Jane
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Emily: [00:00:00] Hey, hey, and welcome to episode number 84 of the Brave Little Show. 84 episodes. Not a milestone that most people would celebrate, but as I looked at the calendar and I looked at the episode count, I thought about how incredible it is. 88 episodes. Now, I'm recording these podcast episodes In advance, uh, this particular episode is going to be about two to three months in advance.
And the reason for that is because I've had an, such an influx of interest in people wanting to come and tell their story. To be open and vulnerable and to inspire and encourage other widows that are out there, which is amazing. I love that. Unfortunately, that means that we have recorded many, many [00:01:00] episodes in a short period of time, and so for me to release them, we are spreading it out over the next couple of months.
So, as I think about the time that this podcast is going to be released, it will have been over a year since I started this podcast journey. Now, I'm not A perfect podcaster. I never really thought of myself as a podcaster. My first few episodes, if you went back and watched them, the video quality was pretty terrible.
The audio quality, not great at all. And, um, I was super nervous. I was pausing every episode. I would get teary eyed, have to cry for a little bit. Rerecord or start, resume the recording again. Uh, there is just so much that I've learned about doing podcasting. I love doing it.
I love getting to hear other people's stories. I love getting to connect with them and getting to share their [00:02:00] stories with other widows that are out there, because widowhood is such an isolating and lonely. Experience. It's so easy to feel like you're not that you are alone, that no one understands that there couldn't possibly be someone out there with a story like yours.
And so I have been so amazingly blessed and honored to hear and share some really, really incredible stories. That are out there and I'm so proud of these brave widows and widowers who come forward, who share their story, who share tears, who laugh with me, uh, who really just pour their heart and soul into sharing this with the world and with you who's listening or watching right now.
So as I think about the fact that the show has been published for over a year now, [00:03:00] that's Wonderful and amazing. And, I would love to continue to grow the audience base. I would love to continue to spread the word, to help share this show with other widows and widowers who may need it. Who may be looking for a story that's like theirs, or looking for some of the insights and advice that we so, so often share here.
And, one of the ways that you can help. For absolutely free is by engaging with the content. So if you're watching this on YouTube, leave me a comment, give me a thumbs up, subscribe to the channel. The number one thing comment on the video. If you just do that one thing as you're watching, just comment on the video.
That would be amazing. If you're listening to the audio version. Leave the Brave Widow show a review that goes so far in helping us get the [00:04:00] word out about the show, about the amazing stories and experiences that are happening here. So please help engage and help drive a wider reach of the show to help others who, uh, really may benefit from the podcast that we have here.
All right. So on today's episode, I speak with a young widow named Jane and Jane has a wonderful smile and a wonderful presence. And I hope that you're able to see her on video or at least a clip of her just to get the full picture of who she really is. Um, but she really has a heart for giving back and for helping other widows.
So let me introduce you to Jane. After the loss of her partner. To a sudden and tragic death, this 33 year old widow was left to answer the question of what it takes to adjust to life after the worst possible scenario becomes her reality. She is the [00:05:00] co admin of a Facebook group called Young One, and that's W O N, not the number one.
And an in person support group for young widows and widowers in New York City. They provide a community space for meeting other widows with the goal of building a support network for one another. So if you're driving, you're mowing your lawn, you're doing whatever it is you're out there doing in the world as you're listening to this, you didn't quite catch that you want to join the group, you're in the New York city or New York area.
All the links will be in the show notes that you can use to get to that group. But again, it's called young one and that's young W O N, which is a support group for widows and widowers in the New York. Area. All right, let's dive in.
Welcome to The Brave Widow Podcast. [00:06:00] I'm your host, Emily Jones. We help young widows heal their heart, find hope, and dream again for the future.
Hey, hey, welcome to another episode of the Brave Widow show. Today I have a special guest with me, Jane, and I'm so excited for you to hear from her, to hear her story and some of the insights that she has to share along the way. So Jane, thank you so much for coming on the show today and for being willing to share your story.
Jane Groysman: Thanks so much for having me, Emily. So, um, I'm Jane and, uh, I'm here, unfortunately, fortunately, unfortunately, I became a widow a little bit over a year ago. I lost my partner, Tim, uh, April 27th, um, 2022, uh, so I'm, I'm still fairly new into this and I'm still figuring out the, you know, the ins and outs and the, the emotions that [00:07:00] come along with being a young widow, which is definitely a small demographic.
Emily Jones: Yeah, I, I know, I know for me, well, actually I thought I was widowed at 37 and I thought I'm going to be a freak, like nobody gets widowed that young, like widows are like 80 and they were married for, you know, 60 years and like, this doesn't happen to young people, but it's so surprising how many people this does happen to, I think maybe the youngest I've talked to, Uh, was 21 or 22 and it's just mind blowing, you know, how, how common that is, but tell us a little bit about how you met your husband and, and what it was like when you, you know, just started to get to know him.
Jane Groysman: So we met very young. We were both working in college as tutors. Um, and he was about 22 when I was 24. Um, so we [00:08:00] basically grew up together. We both went to school at the same time. Uh, started becoming adults around the same time. So it was just part of my life. Uh, it was a big part that I shared with him.
So we were together for almost nine years, I would say.
Emily Jones: And what did you just really like about him? Like what caught your eye and, and made you go, Oh, okay. I kind of like this guy.
Jane Groysman: Um, he was very inquisitive. He would seek out knowledge. He always wanted to learn about whatever interested him. And he's a compassionate person.
So if he's talking to someone, he, you know, he's really invested in, in talking to that person and just, you know, connecting with them. That's amazing. The thing is that I'm thinking back at him. He was such a uh, I don't want to say introvert because he wasn't very much of an introvert. He was able to connect, but he was quiet.
But when he would connect with someone and [00:09:00] say something, I mean, it would be, uh, profound, I would say. He would always know what to say.
Emily Jones: That's awesome. Especially, um, I know a lot of women get frustrated with their spouses for not being able to emotionally connect or feeling like they're not a good listener.
So it sounds like he was just a beautiful soul and a great person who, who could do those kinds of things. And he, he probably, if I had to guess, made you really feel seen and understood, is that a fair assessment?
Jane Groysman: I would say so. So, um, at the beginning of our relationship, we had a very strong emotional connection and it was a difficult time in my life because I was going through graduate school.
So it was really nice to have that emotional support and have someone to lean on. Oh, that's
Emily Jones: awesome. And then, um, did you guys have any kids? Uh, during the time that you were together, no kids. Okay. And then usually if you're open to sharing it, you know, people like to [00:10:00] know about how you lost your spouse or just a little bit about what
Jane Groysman: happened.
Um, so Tim, when I met him was coming out of a very difficult time in his life. He's struggling with addiction as a, I would say, even as a teenager early on. So he was, I think, two or three years, um, clean when I met him. Okay. He was pursuing school. He was moving away from, from that. And unfortunately, when he passed away, it was from a very freak accident with, with substance use.
That really didn't, it wasn't something that you'd expect someone to pass away from. We have a big fentanyl problem in this country. And he was, uh, I believe, smoking something that had fentanyl in it. That's what the Report came back with
Emily Jones: yeah, I, I definitely have heard many stories, uh, whether it was intentional or unintentional where fentanyl had a role to play, or maybe it was something just [00:11:00] completely different than what they were expecting and, um, Sometimes that's really hard, and sometimes it's hard for widows, especially because that can come with a certain stigma, or maybe people feel like they have to make comments about it, or, you know, maybe there's a feeling that you get less sympathy.
So do you feel like you kind of experience that same thing?
Jane Groysman: Oh, yeah, all of the above, I would say. Welcome to compounded grief. But, um. It's, it's hard because I, I felt for the most part I was completely blindsided because for a long time she was fine and clean and not really something that I was strongly suspecting.
It was, it came more of a shock than anything else.
Emily Jones: Yeah. So, um, after you lost him. Then, what, what were those next few months like? Did you have much support around you? Did you, [00:12:00] uh, have to do everything pretty much on your own? What did that look like
Jane Groysman: for you? So, the month right after I lost him was a whirlwind because my whole just living situation, everything changed.
Um, because I was so traumatized by the loss and just how I, I came upon seeing him. I actually I ended up giving up my lease and moving out of my apartment. Um, I had to get rid of most of my stuff. So that in itself is also a loss, like loss of, you know, my own space and home and all that. Um, and the family, I would say they were supportive, but to a point, it's hard for people who haven't experienced that kind of loss, even if they have experienced loss or grief.
Loss of a partner is It's very different. You lose your every day. You lose your future. You lose kind of your, I think your grounding. You're very much ungrounded. Um, and so I [00:13:00] would, I would get comments where people would think what they were saying was, was helpful, but it wasn't, you know, a lot of times it'd be very triggering or it'd be the wrong thing to say.
Uh, and they wouldn't know they think they would think they're comforting me and also just at that time finding out, How people would treat you during a tragedy is really difficult because not everyone reacts the way you think they would and it could be really hurtful.
Emily Jones: Yeah, you hit on some really good points.
You know, a lot of times people just give us platitudes or they say something and they may say things like, well, at least you didn't have kids. Well, maybe you were trying to, or at least you're still young. You can find somebody else. Well, you probably don't want to, you know, like all, all of these things that are the opposite of helpful and sometimes make us more aggravated.
So. That can be especially challenging. How, [00:14:00] how did you ever go from probably feeling like life is hopeless, you know, I have nothing to live for you know, the depths of despair and sadness, to ever even start thinking about, okay, maybe I can do this, maybe there is hope for the future. What helped you kind of start moving in that direction?
Jane Groysman: I would say it was very, very slow and gradual, um, in the beginning because it's just, uh, such a shock and it just shakes you to the, it shook me to the core. I would, I would say it's still, you know, like, some days are harder than others and I would say, uh, the longer I progress through this, there are more days that are good than there are days, but I would say just, um, leaning on people, you know, that are supportive, um, yeah.
I, I really do recommend that and it's hard to do because my instinct personally is right [00:15:00] now, it wasn't before but not to connect, not not to call friends, not to call family because it's just, it's too painful. It's very connected to what my life used to be. I'm trying to get back into that. Um, I would say I'm, I'm at a different place than I was definitely a year ago, because I'm enjoying life more.
But I'm still trying to figure out what, at this point, I want for my life because, I mean, I, I was with it at a time where, you know, you, like, you start, getting homes, you start having kids, you start figuring out what you want to do, because, like, in your early 30s, and, uh, just losing him really just made me question what is it that I want.
It made me really question my own mortality.
Emily Jones: Yeah, it really helps us sharpen, like, our priorities and what we think is important and for me it helped because I was like, there were so many things I just didn't care about anymore that it relieved a lot of anxiety of stuff that I would get [00:16:00] worked up about, uh, but it is so interesting how when we're widowed, it's almost like we are rediscovering who we are, like, we emerge Almost someone who's different in a lot of ways and you go, well, what do I want my, for my future?
What things do I like to do? You know, do I still enjoy doing this that we did together and it's exciting and terrifying and, um. Amazing, just all kind of wrapped in one, so I am excited for you for your future, because I think you have some really interesting things that you could try to uncover about yourself and about what you want to do.
Um, but of course my heart goes out to you for having to go through this experience and, and be part of, of the Widow group. But, um, it's, it's an interesting time trying to refigure those things out.
Jane Groysman: It [00:17:00] definitely is. And I mean, I'm going to say something very cliche, which I think a number of people do feel that it makes you realize how lucky you are amongst all that and just how grateful I, you know, how I grateful I am for, you know, my family for the help that I have and for my career for my friends for just being here that not everybody gets that not everyone is guaranteed a tomorrow.
So I'm, I'm trying to, at this point, make the most of that and I'm also trying to connect with, with other widows in the area because when I, um, right after I was widowed, I think that feeling of just, just utter shock and, and loneliness, not being able to really connect to anybody on that level. I think a lot of, a lot of people have that and it's very difficult for them to connect with the people that are in their life.
So right now I'm trying to focusing on reaching out to others and. Hopefully making a community in New [00:18:00] York for, uh, young widows.
Emily Jones: Yeah, I love that. So why don't you share a little bit with the audience about the, um, the group that you have and some of the things that you're doing in New York. I think that's awesome.
Yeah.
Jane Groysman: So, um, we're very early, so we started a group. It's called one, one, uh, widows and widowers of New York city. And really what we're trying to do is you're just building a community to connect to each other for support, for friendship, for just. Whatever you need at that time. Um, definitely not counseling.
We don't provide that. We're not mental health specialists, but, you know, to offer, you know, a friendship, because for me, that helped a lot to know that I'm not losing my mind that, okay, this is normal. You know, like, I went, like, someone sharing, like, they went through something similar. It really helped me progress through my journey.
So, right now, we are a Facebook group. We are doing, um, virtual meetings, and we're also doing in person meetings.
Emily Jones: That's awesome. And we'll, for, for those of [00:19:00] you listening, we'll include the link to that group in the show notes. If you're interested in what to join and, uh, it's one W O N, not the number one.
Um, but if you're, if you're looking for the number one, we're not sure what you're going to find. So be careful there, but W O N and we'll, um, also include the links there. So if you're in. The New York area, I'm sure they would love to have you be part of that group and be part of some of the in person meetups for sure.
Yeah,
Jane Groysman: we'd love to have you and you're not alone. Many of us.
Emily Jones: Yeah. So on that note, what. What advice would you give to someone who's maybe struggling, they're in their early days, or maybe some words of encouragement? What, what words would you leave for people, um, that are walking a similar journey to you?
I
Jane Groysman: would say, uh, to take it one day at a time. [00:20:00] That in the beginning it is hard, but it's not always going to be that hard. It's always going to have that, you know, that heaviness, I would say. I, I don't see myself really. Ever getting over it. Right. But as I move further away from it, there is a level of acceptance and there is.
And I can't imagine how that would be the case but I am in some peace even with, uh, uh, like, unexpected traumatic loss.
Emily Jones: Yeah. Thank you so much, Jane. And I, I agree with you. Um, there is hope for the future. There is hope that you can laugh again and you can have joy and I didn't know if it was possible. I, I was hoping it was possible.
I was believing it was possible. I didn't know how it was but I do know that and feel it and live it every day now and, Um, it's, it's a long, hard journey, but you can. Get there. So Jane, thank you so much for coming on the show and sharing your story and just really appreciated you being here today.
Jane Groysman: Thank you so [00:21:00] much.
I really appreciate the opportunity to talk to you.
Emily Jones: Hey guys. Thank you so much for listening to the Brave Widow Podcast. I would love to help you take your next step, whether that's healing your heart, finding hope, or achieving your dreams for the future.
Do you need a safe space to connect with other like-minded widows? Do you wish you had how-tos for getting through the next steps in your journey, organizing your life or moving through grief? What about live calls where you get answers to your burning questions? The Brave Widow Membership Community is just what you need.
Inside you'll find courses to help guide you, a community of other widows to connect with, live coaching and q and a calls, and small group coaching where you can work on what matters most to you. Learn how to heal your heart, find hope, reclaim joy, and dream again for the future. [00:22:00] It is possible. Head on over to brave widow.com to learn more.
