BW 098: Rebuilding Confidence and Trust After Loss - with Andrea Amador
May 21, 2024
(Transcript below)
The Juicy Woman: Rebuilding Confidence and Trust After Loss
In this episode, Emily speaks with Andrea Amador, the Juicy Woman and women's empowerment coach, about rebuilding trust and confidence in oneself after loss. Andrea shares insights on overcoming negative thought patterns, emotional eating, and navigating relationships after loss, empowering widows to find self-love and attract healthy connections.
00:00 Welcome to The Brave Widow Show
00:24 Exciting Updates for the Brave Widow Community
03:09 Introducing Andrea Amador: The Juicy Woman
04:33 Deep Dive into Trust, Confidence, and Moving Forward
07:55 Understanding and Changing Negative Thought Patterns
08:47 Identifying and Overcoming Emotional Eating
13:19 Navigating Relationships and Recognizing Red Flags
19:57 Rebuilding Confidence and Trust in Yourself
21:25 Seeking Support and Changing Perspectives
26:56 Andrea's Ideal Client and How She Helps
30:07 Where to Find Andrea and Her Free Gift
31:38 Final Thoughts and Goodbye
You can find Andrea at:
Facebook Profile - https://www.facebook.com/andrea.amador.980
The Juicy Woman Facebook Page - https://www.facebook.com/TheJuicyWoman
Facebook Group Lovin' the Skin You're In: How to Bounce Back from Adversity - https://www.facebook.com/groups/431432387054837
Facebook Group Grants Made Easy with Andrea Amador - https://www.facebook.com/groups/grantsmadeeasywithandreaamador
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/andrea-amador-94b60213/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/andrea_thejuicywoman/
TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@thejuicywoman X/formerly
Twitter - http://www.twitter.com/thejuicywoman
Free gift: https://thejuicywoman.gumroad.com/l/TlpMb
If you are a woman struggling with emotional eating, the problem is not what you are eating. it's what's eating you! Stress! If you are ready to have a peaceful and relaxed relationship with food and your body, listen to the first 27 pages of the book, "Lovin' the Skin You're In: The Juicy Woman's Guide to Making Peace with Food and Friends with Your Body."
Read the back cover: Why are you so hungry? Are you finding yourself drawn to the fridge or the vending machine many times throughout the day desperately searching for something, anything? Guess what! That hunger that’s driving your urge to eat isn’t coming from your body. The problem is not what you’re eating. It’s what’s eating you! If you’re ready to learn a process to deal with your stress, and explore the emotional hungers beneath your cravings, then you can get slim slowly and naturally without ever having to diet or feel deprived again. Your journey to a lighter, happier, healthier ‘you’ starts with a spoonful of self-acceptance. Are you ready?
Read this book and let’s get started.
Andrea’s Bio:
Andrea Amador is The Juicy Woman. As an abuse survivor and a women’s empowerment coach, Andrea teaches women struggling with weight and body image issues how to treat themselves kindly, with love and respect so they can build the confidence to rise above the hardship in their lives. She is the author of the book, “Lovin’ the Skin You’re In: The Juicy Woman’s Guide to Making Peace with Food and Friends with Your Body” Through her Losing Weight without Dieting Program, Andrea teaches women how to stop binging, blues and body shame. She gives her clients the tools to manage their stress and inspires them to release the drama, pain and shame of toxic relationships in their lives so they can nurture themselves with the love and food they truly crave. Whether holding a safe space for one or a group of many, Andrea shines as a coach guiding her clients to transform their negative emotions to kick-butt confidence so they can feel worthy and wonderful at every size.
TRANSCRIPT:
Andrea Amador Juicy Woman
===
Welcome to The Brave Widow Show
---
[00:00:00] Emily: Hey, hey, and welcome to episode number 98 of the brave widow show. Today, I speak with Andrea Amador, the juicy woman who is a woman's empowerment coach. And we talk about how to rebuild trust and confidence in yourself after loss. It's a great conversation that I can't wait to share with you. But before I dive in, I want to give you a little teaser.
Exciting Updates for the Brave Widow Community
---
[00:00:24] Emily: So I have been working fast and furiously behind the scenes on some really exciting things for the Brave Widow membership community. We've got a lot of live events lined up for the rest of the year. I've got some exciting things happening that I just want to give you a little teaser about. And so If you don't want to miss out, if you want to be part of these live events, if you want to learn about how to move forward and grief and what next step you should take and how you should take that step and all of the things, then you need to be part of the Brave Widow membership community.
You can join the community by going to BraveWidow. com slash join, J O I N. BraveWidow. com slash join. If you're not part of the community, at a minimum, you want to be on the email list. I email my list pretty much every day without fail, things that are top of mind, tips to help them in moving forward in grief, and you get access to at least some of the live events and webinars that I host for all of the Brave Widow community.
We just wrapped up a six week dating masterclass series, the content in there, not to brag on myself. But it is really, really good, even if you're not interested yet in dating, there's a lot of great information in there on how to evaluate where you are as a person, how you develop relationships, or maybe you avoid them and what things to work on so that when you are ready to dip your toe in that dating pool, you are set up for success.
We want to minimize any of the volatility. We want to minimize all the roller coaster emotions, all of the wasted time, all that stuff. But that's just one example. We cover so many topics in the Brave Widow membership community that even if dating is not your thing, that you can still learn all kinds of stuff and connect with other widows in the community.
So, if you're not part of the membership, I don't know what you're waiting for. This is awesome. An amazing time to join. Again, you can go to BraveWidow. com slash join to do that. And again, at a minimum, get on the email list. If you're not ready to join the community just yet, get on the email list so that you can know when some of our next public events are going to happen.
And you can join the email list by going to BraveWidow. com slash free. All right.
Introducing Andrea Amador: The Juicy Woman
---
[00:03:09] Emily: Let me introduce you to Andrea. Andrea Amador is the juicy woman. As an abuse survivor and a women's empowerment coach, Andrea teaches women struggling with weight and body image issues, how to treat themselves kindly, with love and respect, so they can build the confidence to rise above the hardship in their lives.
She is the author of the book, Lovin' in the Skin You're In, The Juicy Woman's Guide to Making Peace with Food and Friends with Your Body. Through her Losing Weight Without Dieting program,
Andrea teaches women how to stop binging blues and body shame. She gives her clients the tools to manage their stress and inspires them to release the trauma, pain, and shame of toxic relationships in their lives, so they can nurture themselves with the love and food they truly crave. Whether holding a safe space for one or a group of many, Andrea shines as a coach, guiding her clients to transform their negative emotions to kick butt confidence so they can feel worthy and wonderful at every size.
You can find Andrea on TikTok at the juicy woman or on Instagram at Andrea underscore the juicy woman, and we will have all of the links to where you can find her as well as her free gift in the show notes. All right, let's dive in.
Hey, hey, and welcome back to another episode of The Brave Widow Show.
Deep Dive into Trust, Confidence, and Moving Forward
---
[00:04:33] Emily: I am here with Andrea to talk about. Trust and confidence and how to move forward when you don't have all the answers when you don't always have closure as a widow, which is something we know as widows. We really struggle with. So, Andrea, welcome to the show and thank you for coming on today.
[00:04:55] Andrea Amador: Thank you.
It is an absolute delight being
here.
[00:04:58] Emily: Awesome. So I know our audience would love to know about you, maybe some of your background and, what you do. So if you don't mind to share some of that, I think that would be a great place to get started.
[00:05:11] Andrea Amador: Absolutely. I am a women's empowerment coach, and everything that I do is around empowering women.
I come from, um, I was certified and professionally trained as a coach through Institute of Professional Empowerment Coaching, but that's not where I get my edge from. What I get, That what really, really comes to the forefront for me is my background. I come from an abusive background, a pretty tough family, and I learned a lot through experience, hard, hard knocks, I guess you could say.
And what that has given me is a tremendous amount of self compassion and empathy and the ability to listen to women who struggle around weight issues, body image, self esteem, all of that. I'm there for them. I understand. I've walked that path. I have been that woman and struggled with so many painful issues around that.
[00:06:18] Emily: This is such a great, well, really all sorts of topics for widows to address because when we lose our spouse and our thinking partner, our cheerleader, that person that in most cases boosted us up and made us feel just. Whole and complete. that can, that can leave us really questioning who we are, loss of identity and self wondering, , I know I wondered.
I was almost 40. I was somewhat overweight. I had no idea if I was going to attract somebody else online. I eventually did. Like, does anyone want to date me? I have four kids. As a widow, this is crazy. But you have all those very negative thoughts that are bugging you, really, in the back of your mind. And so I think it's great that you help women get through some of that.
[00:07:11] Andrea Amador: What we don't realize is that that chatter that goes on inside of our mind. It's not true. Most of the time, science proves that we have over 60, 000 thoughts of the day, thoughts through the day, and most of them are negative. It's usually just a regurgitation of the past, our assumptions, other people's assumptions of who we are, their opinions, interpretations, saying, Oh, I can't do that.
I'm too stupid. I've never been able to do that. Who do I think I am? It's all like, like really bad soundbites from our life. That put us down and make us feel miserable.
[00:07:54] Emily: Yeah.
Understanding and Changing Negative Thought Patterns
---
[00:07:55] Emily: And I know with some of the widows that I work with and even my own daughter, they really struggle with thinking that they can change their thoughts or that they can even step back and evaluate some of the thoughts that they're having.
Do you have any suggestions or any tips of what people can do, even to just start evaluating, okay, I'm in this negative thought spiral and I'm beating myself up. I'm judging myself harshly. I spoke to, a client the other day and, she says, I just constantly feel like I'm a bad mom. If I'm too tired to cook or I just pick up something and then I think I'm a bad mom, I'm going to mess up my kids.
So how do people even start just identifying their thoughts or trying to change some of those negative thoughts and chatter that they have throughout the day?
Identifying and Overcoming Emotional Eating
---
[00:08:47] Andrea Amador: what I do is I work with women who struggle with emotional eating and binging, and I walk them through the door of food, because as an emotional eater, if your inclination is to reach for food whenever you're under stress.
It's because your brain has wired an association that food equals comfort. It doesn't make you a bad person. You're not lazy. You're not undisciplined. None of that. It's the same as always leading with your left foot. If you, first time around, you started leading walking with your left foot, You're always going to do that until you intentionally become aware and say, Oh, you know what I'm going to start with.
I'm going to put my right foot out this time and start walking with my right foot. It's a matter of awareness. So if you're aware of something, if you start to listen to your thoughts, pay attention to just it. Slow down, pause, take a breath, and say, what am I thinking? Is that really true? That's so powerful to ask, is that really true?
Because as an adult woman, you're no longer the child you were. So if you, what you're hearing is. Put down or someone saying something mean about you when you were a kid of criticism, you can step back and say, wait a minute, I have a PhD. Am I really stupid? Maybe not.
[00:10:25] Emily: Yeah. Just, just stepping back and questioning whether or not that thought is true.
Maybe even whether or not that thought is helpful. I think it's a great, you know, first step to , getting out of these. I tried explaining to my daughter last night. I said it's almost like just a spiral that once you start Getting into that it's just easier to go deeper and deeper into this place that you really don't want to be and I love that you mentioned that we should pause and take a deep breath that really helps to calm our fight or flight system and that part of our brain that keeps us from thinking a little more logically, a little more rationally, that allows us to feel a little safer in doing that.
[00:11:14] Andrea Amador: I love that you said that, is it useful? Because I'm a master practitioner of neurolinguistic programming, and that's basically being able to reframe your thoughts so that you're in an empowered place. Going from a victim to, no, I'm a strong individual, independent woman, when you think about something in terms of, is it useful?
It changes everything. Because if you come from, um, a background where people are manipulative and they're, they have issues around communication, power is a very big thing. And many people exert their power over others over intimidation, trying to bully their way forward and to just be mean. So they make Call you stupid.
They may say you're fat. You're ugly. What do you think? What are you wearing that you look like a cow? That kind of thing sticks with us. And we hold on to it, especially when those people who have told that to us are Okay. And I think that's, that's one of the most important people in our lives that they could be parents.
They could be a Girl Scout leader. It could be a pastor. It could be someone who has authority over you and you respect them. Oh, that's
[00:12:44] Emily: so good. It does. It does stay with us. And, we replay those words over and over in our mind and our default is to believe that those things are true. And that's You know, just part of who we are, I think you, you brought up a really good point and I don't know the nature of the abuse that you faced in the past, but obviously you probably work with women that have faced all different kinds of abuse.
And I know, yeah, I know some of our. Our widow audience has as well.
Navigating Relationships and Recognizing Red Flags
---
[00:13:19] Emily: And one of the questions that I tend to get is how can I recognize the signs of someone who's abusive or how can I recognize the signs of a narcissist or somebody that just emotionally isn't healthy or supportive?, do you have any suggestions for women on maybe how they could identify some of these yellow or red flags, kind of earlier on to help boost their confidence in thinking about dating again?
[00:13:49] Andrea Amador: Absolutely. What I do is I teach women how to trust themselves. And by learning to trust yourself, listening to that core sense that that inner flame inside of each of us that will never ever go out as long as we focus on our inner core, our strength, our You, you may get it from your faith in God, you may get it from a sense that you can overcome anything, whatever it is, whatever it is that makes you, you as an individual, you have that, it's an inner guidance.
That's what I think it is. And so if you're around people, or you're, you meet someone, and they are all about themselves. Oh, me, me, me, me. I'm so fabulous and all of this and they never let you get a word in edgewise. That is clue one. That person may be all about themselves. Another thing is someone who doesn't have any empathy.
Someone who has no sense of others, , so for example, let's say that you share your story of being a widow and, actually you said this beautifully in, the podcast, How to Talk to Widows. Something that someone might say without thinking is, oh yeah, I know exactly how you feel, I got divorced. I got divorced.
I got divorced. I got divorced. That is not the most sensitive, kindest, gentlest way of speaking to someone because it shows no empathy. You don't know how someone feels. You have never been in their shoes. So, therefore, you know, somebody who says something like that just assumes how you feel. Or, here's a better one, tells you that you have no right to feel the way you do.
Oh, you shouldn't be feeling sad. Get over it! Oh, no, no. So those are some really big tips on how to spot someone who is, , I'm not necessarily going to say a narcissist, but has narcissistic tendencies.
[00:16:13] Emily: Those are such good points. And I think just culturally where we are, we tend to default to trying to label people and trying to say, Oh, they're definitely a narcissist.
They're all about themselves, but you made some really great points that I want to reiterate. So that first one being that someone is only about themselves. Somebody isn't curious about you and about. How you feel and about what you think about different things or how your mind works. Somebody that doesn't have any empathy.
And I see a lot of widows defaulting to, well, I want to date a widower because they're the only one who could understand. They're the only one who is going to be accepting, who's not going to question this or that. And the reality is there's a lot. Of great people out there that, yeah, maybe they haven't ever lost their spouse, especially not to death, but they are going to care enough about you that they want to understand the best that they can.
They want to know, well, what how does that work dating as a widow? Like, how do you think about your late husband? How do you think about dating someone else? Like, they're really curious about. Your experience or about that, how that has affected you and about how they can best support you on this journey as you're moving forward.
And I think that's such a beautiful thing.
[00:17:42] Andrea Amador: It is, and I'm going to again put it back on you because I love this podcast. You had mentioned in the same way that you have four children. When you had that one, that first child, you thought, Oh my gosh, I'm never ever going to love another child as much as I do.
And then number two comes along and your heart grows and number three and your heart expands more and number four. And with each, let's consider that it's not children, but let's say, okay, here you are, you've just lost your, your significant other, your partner, your husband. Wife, you think, I'm never ever going to love again, but then you meet someone who has that sense of caring about you, that love, that, that passion for you, that curiosity about you, that creates a spark and you think, maybe, possibly, Who knows?
[00:18:51] Emily: Exactly. So as we think about widows and trying to trust that gut instinct and trying to navigate with their intuition of seeing some of these, You know, red flags or things that might be issues and trusting their judgment and decisions as widows, that can be really hard because even decisions that were easy for us before, now it's like we see the world with through a different lens, like the things that we were so sure about our spouse being there for us, our friends and family being there for us, knowing who we are and what we like, all of that is shattered.
And we're trying to. I'm going to be talking about how we piece together our new reality of the world and our new reality of what this life is going to be like. We don't even know. And we just really often find ourselves second guessing a lot of our decisions or, well, I'm thinking, maybe this is an issue, maybe it's not.
I'm not really sure.
Rebuilding Confidence and Trust in Yourself
---
[00:19:57] Emily: Can women get started in trying to rebuild confidence in themselves, in trying to rebuild trust that they know the right path to follow, or that it's okay if they change their mind later? How should someone even get started in trying to do that?
[00:20:17] Andrea Amador: Well, again, going back to neuro linguistic programming and being able to change and reframe your situation from feeling like a victim.
Here I am. I've lost my husband. I'm lost. I don't know what to do. Um, I can't trust anybody. What would it, what, what would it be like if you could take all of those fears and insecurities and doubts and turn them into a sense of confidence and power? I can do this.
[00:20:51] Emily: Yeah. I mean, even just changing that thought can help create all, like a ripple effect on some of the actions that we take and how we feel about those actions that we take.
I was going to ask if you have any other tips or suggestions for our, , widows that are out there or maybe even things that they could explore in knowing whether or not they're struggling with having confidence in themselves or they're struggling to overcome some of those negative thinking patterns.
[00:21:24] Andrea Amador: Absolutely.
Seeking Support and Changing Perspectives
---
[00:21:25] Andrea Amador: I think getting another perspective, seeking out grief counseling, is tremendous. Almost as soon as my husband passed away, I went to the doctor and I requested a referral for a grief counselor because I knew my thoughts were so messed up and I needed perspective. I needed help. Because, as I said, going back to useful, is it useful?
I'm not saying is something true or not true. So if you're questioning something in your life, is this true that, this unfair situation happened to me? No, that's not useful. You can take the energy because everything comes down to energy. The same energy that we waste worrying about, is my husband a good man?
Is he faithful to me? , or is he running around with other women? or are we going to have enough money for the bills this month? All of these thoughts are not useful if we replay them over and over and over obsessively. And I bring the conversation to this because coming from that abusive background, I lived in a situation where men could not be trusted.
And They were mean and cruel and like predators. So for a very, very long period of my life. I treated my husband as though he were the guilty party when he never did anything to deserve that kind of treatment. But I did because I was living inside of my head. And it's so true that we accept the love we think we deserve.
Because here my husband was this wonderful man who was pouring love onto me and so affectionate and so complimentary and adoring and helpful and kind and I couldn't handle it. It was too much because I had a belief that I wasn't good enough, that I wasn't pretty enough. That he would leave me for another thinner woman.
I had this issue with my thighs forever. Feeling well because I have these fat thighs. You can't love me. What you're saying is not true. And many people would wonder because I had a 32 year marriage and we loved each other so much, I didn't always show my insecurities. I was very good at pulling back and just beating up on myself.
And, especially from the point when I became a coach from 2004, which is just around the time that I also learned how to use emotional freedom technique that just changed everything because I had spent it. 18 years with a therapist trying to reconcile my past. And that was, that was wonderful to an extent, but it also kept the pot stirring.
And when I learned the emotional freedom technique, that was amazing because it finally put the power in my fingertips. I didn't have to have my therapist on speed dial anymore.
[00:25:08] Emily: I love that. And I resonate so much with what you say that things that have happened to us in the past, our mind remembers.
our body remembers. And so if in the past men haven't been safe and are, we know that being around them, even though it may have, there may be some positive to it, that overall we can't relax. We can't be safe. We can't trust them. Then until we reconcile with that, we're going to continue to feel that in the future.
And it's going to bleed over into some of our other relationships. So if. You're listening and you're a widow and you're trying to forge new relationships and you just feel Unsafe or you feel highly anxious or you notice that there are some of those things that are happening Might be good to evaluate if some of that could be coming from the past and there's some opportunity to Explore that a little bit more, even with attachment styles or how we, communicate and relate to other people.
There's just so much there that could be uncovered for sure.
[00:26:16] Andrea Amador: Yes. I was the anxious attachment style.
[00:26:21] Emily: I was avoidant. So I love telling about my, myself and all the things that I used to do and still catch myself having that initial gut reaction of, Oh, I need to create space. But being a little more emotionally intelligent now and being able to, you, Recognize that.
And like you said, having the power in your fingertips to evaluate and recognize here's what's happening in my mind. Here's what I'm feeling in my body. And I have the power to change that and to change some of those outcomes and results. Yes.
Andrea's Ideal Client and How She Helps
---
[00:26:56] Emily: So Andrea, tell us a little bit about your ideal client of who you work with maybe some things that she would be coming to you for, or maybe some things she struggled with and then what she was able to achieve or overcome in her time of working with you.
[00:27:13] Andrea Amador: Yes. Many times my clients come from backgrounds where they have been abused and most of the time sexually abused because that's a level of violation that that cuts through your identity in a way that is so unique. And what it creates is a tremendous sense of body shame, feeling like you cannot be safe.
And many women don't recognize this and and they let's the diet when have a lot to say about diets. We spoke about manipulative people who attempt to intimidate you and push you around. Well, a diet is the same dynamic. It's saying, No, you can't eat ice cream. No, you're a fat pig. Put the close that refrigerator.
What's the matter with you? If you have a sense of fear around food. But you have associations from the past where you love that food, you gravitate toward that food, you need the comfort that that food gives you. And science has proven that there's a dopamine release when you eat something, your body says, Yay, we're safe, we're happy, we're, we're comfortable.
And so by Doing the diet thing by saying, no, no, no ice cream out of the house, never going to eat it again, never going to eat sugar again, chocolate by you're creating this double bind effect this, um, this tug of war. No, it's, it's a much better analogy. The seesaw. There comes a point when you can no longer resist having that food or keeping that food away.
So you have a confrontation and you're angry with someone and you're thinking about all the things you want to say to them, but you don't really feel that comfortable about saying it. So you end up being silent and you are the one who's just receiving and Basically being beaten up by them, being mean to you, and then all the things that you say to yourself as a result of what they've said to you.
As soon as you get that phone off the hook, or as soon as you click the button on your phone, that's it. You're going straight for the freezer, you're going for that ice cream, or you're going out, you're gonna buy it, and you're going to fall into that gallon.
[00:29:57] Emily: Yeah. I mean, that sounds like me. Something I've struggled with in the past anyway.
So I think lots of our audience will definitely resonate with that.
Where to Find Andrea and Her Free Gift
---
[00:30:07] Emily: , where can people find you if they want to learn more about you, they want to work with you. I know you have something to, I think you're giving away to the audience. So why don't you share some about that too?
[00:30:19] Andrea Amador: Yes, absolutely. , actually I have it here.
This is my book, Lovin' in the Skin You're In The Juicy Woman's Guide to Making Peace with Food and Friends with Your Body. I'm so excited. Since the book is, , such it's a Bible of empowerment. The freebie is the first hour of the audio book. So you get actually 58 minutes, I think in 20 seconds. So you get me talking in your ear.
[00:30:48] Emily: I love it. And if you are not watching this video, you should definitely check out the book. That'd be the cover is just beautiful. And I love how you said juicy woman, because I can relate to that.
But anyway, continue.
[00:31:02] Andrea Amador: And, you can find me at the juicy woman. com. I am now on Twitter. let's see. It's , the juicy woman and Instagram, Andrea underscore the juicy woman. Now I'm everywhere and I'm going to be relaunching my Lovin' in the skin you're in podcast.
[00:31:22] Emily: And for anyone who's multitasking while they're listening or watching, know that we'll have all the links to where you can find Andrea and what she has for you in the show notes.
So you can always go back and find that and track her down.
Final Thoughts and Goodbye
---
[00:31:38] Emily: Well, Andrea, thank you so much for coming on the show today. I really appreciate all the valuable insights that you had to share and thank you for the work you do in working with women and putting a purpose to the pain that you've experienced personally.
[00:31:56] Andrea Amador: Here's the thing, Emily, it's just one thing to leave everybody with is that in the pursuit of desperately craving love in the form of food, in the form of validation from other people, you're bound to get hurt at some point, it's going to happen. So what you have to do is you have to fill your own cup, you have to be the one to love yourself. And then you will attract other people who recognize that and love you.
[00:32:26] Emily: I love that so much. So thank you for sharing that and for coming on the show.
[00:32:32] Andrea Amador: Thank you so much. It's been so fun.
[00:32:34] Emily: Are you a widow who feels disconnected? Do you feel like you're stuck or even going backwards in your grief? Widowhood can be lonely and isolating, but it doesn't have to be. Join us in the Brave Widow membership community and connect. We teach widows how to find hope, heal their heart, and dream again for the future.
Find your purpose and create a life you love today. Go to bravewidow. com to get started.
