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Emily: [00:00:00] Hey, hey, welcome to episode number 86 of the brave widow show today. I talk with a special guest, Eryn Zamora. Aaron is a 28 year old widow who lost her husband and person of four years, to a terrible form of cancer. He was age 29. He was healthy. Everything was, was great. And, , unfortunately at the incredibly young age of, of 29, he. Past and her story is one full of many ups and downs of really what was an emotional roller coaster. And this story was. Especially difficult for me at parts, uh, I worked in health care as many of you may know for 20 years and I wasn't a nurse and I mostly was not on the clinical side, but I have a great appreciation and respect for what it takes to effectively work in health care.[00:01:00]
I can't imagine what it takes to practice medicine, but I know that is no easy task. And while I have the most. Respect and appreciation and care for people that work in health care. I also recognize that sometimes the patient coordination experience or the patient communication experience isn't always the best.
And her story takes place over really a couple of months, uh, being transferred to four different hospitals, uh, struggling with many ups and downs of communication that went sideways and just some of her struggles. And so, while many of us have lost our spouses while they were in the hospital or while they were in the health care continuum at some point, it is very much a reality, some of the emotional struggles that widows and family members experience when communication is lost.[00:02:00]
Doesn't happen, maybe the information isn't there, maybe the transfers don't happen as smoothly as they can, and maybe sometimes health care just doesn't go according to plan and you have very limited options.
All right, so let's dive in to Eryn's story.
Emily Jones: Welcome to The Brave Widow Podcast. I'm your host, Emily Jones. We help young widows heal their heart, find hope, and dream again for the future.
Emily: Hey, hey, welcome back to another episode of the brave widow show today. I'm excited to share with you a special guest, Eryn Zamora.
Eryn thank you so much for agreeing to come on the show today. And I'm excited to show your story with our audience. Yeah, definitely. Thank you for having me. Yeah. So I know everyone would love to hear a little bit about [00:03:00] you about your background and then we can really just dive into your story wherever you like.
Eryn Zamora: Okay. Yeah, I am 28 and, I am a production planner, which is lots of fun. Definitely chaotic.
Emily Jones: But are you like the organized person that keeps everybody on track? Basically. Okay.
Eryn Zamora: Pretty much. Yeah. So that's been, it's been a lot of fun lately. It's end of the quarter. So., But yeah, my husband, uh, his name was Dan, he was 29.
We met in 2019 a mutual friend of ours, I had just moved back from California to Texas and, an old friend of mine asked if I wanted to go swimming at this. Like, Greenbelts in Austin and, so I had, I was kind of hesitant at first, but then I ended up going and, she had a,[00:04:00] invited another friend and I had gotten there and she was like, Oh, hey, do you care if I invite another friend?
Eryn Zamora: And I was like, Oh, no, it's fine. Whatever. Then I was thinking, you know, someone that she was interested in or something. And then he showed up with his dog, Lily, and, we all went to the Greenbelts and he was very shy and quiet. And, we spent that whole day together, we, we swam and talked and, I had a, a softball game that day.
And so they both came with me to the softball game after we got done swimming and it was tons of fun and he ended up like talking with my stepmom, like my whole softball game, just asking her questions about me and she thought it was weird, but, you know, it was actually really sweet. And then we stayed up talking that whole night till about 6 in the morning, just talking, getting to know each other.
And ever since then, we have just been by each other's side.
Emily Jones: [00:05:00] Oh, I love that. So was he like that really the rest of your relationship? Was he a good listener and curious about you?
Eryn Zamora: He definitely was. He was hands down the sweetest, like, most affectionate person I've ever met in my life and he just always put me first and was always making sure I was okay or worrying about me and he was just the best person.
Emily Jones: I love that. I think, people like that really help us feel seen and understood and, and important. And that's just such a beautiful gift that, you know, sometimes we find in our person, which is amazing. So, what, uh, what else did you like about him? What made you start to think like, yeah, okay, maybe he's the 1 that, you know, I really want to spend my time with and that I want to
be with.
Eryn Zamora: Well, he. We had so much in common just right off of the bat and, um, I could [00:06:00] not
understand, like, he was, he was very, very shy and very closed off. And, just he was very inquisitive. He always was asking questions about, oh, well, why'd you do that? Or what caused you to want to do that? And would you want to do it again? I was just like, Actually asking questions, like, trying to get to know me and the way my brain works.
And I was kind of like, I'm not used to that. And he was just very soft spoken. And I had just gotten out of, like, probably a few months prior. I just got out of, like, a really bad relationship that I was in for 7 years and he just. Would allow me to talk about whatever I needed to, and I couldn't imagine spending any day without him.
Well,
Emily Jones: I love that. Yeah, it's, amazing at times when we find those rare people that just really want to understand us on [00:07:00] a totally different level than most people. I mean, most people, sometimes it's hard, even just to have a conversation and they're not deflecting it or talking about something else. So, yeah, that's a really, really an awesome.
Experience. Yeah. So you met in 2019 and, uh, it sounds like you guys were just two little peas in a pod after that. And just, you know, kind of, um, started hanging out together and building your relationship. Uh, what were the next few years? Like,
Eryn Zamora: so for the first couple of years, we were living with my mother, trying to save up money for a, um, down payment on a house.
And, so, that was kind of, we, we spent those couple of years, you know, buying furniture and all of the house necessities, that we would need for the house because we didn't want to buy the house. And then, you know, money so tight, you can't afford to buy anything. So we had spent the 1st, couple of years just saving up [00:08:00] and buying things for the house.
And I'm going to, family gatherings and parks with his son and he is a 10 year old son and he's there. He was such a great dad to him was perfect. Um, and then I think it was. It was January of last year. We finally had enough money, for, to put in an offer on a house. So we started looking and, we had thrown a couple offers out for a couple of different properties and, you know, we kept getting outbidded and it was very defeating, you know, we were sad.
And then we found one and then we came to see it and, we walked inside and there was a stocking, a Christmas stocking hanging on the fire mantle and it had my name on it. And it was just like, and then there was another one that had the name Lily on it, which was his dog's name. What? And it was just a crazy coincidence, you know?
So, um, after touring the house, [00:09:00] we were like, I think this might be the one. And so we put in an offer and we got outbid. But the owners didn't want to rely on, you know, the highest offer. So they accepted the second highest offer. Cause they didn't think that we would, you know, they thought we would follow through.
So we moved into our home January last year. Our first house and, started decorating and painting and house projects and getting prepared for, you know, we, we wanted to get a room set up for his son and a potential baby and, you know, all the fun things that come with, you know, buying a house.
Emily Jones: Yeah. And, um, sounds like you guys were able to get through at least a few projects and really make it feel like. This is going to be our place. And, you know, sometimes doing projects like that together can be really aggravating. My boyfriend and I were, [00:10:00] have just been like sanding and refinishing some big bookcase, like entertainment center, uh, things in this house that we, uh, have rehabbed.
And I can see where that could definitely go sideways, but fortunately for us, it didn't. So, uh, hopefully it went well for you guys too.
Eryn Zamora: Yeah, I mean, there was definitely those moments where, you know, you're so frustrated because it's just not working out the way that you envisioned it and you're like sitting there for hours like, well, why don't we try it this way?
Well, why don't we try it this way? And then she's like, I'm going to bed. I'm tired of dealing with this.
Emily Jones: So, were you able to get some of those major projects completed or is it something that ended up, you know, just 1 of those things you were just always working on it.
Eryn Zamora: I mean. We got most of the painting done.
There's like a couple rooms that aren't fully painted. And our front garden used to be all gravel. And so we removed all of the gravel and rocks [00:11:00] from there and actually planted a garden. Plans that we planted did not survive, but I recently just redid it and I planted a couple of trees and a bunch of plants.
So I'm like, hoping that this time around it stays.
Emily Jones: Yeah, and that's a chore moving all those rocks. Like, you think it's not going to be a big deal, but is a big deal. So
Eryn Zamora: it's insanely heavy. Yeah.
Emily Jones: All right. So, um, you moved into this house together, you're building this life, you're. Making updates to the house, you're, you know, getting a garden going and, you know, what happens, um, how did you end up losing person?
Eryn Zamora: So, June 27th of this year, he got diagnosed. He got the diagnosis. Okay. Well, back up a little bit. So back in, like, April, I want to say, we had removed these [00:12:00] large, large bushes from our, front garden, and, it was a lot of work, and I thought that he had strained his back, and, his back started bothering him quite a bit, and, we thought that, you know, maybe he pulled a muscle or something, and it was just kind of, it had been aching for a few weeks after that and, um, he was having abdominal pain as well.
And so, you know, we went to the hospital the first time, in May and, they had basically chalked it up to that he was, backed up. And because he wasn't having regular bowel movements and, uh, so they gave him some Miralax and, um, something for nausea and then they sent us home. And, uh, so he was seeing a chiropractor at that time thinking that that might help him with his back pain.
And, um, so he had gone to, like, a couple adjustments and it had oddly helped a little bit. And [00:13:00] then, but the pain just kept coming back. Um, and he was losing weight. He wasn't eating. , his back was hurting all the time. Started sleeping all day and, um, like he was eating, all he would eat would be like a popsicle or a pickle.
Like I couldn't remember the last time he ate an actual meal. Um, and so we took him to one hospital, on the, what was it, the 26th?
Yeah, on the 26th, we took him, uh, no, okay, sorry, the 25th, we took him to one hospital, to get an MRI or request an MRI. That's what his chiropractor had suggested we do. And, so we took him to the hospital and they were like, oh, well, we can't just do MRIs. You have to make a doctor's appointment.
So the next day on the 26th, we make a doctor's appointment. And she instantly thinks that he has kidney stones. She takes a urine sample and found blood in his [00:14:00] urine. And wanted to get A C T scan scheduled. But they never called to schedule it. Why? I don't know. So later that night, his back pain had gotten much, much worse.
And so, um, I ate some dinner and then I took him to a different hospital. And um, finally they After sitting in the waiting room for four hours, they pull us back. And the first thing that they want to do is, um, you know, labs and a CT scan. And they did the CT scan and, uh, wasn't kidney stones. And he came back and said, I have some really, really bad news for y'all.
And we're like, Oh no, kidney stones. And he's like, no stage four cancer. And we were just like, both of our hearts just like stopped. Cause it was just like, excuse me. [00:15:00] My 29 year old healthy husband has stage 4 cancer, so he had, um, tumors in his liver, spine, and colon.
Emily Jones: Wow, I can't even imagine, you know, that time that you are watching him not eat, watching him lose weight, watching him just really suffer in pain, and then to have it build up in your mind, well, maybe it's this or that, and then hearing that from, you know, the doctor and from the health care team, it's just The amount of shock and, um, denial had to just be overwhelming, you know, in those moments.
Eryn Zamora: It definitely was. Like, you know, none of us were expecting that diagnosis. You know, kidney stones made sense, you know, they pop up in your late [00:16:00] 20s and it's pretty common. And it would make sense with everything he was experiencing. And so we were definitely not expecting stage four. Laughter.
Emily Jones: Yeah, And especially, you know, being that young and it's just very mind blowing.
So, uh, did they end up referring you like to a specialist and, um, you know, trying to, to get some. Follow up treatment or, or give you a timeline or what did that look like?
Eryn Zamora: So after we got the diagnosis, we got put on a transfer list. Um, they were trying to get us to, uh, Baylor, Scott and white in temple, which, um, it, you know, it's great cancer center.
Um, it's not like MD Anderson or anything like that. Um, but as far as locally, you know, it's one of the better hospitals to go to, And they it had been 2 days and we went from being in [00:17:00] 11th position to being in 9th position waiting for a bed in that hospital. Um, and so finally, they are like, well, um, there is a bed at this Seton hospital.
And we can get you transferred there today and we all really wanted to get him into, you know, Baylor, Scott and Mike. So it was a better hospital and they had like, a cancer wing and great oncologist and all of that. But hindsight's 2020 in these situations, and we decided to go ahead and take the available bed at this other hospital because, you know, we wanted to get him seen.
,
Eryn Zamora: when I take, like, a sample, a biopsy so we, we really wanted to get the biopsy done because 1st hospital couldn't do biopsies. So we needed to, you know. Figure out what it was and how bad and everything. So we got to the 2nd hospital [00:18:00] and. They wanted to do the biopsy, but they also wanted to, um, and put a, um, colostomy bag because he was backed up.
He was not having bowel movements. So he quickly after he got transferred in, they made a game plan. And like, the next day, uh, he went into surgery for the colostomy bag and to get the biopsy, when they were in there, they said that the, um, tumor in his colon was so big, they could Hardly get through to get the biopsy.
And I was like, okay, um, don't know what that means, but all right. So they did that everything was fine. So we thought, and then the, uh, that night, you know, he was doing better. He was feeling better. He wasn't in as much pain. And, he just plummeted really fast. Um, he started turning pale. His lips were white.
And he was just kind of like very out of it. [00:19:00] And I'm sitting there talking to the nurse and I'm just like, what's going on? Like, this isn't normal. And she's just like, well, it's just gas. It's just gas. And I was like, excuse me, gas? He is a ghost right now. And then, like, um, a few hours later, the surgical nurse practitioner came in and she's like, why weren't we called?
He's bleeding internally. So they had spent a few hours just, doing transfusions, pumping him full of blood and platelets, and it wasn't holding. So they rushed him into emergency surgery, um, to stop the internal bleeding. And they were able to. But I think that was kind of the where thing went downhill.
He had had internal bleeding throughout the rest of his short period at the hospital. So he, they stopped the internal bleeding. He started doing physical therapy and he was up and walking, [00:20:00] um, and then they wanted to get us transferred to another hospital. So he could, start chemo, basically, um, then at that time, they had basically just said that he had a colon cancer.
And so, um, it was very aggressive, very fast growing. Um, and they said, you know, if we can, if chemo and radiation work, you know, you could have up to, you know, 2 to 10 years. And so we were like, okay, that's good. It's right. So we get transferred to the third hospital and, um, the oncologist there really didn't understand why we were transferred there.
Um, because his hemoglobin levels and his platelet levels were so low because of internal bleeding that he wasn't really a good candidate and stable for chemo.
Emily Jones: So you've got all this, um, which I know cause my, my husband was in the hospital for, uh, [00:21:00] almost a couple of weeks and, uh, it's a very strange feeling when you want to be able to trust that they're in the safest place and everyone knows what they're doing, which practicing medicine is very tricky. I can't.
Begin to imagine what it takes to do that. Um, but I know it also can create a lot of confusion and a lot of ups and downs, and it's just this big emotional roller coaster that you had to have been going through and what sounds like a really short amount of time.
Eryn Zamora: It definitely was. It was a roller coaster.
You know, I think between the four hospitals that we were at, it was, we'd seen well over 20 doctors and, you know, he the oncologist at the, um, the third hospital, he was. He was informative and I think he was a lot more realistic about where we were at, and he was like, look, if you are 29 years old, this, this chemo, [00:22:00] if you really want to do it, we can take the, we can take the risk, but he was like, I'm going to be up front, you know, this chemo could kill you with your internal bleeding.
It could make you bleed out. And it was, uh, that was definitely rough to hear. But, you know, it was. Yeah, I mean, it looks like, you know, he's gonna die either way. So, you know, do you want to try? Or just trying to, go hospice and enjoy what remaining time you have. And, so basically they had, we, we, he decided he wanted to try the chemo.
And, um, so we just needed to get his platelets up to 20. And then if we could get his platelets up to 20, he could start the chemo. And then we just never got there. And, uh, his general doctor at that time was bumping heads with his father and they were having, you know, lots of issues [00:23:00] and, so basically they were just like, well, we were sitting in hospice, we're not going to do anything else and, he had, his father had been trying to get in touch with like MD Anderson to like see about getting him moved over there.
And this doctor, it had appeared that he was just blocking every move to get a second opinion, wasn't responding to other doctors phone calls, emails, requests for records, scans, any of that, and so he finally cycled out for his, um, days off. We got a new doctor that day, and she got us transferred that same day.
And, so we're at hospital number four, Baylor, Scott, white and temple finally got there. And, they were, looking at his, labs and everything and they weren't quite convinced that it was colon cancer. So they, they wanted to do their own biopsies, but, more than anything, they, just wanted to, uh.
Get him on an [00:24:00] abridged chemo. So it's like, it was basically reduced chemotherapy is what they called it. And they, you know, the internal bleeding had subsided, how we don't know, and just resolved itself. Um, and so we were on track to do the abridged chemo and see if we could just attack it because the cancer is growing so fast.
It had moved into his bone marrow and, this is all in like a month. on and, unfortunately the day that we were supposed to start the abridged chemo, they ran his labs and, his hemoglobin levels, you know, they dropped from 9 to 5, indicating a large internal bleed, which they did, a CT scan and that confirmed it and they were like, we're so sorry, 24, 48 hours.
And then three days later, he passed away on July 30th.
Emily Jones: Wow. What, just what a journey, what an emotional rollercoaster of a journey of, [00:25:00] Oh, we think things are getting better. Oh, there's hope. Oh, now we've taken a turn for the worse. Oh, it's looking good. Oh no. And that must have just created a ton of.
Uncertainty and trepidation and really doesn't give you much time to figure out, you know, should you prepare for a few months from now, a few years from now, a few days, or do you, just hope for the best that everything's going to work out? I can't even imagine that you could think clearly, during that time that had to be extremely stressful.
Eryn Zamora: It definitely was. You know, we were in the hospital for a month. Um, Aside from a couple of nights, I did not, I was there with him the whole time. Um, you know, I was not sleeping much, not really eating, not taking any mini breaks, cause I was just like, I need to be by his side and you know, his family was there, my family was there, you know, everyone was there [00:26:00] trying to help us.
And it, you know, I remember one of the first times when, you know, we got good news and I was just like, Oh my gosh, yay, we're gonna be okay. And then it was literally just like over and over and over. Of like, good news, bad news, good news, bad news, and it was just so mentally exhausting on top of being physically exhausted, you know, when you're sleeping, what little sleep you do get, you know, you're in a hospital chair and it's not super comfortable and, he would wake up randomly, you know, in pain or needing something.
He started sweating, having a sweating issue, two weeks in, and he would just be, he would wake up drenched in sweat, and, he couldn't get up. any at that point anymore. And so his father and I, you know, took turns, you know, wiping him off with a cloth, getting all the [00:27:00] sweat off of him, getting a new gown on him, replacing the sheets and the pillowcases and the blankets because he was just sweating through them.
They were drenched and it was just, it was very, very taxing mentally and physically.
Emily Jones: So what would you say to someone who's maybe listening because they're expecting to lose their spouse, but they're in the middle of that storm, like they're in the middle of the ups and downs and being the caretaker and being exhausted and not knowing what to do.
What advice would you give to someone in that situation? Or, or what words of encouragement would
Eryn Zamora: you give them? I would. Recommend, I know it's not an option for everybody, but, you know, if you can have, you know, another person where you trade shifts at a hospital, that way, everyone is getting sleep.
I know it's very hard to get sleep. You know, no one's getting any rest, but if you can close your eyes for a few [00:28:00] hours, at least have someone there that, you know, you can trust and we'll take shifts with you. And take the good days. You really got to appreciate the good days. Even if you know what's coming, those good days really make a difference.
Because when you're at a hospital for, you know, weeks on end and it's all doom and gloom and sad all the time, you just, not only does it, is it harder on them, but it's going to be harder on you as well. So you got to try and find the little things, the little moments and really appreciate those while you can.
Emily Jones: Yeah, that's hard and, it has to wear you down over time. I know even I think Nathan was in ICU 11 days, and even that just, that doesn't compare, but that was just Emotionally exhausting, as you said, just this constant and we think things are better. Oh, now we're worse. Like, how, how is this possible?
That's happening. How is it possible that different people are [00:29:00] telling me these wildly different stories about what's going on and what's happening and what will happen? Um, so I know, especially when someone's in the hospital for extended amount of time, that really can wear you down. And so, like you said, getting rest and having people who will step in and help and accepting the help.
A lot of people struggle with that too, I think is really important.
Eryn Zamora: Definitely. Um, accepting the help, having a support system. I appreciate like the little things like we had one really great day, at the hospital and, we weren't sure if we were going to be getting out of there. So he finally was like, Hey, um, you want to get married?
And I was like, definitely. So we have a little ceremony in the, in the courtyard with the minister. And, you know, it was just, it made. Everything better for him, like, he was just glowing, he was so happy, you know, we weren't sure where we were gonna end [00:30:00] up, or how things were gonna end up, but that day, you know, we were playing Jenga, and he was laughing, and, you know, just having fun, smiling with me, and with our friends and family, and it was just like, I'm glad we did that, cause it, it's sad,
Emily Jones: it made it better.
Yeah, and those memories, you know, at the end of the day, regardless of all this stuff we have in our lives, those memories are everything. Uh, so I love that, that you guys did that and, we're able to try to enjoy some of those good times along the way for sure.
Eryn Zamora: Oh, I definitely am too. It was The best day, uh, the best day of my life, definitely.
Emily Jones: Awesome. Well, Erin, thank you so much for coming on the show and just being so open about your story and you know, what, what the two of you went through. Do you have any final words of encouragement or advice that you would want to leave people with?
Eryn Zamora: I [00:31:00] probably would just say, when the first Few weeks of this are always really hard, but those aren't the worst days. You know, there's going to be a lot more days like that in the future. Um, so just focus on what you need to do to get through them and anything else is irrelevant. You know, if you and your kids or anything else is taken care of, like, just focus on getting through from this hour to the next hour, this day to the next day.
And eventually we find a new level of living again.
Emily Jones: You do,
and it'll continue to improve as you move forward. And I know, especially for people that are listening that are still really early on and maybe even for you too, it's hard to imagine at times being able to laugh again or to find joy or like, what is the point, you know, of trying to create.
Continued future for yourself, but it is [00:32:00] possible to embrace joy again. And, um, that's part of why we want to do this show to, to help give others encouragement when they just feel like, you know, everything is hopeless. So thank you again for coming on and being willing to share your story.
Eryn Zamora: Yeah, of course.
Thank you for having me. I think it's very, it's amazing how many, um, resources are, I've, I've come across out there for new widows, young widows, older widows. It's, it's, uh, it makes me very happy to, to know that we're not in this alone.
Emily Jones: Yeah. Yeah, that was definitely a. Uh, game changer for me was, uh, not feeling like I was so different from everyone else being that young widow.
Eryn Zamora: Yeah. I mean, you know, most people, when you think of the term widow, um, you know, you're thinking elderly, like your grandparents, you know, they just, it just happens. And, it's their time and they just pass away. You never think that like, man, I'm [00:33:00] 28 years old and I am a widow. Oh no, I don't like that.
I do not like that at all.
Emily Jones: Yeah, I, I hated that. And I can still remember writing the lawnmower, thinking about how much I hated that and how much I was like, no, widows are old and weak and sad. And that is not me, but we learn more about how resilient and generous and caring and understanding widows are.
And now I'm proud to be amongst that group of people because they're an incredible community of people for sure.
Eryn Zamora: No, I definitely agree. I, I know I would be lost without the multiple podcasts and widow groups that I have found on Facebook and Reddit. Yeah, definitely.
Emily Jones: Hey guys, before you go, I would love to help this show grow to help get out these stories to inspire and encourage other widows that are out there and [00:34:00] you can make the biggest difference. You can, if you're watching this on YouTube, please subscribe, comment, or share this video.
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Emily Jones: Hey guys. Thank you so much for listening to the Brave Widow Podcast. I would love to help you take your next step, whether that's healing your heart, finding hope, or achieving your dreams for the future.
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Inside you'll find courses to help guide you, a community of other widows to connect with, live coaching and q and a calls, and small group coaching where you can work on what matters most to you. Learn how to heal your heart, find hope, reclaim joy, and dream again for the future. It is possible. Head on over to brave widow.com to learn more.
