Cause I think ultimately that's what we want, right? Is to show up really well and take care of and love on the people that are around us.

[00:13:52] Those are my thoughts about that.

[00:13:55] Emily: Oh, that's so good. You just totally nailed it. And the perspective shift is so key. For me, I'll notice that I'll start to get In this like every day I'll start to feel like irritable and maybe I'm short with people and maybe I'm starting to feel resentful because I feel like everyone has all these demands of me and my time and my focus, but I've not put in a boundary or carved out time to do things that rejuvenate me.

[00:14:26] And so when I am showing up to do those other things, it's not like the most refreshed, renewed version of myself, the irritable version that's just trying to go through the motions.

[00:14:38] Zahra: Yeah, I do want to say one more thing in aligned with that perspective shift is to understand that as humans, we don't like change, like we don't like to do things differently.

[00:14:49] And so if we, if it has been our pattern or our habit to just be overdoing, overgiving, like always busy, then to start to shift that is going to bring about a lot of discomfort. It is going to feel. Awkward or uncomfortable and we are going to have this voice in our head saying, oh you're not being productive, you should be doing more.

[00:15:10] And I just want to put out there that I think it's really important for us to just be aware that's going to happen and that nothing's gone wrong. And I think that if in with the in service of trying to incorporate self care, I think even just starting really small, like 10 minutes a day and just being okay with sitting and having your cup of tea or reading a book, like just starting with something really small is just going to help ease, help us ease into that.

[00:15:37] that space of creating more time intentionally for ourselves. And then we get to see the impact of that. So when we do take a few minutes for ourselves, it's so important to notice, like, how do I then show up for whatever I'm doing next? Do I notice a difference? Do I feel a little better? Do I feel a bit more energized?

[00:15:54] And just noticing some of those shifts just helps us feel a bit more at ease with taking time for ourselves.

[00:16:01] Emily: That's so beautifully said that same client I mentioned earlier, what you brought to mind for me was, she was wanting to work out or walk every day and she just couldn't bring herself to do it.

[00:16:12] And then eventually as she started to do that, she's I just get so much more done. Like I have so much more energy and I feel all of the things that need to get done. Don't feel so heavy and hard to navigate. Like I'm just like, let's go. I'm ready. I'm ready.

[00:16:28] Zahra: Yeah, for sure. It makes such a huge difference if we're just willing to test it out and see what happens.

[00:16:34] I just I don't know how this is gonna go. I have this hypothesis that maybe I'll feel a bit better. Let me test it out and then see. So I love that your client experienced that. Yeah.

[00:16:44] Emily: Okay.

Prioritizing and Time Management Tips
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[00:16:44] Emily: So as I think about our widowed moms here and all of the to do's where they just feel like I just don't have enough time to get everything done or maybe they're just struggling with prioritizing.

[00:16:59] What to do when, and so it's just very daunting. Do you have any tips for these folks about how to prioritize things or how to even reevaluate how they're spending their time so that they feel they have a better control of time management?

[00:17:18] Zahra: Yeah, really good question. So I think that all of us have to figure out what really works well for us.

[00:17:24] One thing that I will say is that I think historically and even societally, I think many women in particular have been led to believe that we need to win our to do list. That like we have this long running list of things that we just keep adding to, and that if we manage to get through if we're honest and we've been productive, that list or most of the list, then we will tell ourselves we've been productive.

[00:17:46] But one of the costs of doing that actually a couple of costs. One is that if we really tabulate the amount of time it would take to get through that list, if we really got honest and did the math, usually the volume of things on there is way more than what's humanly possible for anybody to be able to do.

[00:18:03] So I just want to really offer that really using our to do lists as a tool versus like this Conquest, I think, is a really important, is an important shift to make. So you asked about priorities and I think that we sometimes have some maybe some mind drama about choosing priorities because there's this element of fear that if I pick two or three things that I'm going to neglect.

[00:18:27] all the other things that are so important, or I will have to miss out on things, or I will let people down. And I think prioritizing is really just about choosing what are my two to three non negotiables that I need to get done today, or that I need to get done this week. And they don't have to be big things that require hours and hours of time, it's just those things that you know are aligned with what is important to you.

[00:18:51] So whether they're parenting tasks, whether they're work related tasks. Whether they are household tasks like literally just picking two or three things that feel like if I get these things done, I will feel really good about them. I think that's what prioritizing is just identifying two or three things that are really important.

[00:19:09] And then I think One of the things that is really underestimated is using small pockets of time. This is something that I really work on with my clients because I think we have this belief that if I don't have two or three hours of uninterrupted time, then I can't get this thing done. It's this all or nothing thinking versus really looking at if I know what my priorities are and then I know that I have these small pockets of time, like anywhere from 10 to 45 minutes.

[00:19:35] It's. Subject to interpretation, whatever someone else considers a small pocket of time, but it's like, what part can I get done in this time that I have? Towards those non negotiables towards those priorities. So I think that when we start to use those smaller chunks for things that move us towards whatever we're trying to accomplish, we can get so much farther ahead than waiting for two days uninterrupted or several hours uninterrupted or till we get that vacation that we have scheduled.

[00:20:03] So I think using our small pockets of time can be really helpful. And then I just really love the idea of simplifying. I think that we have these ideas in our minds of what things need to look like. And so when we can just simplify other parts of our lives, like for example, some of the things that I've done is I do grocery delivery, for example, and.

[00:20:26] For me, like the fact that somebody else is shopping for my groceries while I might be driving my kids to their activities, it always feels like a win when I come home and I see the bags on my porch. So that's like something that we can use to simplify. Even when it comes to meal planning we have kids in activities every single day.

[00:20:44] And so the reality is I can't spend an hour making like a really well balanced, nourishing, fancy meal. So sometimes it's just like, where can I. Figure out how to feed my family in a way that feels simple and doable and, is relatively healthy. So I think simplifying is really important too.

[00:21:02] Emily: Oh, that's good stuff. And I totally feel called out about the conquest concept because I look at that to do list and I want to pick up a sword and just slash my way through it. But I also feel I need Four hours of uninterrupted time to just power through and get a lot of those things done.

[00:21:24] Zahra: And yeah, so I think you're sometimes we just don't get that.

[00:21:27] If we have it, it's great. But I think it's when we don't have that, or, we have a kid that's homesick or something unexpected has come up in our day. The past version of me would have been like, Oh, my whole day is ruined. It's derailed everything. I'm just going to get nothing done instead of really looking at, okay I do have 20 minutes here.

[00:21:49] What small step can I complete? What small action can I take? And that's how I look at my to do list now is really just a tool so that I don't have to remember everything in my own brain. It's just like this piece of paper. Place where I put things down, but no longer looking at it as if I don't get all the things down that it means something terrible about me.

[00:22:07] It's just, I'm just looking at that as a tool to be able to move through my day and my life with the semblance of balance and some level of peace. There's the work.

[00:22:18] Emily: Yeah, for sure. I don't know how many times I felt like if something, if there's a blip in how I thought my day would go my first thought is like, Oh, this is gonna throw off my whole entire day.

[00:22:30] Yeah. So I have had to do a lot of self coaching around, evaluating, okay, how can two things be true? How can, I still accomplish what I need to, and it's not, taking me 20 hours to do it, or how can I do both of these things in one day? And, My brain can come up with some good solutions if I remember to ask it to come up with a solution.

[00:22:54] Zahra: Yeah, and I think what you just pointed out there is so important is when you approach it with some level of curiosity versus like when you tell yourself like my whole day is, derailed or whatever words we tell ourselves like that feels terrible. That's like going to create this sense of defeat or we feel frustrated and from that place, it's really hard for us to problem solve.

[00:23:15] So when you're like, okay, like how can it be true that I can still do some of this, even though I have to now do this, like it's just like asking our brain really good questions is what really invites some of the solutions that we can then decide which ones we want to take action on. So just noticing like when we think it's out of our control and we feel awful about it and we feel defeated.

[00:23:36] And really disempowered. It is very hard to create solutions from that place. I love your point about like self coaching and asking yourself really good questions, because I think that's actually a really important way for us to move forward and just get more done.

[00:23:50] Emily: Yeah. I think so too.

[00:23:52] I'm just resonating with, if I'm a planner, I like to have things planned out and obviously as widows, you think we would be good at realizing that our plans. go sideways often and not the way that we thought, but sometimes it's just a still hard concept to wrap our mind around. Yeah. Yeah.

Building a Support System
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[00:24:12] Emily: What about A good, what are your thoughts on how someone could find a good support system or a good network of other moms who could speak openly about this or just maybe even help each other out like, Oh, if you get my child this day, I can get yours that day.

[00:24:32] What are your thoughts around having that community or that support system?

[00:24:37] Zahra: The first thing that comes to mind for me is sometimes we don't even realize what we already have available to us simply because we just haven't really been open necessarily, or willing to see someone else in our lives as a person.

[00:24:53] community or as a support person. And I think that there's this belief that we have. I think it's inherent for many of us as women and as mothers that we need to do it all. And I think that also comes from just how we've been brought up in society. And maybe we watched our own parents do it this way, or even just some of our friends or what we see on social media.

[00:25:12] There's just this maybe inherent belief that we're not even aware of that we have to be willing to do it all. And that sometimes can hold us back from asking for help. And so I think, just even really thinking about what is available to me right now, today or who might be in my circle that I could reach out to for help or some support or, trading carpooling or drop offs and things like that.

[00:25:36] I think that's a really good place to start. And then I think that also there are so many different local or online groups and communities that are available for moms and even widows. And I think that there's so many different things out there. So one thing that I'll say is that can feel overwhelming.

[00:25:56] It's Oh my gosh, there's so many options. Which one do I choose? And I would say just deciding I, this is what I know I need. This seems to look good right now. I don't need to spend more time researching. I'm just going to take. A step and maybe join this community or go out to a meet up and then I can evaluate after and see if that feels like a good alignment for me.

[00:26:18] But again, just, I think, being aware that this desire that we have to do it all and do it on our own it's real and when we are just willing to maybe. Explore or examine that a little bit and just understand that we. We deserve to have people helping us and also other people really like to be able to help us.

[00:26:38] So we're actually giving other people the opportunity to experience that sense of joy and service and offering that value to others. So I think that would be one thing that I would offer. And then the other thing I would say is to ask for specific help. So instead of saying Hey, I could really use some help, which makes it a little challenging for us as the individual, but also the person that we're asking to know how to help, saying something like, can you watch my kids for two hours this weekend?

[00:27:08] Or can you check in with me once a week? I've been feeling down and I would love it if you could just reach out to me once a week to just check in with me. So being a little specific, so whomever it is you're asking for the help knows exactly what they need to do or can do to support you.

[00:27:24] Emily: Yes. Yes. That's so spot on and it's sometimes we're afraid to ask for help or maybe it's an ego thing or we are afraid to be vulnerable in a position where people might let us down. But we can also be pleasantly surprised by what people are willing to do if we just ask or even say, Hey, do you know someone who would be willing to do this?

[00:27:50] And that person may be like, Oh yeah, I could do that for

[00:27:52] you. No

[00:27:52] problem.

[00:27:54] Zahra: Yeah, I love that suggestion. And I love that how you talked about how sometimes it is our ego or the fear of being told no or being let down. And I think when we just trust that we can handle that we don't have to take it personally, we can handle being told no, and that it just will lead us to some other solution or someone else that might be able to help.

[00:28:13] So I love how you pointed that out. So

[00:28:16] Emily: good. Being able to handle what feels like rejection, probably disappointment and just leaning into that.

[00:28:24] Zahra: Oh, yeah. Yeah. And not making it mean that we're not worthy of getting help or that we're not deserving of the help. Like just trusting that if somebody says, I can't just believing that really like they would love to if they could but they can't and we don't have to make it mean that we're not supposed to continue asking for help or that we're not worthy of it.

[00:28:44] I think that's a really important piece to is keep going like you'll find your people and you'll find the help and it's going to create space for you to take care of yourself so that you can take better care of. your family and your work and whatever else is in your life.

[00:28:59] Emily: Widows often do struggle with that and struggle with, people who we thought was, we're going to be there for us who aren't for whatever reason.

[00:29:08] But not using that as a reflection of ourselves and saying, Oh, it's because I'm this or that, or I'm not worth their time or attention or whatever it is. But working off the assumption that people do want to help and they, it does allow them to feel good about helping you too. They just logistically may not be able to do that.

[00:29:30] For sure. Yeah. Is there anything we haven't talked about that you think would be helpful or any last words of wisdom that you would want to leave our audience with?

[00:29:44]

Final Thoughts and Free Gift
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[00:29:44] Zahra: One of the things that is really important, and this is probably something you talk about often in, in your podcast and with your clients, but I think it's really important to acknowledge that there are going to be hard days and maybe more than we would like.

[00:29:57] To have to deal with there are going to be days that are hard. And I think one of the things that can be really challenging is figuring out, like, how do we navigate that? Like when we are feeling immense grief or sadness or a loss or pain, it's, I think sometimes it's like this, how do I figure this out?

[00:30:16] How do I. Feel what I'm feeling and still continue to function and show up in our, in my day. And I think especially with our children, that can be real. Just this need to hide our emotions from them because we think that it protects them in some way. And I think just really acknowledging that there are going to be hard days and really accepting that you don't need to hide that and really being able to create space.

[00:30:39] for all of the heavy emotions that might come and also still making connection a priority. So figuring out do I need a little bit of time each day to just, be with myself to pry to journal? And do I see that as being really important and valuable for me then being able to connect with whomever and to whatever else I need to connect with?

[00:31:01] So I think really Holding space for some of the heaviness and the pain that can come up for us as humans. And then I think especially some of the grief that widows would experience as well. I think it's just really important to have space for that and not feel like you have to hide it or not feel like there's a certain deadline or time limit after which you shouldn't be feeling it.

[00:31:23] I think just really Having space for all of our humanness and just knowing I think you and I both know this from our coaching certifications that life is 50 50 in terms of our emotions and that no matter how many years go by or what we've accomplished or where we're at, we're still gonna.

[00:31:39] have some hard days and to just make sure that we're honoring ourselves and just holding a lot of space for that.

[00:31:44] Emily: That's so true where it's really hard to feel that you are, you're a go getter. You normally get a lot of things done. I was such a high achiever. And then through grief, it just brought me to my knees and I had to give myself so much grace and lower all my expectations of what I could do.

[00:32:05] And so even when people are a year out, two years out, five years out, you may have a day that's just overwhelming or that you're just going through a season that's hard and you're like, the to do list can just sit somewhere for a while. It's not going to get done right

[00:32:22] now.

[00:32:23] Zahra: Yeah, and I think having grace, like loads of grace for ourselves when we are in a bit of a hard season, like we're approaching the holidays that generally tends to be a very full and busy and can also be a really heavy season and just being really willing to like have So much grace for ourselves and really looking at what can I let go of?

[00:32:43] What can I simplify? What feels like the most important thing or two things that I need to get done with my day? And can I just let that be enough? I just love myself all the way through that. So I think that's super important.

[00:32:56] Emily: Yes. I totally agree. I know you put together a special free gift for folks.

[00:33:02] Yes. And I know there's going to be, I just know there's so many people that are going to hear what you've had to share and be like, yes, I need help with that. I need coaching around that. Would you like to share about your free gift and then maybe also, where people can find you online and the best way to connect with you?

[00:33:20] Zahra: Definitely. Yeah, for sure. So I did create a guide. It's called simple ways to create balance in your day. And it does speak to some of what we talked about today on the podcast, but it gives you really bite sized actionable tips. And it also talks about why it's important. So I think sometimes when we don't really understand why something is important for us, we may not be willing to try it.

[00:33:43] But in each segment, there are five different ways. And in Each component there are, there's a section about why it's important. And like I said, they're very actionable, very bite sized. They don't require you to overturn your entire day or toss out your to do list. It's just things that can really easily be incorporated into your day and really serve you.

[00:34:00] Small chunks of time. So that's available. And I believe you said you'll post the link in the show notes to to get that for free. And then if you wanna look for me, I'm on Instagram at Zahra Premji coaching, and we'll spell that out in the show notes. That's probably where I'm the most active. I'm also on Facebook and LinkedIn and so yeah, I would love to connect if, and have conversations and continue continue the discussion.

[00:34:28] If that feels aligned for your audience.

[00:34:31] Emily: Perfect. You have dropped so many value bombs on this show that I think will be super helpful. And I already know that you're a wonderful person and a great coach. And I definitely encourage if anyone is watching or listening that you go check out Zahra's content, that you connect with her and just learn about where you're, where you could go on this journey and what life could look like to regain a sense of sanity and a feel of balance.

[00:35:02] So Zahra, thank you again for coming on the show. I really appreciate it. Thank you so much for having me. It's been such a pleasure. Thanks, Emily.

Join the Brave Widow Community
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[00:35:10] Emily: Are you a widow who feels disconnected? Do you feel like you're stuck or even going backwards in your grief? Widowhood can be lonely and isolating, but it doesn't have to be. Join us in the Brave Widow membership community and connect. We teach widows how to find hope, heal their heart, and dream again for the future.

[00:35:32] Find your purpose and create a life you love today. Go to bravewidow. com to get started.