Angela Grief is a Jerk
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[00:00:00] Emily: Welcome to the Brave Widow Show, where we help widows find hope, heal their heart, and dream again for the future. I'm your host, Emily Tanner. After losing my husband of 20 years, I didn't know how I could ever experience true joy and excitement again for the future. I eventually learned how to create a life I love, and I've made it my mission to help other widows do the same.
[00:00:26] Join me and the Brave Widow membership community and get started today. Learn more at BraveWidow. com
Welcome to The Brave Widow Show: Episode 97
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[00:00:35] Emily: Hey, hey, and welcome to episode number 97 of the brave widow show. Today, I talk with Angela, who's a standup comedian about her journey through grief and the advice that she has for widows who are trying to transition from being overwhelmed by sadness and sorrow to a life that they can start to enjoy and love again.
[00:01:00] Now, Angela's conversation has a special place in my heart because Nathan was a true real life comedian. He loved making people laugh. He wanted to do stand up comedy. He was part of an improv group. And he loved shows like Saturday Night Live, and things that were just full of outrageous comedy.
[00:01:22] And were written in a really intelligent way. So it's exciting for me to hear about Angela's journey, to see all of the amazing things that she's accomplishing to honor herself and who she was before loss. And to honor her partner and the love that they had together. It's really incredible. Some of the things that she's doing and the resilience and persistence that she has in just taking that next step over and over again.
[00:01:52] Before I introduce Angela, I just want to remind you wherever you listen to this podcast, or if you're watching on YouTube to hit subscribe by subscribing by following by entering comments or leaving a review, you help take this show to the next level. You help get the word of the brave widow show out there for other people that come to the show.
[00:02:15] That need hope that need encouragement, that need inspiration to be able to create a life that they love again, or to be able to take that next step.
[00:02:25] So, Hit subscribe hit follow Leave a review leave a comment Even if it's not five stars leave a review that helps us get out there in the widow community And I would love to be able to help impact other widows.
Introducing Angela: Comedy, Grief, and Healing
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[00:02:40] Emily: Okay, let me introduce Angela, Angela is an eight year standup comedian who tours through the Northeast.
[00:02:48] She is the creator and host of the dark comedy show. Grief is a jerk, which gives performers a safe space to share their grief story. As a bereaved partner of four years, Angela advocates for mental health, grief awareness, and healing after a loss. All right, let's dive in.
[00:03:06] Angela, welcome and thank you for coming on the podcast.
[00:03:10] Angela: Oh, thank you so much for having me. I'm so happy to be here with you, Emily, to share the grief stage with you for a few minutes or hour, however long this takes.
[00:03:20] Emily: Definitely. , I know our audience would love to know more about you and your background and even part of your story. So if you don't mind, if you would share that, I know they'd love to hear it.
[00:03:32] Angela: All right.
Angela's Journey Through Grief and Loss
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[00:03:33] Angela: So I don't know really where to start, but since it's a podcast for widows, I guess I'll start there is, um, my name's Angela.
[00:03:41] And I am a bereaved partner of four years. I lost my life partner, um, when he unfortunately took his life back in 2020. So, um, I just passed his four year anniversary this month, actually. So, um, with that was, obviously a shocking and a severe grief experience that I don't, I don't wish that on anybody.
[00:04:04] Um, And I went through a lot of different stages. Like, I never really grieved before as you're trying to learn like the seven stages of grief, which in my opinion, I think are trash. Yeah, I don't recommend that. I think it's just a outdated textbook, Western way of grieving. Because when I started looking at other cultures, even other religions, how people grieve, there are different methods, how people grieve.
[00:04:29] Some people take a whole entire year to honor the loss of that loved one. And like here, in the United States, it's more like, Oh, that person dies. You have the funeral, move on with your life, whatever. So, um, I struggled the first eight months of my loss. I could not function. I can't even imagine doing what I'm doing now.
[00:04:50] So anybody who's listening to this, I know people say it, it does get better. I just don't know when. But the first year is going to absolutely suck. That I can guarantee. And I have told this to other grievers, and they're just like, what? It takes that long? I'm like, yes, because anybody who's grieved, you don't realize that you have to go through an entire year for it.
[00:05:15] Holidays, birthdays, season changes, milestones without your person and you have to start from square one and relearn everything. But before you do that, you have to go through those hard feelings. It took me eight months to do that. Going through the hard feelings of the sadness, the anger, the depression, the what the heck am I going to do?
[00:05:39] Why am I even still here? Sort of thing. Um, just it's, it's hard.
Finding a New Normal and Rediscovering Comedy
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[00:05:45] Angela: That's like what my loss was in a nutshell, um, after the eight month mark was when I started feeling that I want a sense of normalcy to happen again. And people don't talk about, you know, An important part of grieving is finding a new normal.
[00:06:01] And I actually just did a series on TikTok about this. So follow my TikTok at Crafting Comedy Cart. I'm on Instagram as well. The videos are there. And I walked through the stages of how I had to find a new normal and the different things that I needed to do. Anything from making new friends, reconnecting with friends that you already had, finding new experiences, and even learning to laugh again.
[00:06:22] All things that we take for granted, but you have to learn how to do again after losing your loved one. So, um, but, uh, that's my grief story in a nutshell.
[00:06:32] Emily: . Well, I think you make some really great points that the grief timeline is different for everyone.
[00:06:39] And we know when people typically talk about the stages of grief, they're talking about the five stages, which really wasn't even designed for widows. And so that doesn't really resonate. Everybody's timeline is different. And that's also frustrating because we want answers that we want to know where we are.
[00:06:57] And are we doing this the right way? , and you are rebuilding this new life, this new normal, you're figuring out who you are because you feel so different than the person you were before. And now that you are four years out, can you, how does it feel to look back and see who you are and how you feel?
[00:07:20] And, and how you process today versus even before you lost your partner.
[00:07:26] Angela: I never really thought, this is going to sound cold, I never thought about processing grief before I lost him. I just assumed it was something I wasn't going to experience until I was a lot older. Because anybody who's widowed or bereaved, a bereaved partner young, it's so hard.
[00:07:43] Because it's the unnatural course of life. And that's something that I had to realize. Like I went through a loss like this before my parents did. I was not supposed to experience something like this till I was like in my eighties is what you thought. So you're like, it's one of those things like, Oh yeah, it's something that everybody has to deal with, but I'll put it off towards another day.
[00:08:00] And up until then, I had lost, like, you know, elderly family members or grandparents, and it's like, while it was sad, it was still like, they lived a good life, and they were ready, and you were able to honor them, like, there's the sadness, but there's also, like, it was their time. When it's something so tragic, you have to process it yourself, and there's a lot of whiny Why did this happen to me?
[00:08:23] Or in my situation, how my partner passed? Why did they do this? And you have to go through those feelings. Um, so like I said, it was an incredibly tough eight months and to anybody who's in those early stages, I could not get off my floor. Yes, you heard me correctly. I could not get off my floor. I wouldn't even make it to my bed.
[00:08:43] Because I remember just laying in the floor of my hallway. I had this tiny apartment and there was my bedroom and there was this like hallway that led to the bathroom and then it led to the living room. And I would just lay in the hallway because I'm like, if I need something in the kitchen, I can go there.
[00:08:58] And if I need to go to the bathroom, it's like at ease. And I'm just laying there and I was like, how can somebody physically feel so much pain? But not feel physical pain. I cried for 72 hours straight to the point where my body couldn't produce tears anymore. I didn't know that was physically possible.
[00:09:19] But you ever have your eyes feel like raisins? That's what it felt like. And so this is where I get a little bit humorous and crass about, like, the grief journey. Because It brings us down to a human level. It's embarrassing. It also kind of humiliates you a little bit, like you're going to be at your worst.
[00:09:38] Like, I had a stress response. I broke out in hives and I'm having to talk to his family and extended friends and other people and they're seeing me at my worst state. So, grief is going to humble you. It really is. And I thought I was never going to be normal again. I thought I wasn't going to enjoy anything again and, like, I'm a stand up comedian.
[00:09:58] I thought I was never going to do that again. I thought I was never going to even go out of the house to hang out with friends. I'm just like, I'm just too sad all the time. How could I even, you know, find anything? But I'll get to like where my shift changed in a moment, but four years out, I just want to run through some things that I've accomplished just so, because we're going to get there in a second.
[00:10:18] Um, I did start stand up again. I produced some shows online. I started a number of fundraisers for suicide prevention, um, which were very successful. I also went on tour in 2021. I did a small comedy tour. Um, and I started producing my own show as a dark comedy show all about grief. And I just look back on the things that I knew needed to be accomplished because while I was grieving, I cannot tell you how many stupid TED Talks I listened to, how many YouTube influencers I looked at talking about grief, how many self help books I read, okay?
[00:11:01] And they were all written in, like, 1970, and had those, like, technicolor covers with, like, the white font, like, How to Move On, or How to Grieve, and it's, like, they had these, like, you know, goofy little New York Times cartoons in them. And I'm like, none of this is helping. And the way that we grieve as a nation is so incredibly outdated and nothing ever helped.
[00:11:28] And nobody talked about the raw emotions that you had to feel. And I was like, I just felt so invalidated. And I finally did some more research online.
The Power of Support Groups in Healing
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[00:11:39] Angela: And I found a support group, like an online support group through Zoom, that dealt specifically for people who had lost a loved one to the way my partner unalived himself.
[00:11:49] So it was a group full of people. And I will never forget that first session I ever had. I was so nervous. I didn't even want to talk. I'm like, I'm just going to show up to the Zoom meeting and I'm going to see what other people say. My counselor who ran it, he was fantastic. I'm so thankful to him this, to him to this day.
[00:12:11] And I just remember, uh, people were talking about different scenarios where they said, He said, I want each of you to tell me when was the time that grief hit you unexpectedly. And a light bulb went off. I thought I was the only person that happened to because we all know, we both know. It's just gonna, something's gonna trigger you that you're not even aware of and it's gonna hit you.
[00:12:28] So I remember, um, Yeah. I raised my hand and I said, Oh, I'll tell you, I couldn't even get through the grocery store the other day without absolutely falling apart. And he stopped and said, All right, anybody else here have that same suit? Who else went through a grocery store and couldn't get through it?
[00:12:46] And everybody's hand went up. And I was like, Wow, everybody felt this way at some point. So I was like, I don't feel so alone. And this is something that everybody has gone through, because you see food as such a bonding thing, and it could be something as simple as seeing whatever their favorite snack was, or something else that they liked right at the entrance, and it just makes you fall apart.
[00:13:08] For me, he really loved those Arizona. Arnold Palmer's like, you know, that are in the big can and I walked right in the grocery store and there's this huge, it was spring, so there's this huge display of them and I absolutely, I'm like, I have to leave or else I am going to fall apart. I never thought Arizona iced teas were going to make me fall apart, but that day they did.
[00:13:26] So, yeah. First step in my healing journey, finding that group and that support is what really, really helped. So, um, that's where I would recommend people starting out. And that's something that really worked for me. Um, I know it's hard for people to physically get out and find a group, but there are a number of support groups online that I really found Helpful.
[00:13:48] And one thing that I would recommend for anybody who went through the similar loss that I did is lost community services. It's a national organization. Each community has one and they primarily have it based on your County. You can go to their website. It's lost community services. org. I believe it is.
[00:14:03] And, um, Search by your county and you'll be able to find virtual meetings. They might have some in person meetings because sometimes meeting with counselors locally are really helpful. You can also be paired with a mentor who's gone through it. Uh, they have on state volunteer help. Amazing, amazing, wonderful organizations.
[00:14:20] I've done self role, um, uh, fundraisers for. So yeah, just, just kind of like that's between where I was back then versus now where I am today. Never thought I'd be able to even talk about it during podcasts. So.
[00:14:33] Emily: Yeah. And it's, it's always amazing to me to think back to when I was that person in those first six months, that first year of, I don't even know how it's possible.
[00:14:44] I can laugh again. Like, I just felt so apathetic to everything and to think, Oh, I'm going to go work again as a standup comedian. You know, like that's the most would be one of the hardest jobs to do and to feel like you could deliver it well when you're Struggling and and going through a lot of these emotions, feeling like you're going crazy at times.
[00:15:08] Um, at least, you know, that's how I felt. And I think you made such a great point about the importance of finding a supportive group and a community that you can be part of. One, so you feel like you're not going crazy, that you know what you're feeling. What's happening to you is normal, but to at some point, you can start to help the person that's behind you.
[00:15:30] You can start to help and inspire other people too. And it sounds like, um, you've done a lot with, with that and being engaged with that group and, and these other groups too.
[00:15:42] Angela: Yeah, absolutely. So.
[00:15:45] Emily: Yeah.
Reentering the World of Comedy and Honoring Love
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[00:15:45] Emily: So tell us, you know, you, you were at that eight month mark. You wanted to start making a transition. Um, you started attending groups and starting to realize like, okay, other people are going through this.
[00:15:58] Was there anything else that you found helpful as you were trying to figure out what you wanted your future to look like?
[00:16:07] Angela: So one thing that it was, as I should probably specify this, so my life partner who I lost, he was a standup comedian as well. I've been doing standup for about two years when I met him and he was one of those people we met and made eye contact.
[00:16:20] It was just instant connection. I've never had this with somebody else ever. Um, and it's like, I don't know why, but this person's supposed to be an important part of my life. It's just like, you know, you meet them and you're like, well, so, um, so we just clicked instantly and we started hanging out a lot.
[00:16:39] We started working on projects together, sharing ideas, producing shows, and we just knew we just knew we wanted to be together. We just knew we were each other's person. And along that time being together, we had come up with all these ideas for shows and podcasts and our tour we were going to do. And also, um, uh, yeah, just lifelong plans.
[00:17:03] And one of the things he talked about was we always wanted to open our own place together at some point, like a comedy club or some type of entertainment venue. And we wanted to have a real emphasis on Educating youth and whatever area we worked on and emphasizing because he had gone through a tragic loss of a parent when he was a teenager and never really got the grief support he needed.
[00:17:26] So 1 thing we always wanted to focus on was grief support and channeling humor through it, you know, for these kids, because there are so many kids that go through it and there aren't a lot of whole helpful resources and it's just a tough topic for them. So a lot of kids would prefer to ignore it instead of like going through it.
[00:17:44] So, um. So yeah, that was definitely like a big thing that we talked about. So. At that eight month mark was when I had learned to laugh again, and I realized I really want to perform comedy again. I want to laugh again. I want to make other people laugh and maybe, you know, start this up again. Because I used to sob.
[00:18:06] I'm like, I'm never doing stand up again. I'm never going to do this. I don't want to. And um, I guess the problem I faced was getting that courage to do it again. It was COVID. Everything was locked down. I had to do everything, doing, doing, ugh. I'm talking too fast. Lockdown, had to do everything virtually, and it was Christmas Day of 2020, and I saw an ad for a comedy open mic on Zoom, so I said, what the heck, I'll do it, if I bomb, I'll just never show up again, and these people won't remember me, cause it's some random mic on the internet, where, who knows where these people are streaming from.
[00:18:43] But I went on, did a solid five, absolutely crushed it after eight months, and I was like, I got my group back, that felt good. And I wanted to keep doing it, so I looked for more mics, joined some groups on Facebook, some support groups, and just did as many performances as I could until I eventually started producing my own shows and headlining again.
[00:19:02] And I was like, I'm doing this in his honor, and I'm doing this because I knew he wanted me to, but ultimately at the end of it, I realized, I was really doing this for me, because it proved to myself that this was something I always did, and I loved it, but I had to learn to love it again, and I had to teach myself to do it without him being my support system.
[00:19:20] It was awful at first, but I could still do it, because I had that drive that I wanted to do it, and eventually, like, now I do share his story as part of my comedy, but, yeah. It was an awesome feeling. There were a lot of hard moments. There were a lot of times, like, I still cry after shows sometimes because, like, oh, it sucks.
[00:19:39] Like, I really wish I could just share this with him. But at the same time, it's, like, really rewarding because I know he would have wanted me to do it, and the one thing I know he would have wanted is he wouldn't want me to be sitting around being sad. And whenever I have a sad moment, I look back at our Word documents and Excel spreadsheets and our journal we had together and look at those plans and realize this is what we planned together.
[00:20:04] And I'm still here and I can still fulfill it because these are good ideas and things that the world needs right now.
[00:20:11] Emily: Yeah, that's so awesome. Like that. I can't even imagine being in that situation where, you know, you and your partner are essentially working the same job. You have all these dreams together.
[00:20:23] And so for you to reenter that you're getting triggered left and right with those.
[00:20:30] Angela: Believe me, I was, I was calling friends right and left and I was just like, I don't know if I can do this. And even when I went on tour, I was just like, I just want to cancel it all. I can't do it. And I had a great friend.
[00:20:40] She was a mutual friend of both of ours and like old enough to be our moms. And she's like, don't you dare. You've made these commitments. You booked these shows. You have people coming out of state. You cannot bail on them. And I didn't, but like the night before, I'm like, I can't do it. It's just like how people, they get cold feet before a wedding.
[00:20:55] I'm like, I can't do this. I'm going to look stupid. I'm going to cry on stage.
[00:21:02] Emily: There might've been some shows you did cry, but I'm sure you, you kept moving forward. That's, that's all we can do at that point.
[00:21:09] Angela: My very last show, I got choked up towards the last five minutes because what I did on that entire stretch was I did my set, but the last five minutes I dedicated to talking about my late partner and how much he meant to me and gave like a little bit of a message to the audience for anybody who was grieving.
[00:21:27] And my final show, I made it through all these shows, but the final show I did, I got choked up towards the end, but everybody was so supportive. And it was also like, yeah. Try driving all over the place and exhaustion. And I finally, finally did it. And I was like, Oh, thank goodness. It was rewarding. But at the same time, you're like, after a big thing like that, I really go, thank goodness it's over.
[00:21:47] I can breathe for a little bit.
[00:21:49] Emily: Yeah. What a beautiful way to honor him. Exactly. Yeah. So I love it.
Advice for Navigating Grief and Embracing a New Normal
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[00:21:56] Emily: So what would you say to people who You know, they're starting to reenter in their new normal and they're having lots of ups and downs. And it's, you know, one day they're like, Oh yeah, this is amazing. I can do it.
[00:22:10] And the next day it's like, Oh, I made a terrible decision. So what, what helped you just want to keep going and to not give up? Was it the encouragement of your friend? Like what was the biggest help for you?
[00:22:25] Angela: Learning a new normal is the most painful thing I've ever done. And what I have always told people is a day is too big of a task.
[00:22:34] Break it down by hour. You want to take it one hour at a time. And just be like, this hour I'm focusing on work, and this hour I'm doing something else, whether it's a task like, Really want to clean my kitchen or this hour I'm going to go grocery shopping. You take it one hour at a time because if you put too much in a day, like today, like I've heard people say today, I'm not going to think about grief.
[00:22:58] It's not going to happen. Your brain has other plans, but for sure. So I say to all my grieving friends, take one hour at a time because that's all you can handle. And it sounds crazy, but it seems less daunting. And you're like, I'm having a tough hour. I'll just see how I feel later. Or like, if you're doing a task and you're like, you know, I need to sit down a little bit, maybe just feel my feelings that showed up, but try to do one nice thing for yourself a day, just one nice thing, it could be something as simple as.
[00:23:34] I'm going to go take a walk over my lunch break or, you know, I'm going to go get an iced tea. I'll make that favorite dinner that I want to just because I feel like it. Maybe you'll call an old friend, invite a friend to like go, go out and get a coffee with you or go window shopping, something, something small, because that's something that's going to get you through the day.
[00:23:54] Breaking it down by hour is going to be a lot easier than breaking it down by the whole day. And another thing I want to spin off on that is The best advice I can give somebody, especially when you're trying to reach a new normal, is it's okay to realize you don't want to be sad all the time. And you don't have to be, because when I was at like, I would say the three, five month mark, I didn't want to consume my life full time, and I'm still working full time.
[00:24:20] I worked from home, but I was able to like, just shut it off for eight hours, and I was like a zombie. I'd wake up, feel awful, long into work for eight hours, and I'd go and lay on my couch and put a show on, and just kind of like, exist. Schedule your grief, whether it's an hour, a 2 hours, a half hour, however long you'd want, and don't have anything else planned during that time and feel whatever you need to feel during that time and it's your safe space.
[00:24:47] Schedule it. It could be daily. It could be once a week. It could be once a month. I still have a monthly schedule. Four years out, I have a monthly schedule that if I need to feel those feelings, I'm going to do it then. And you know what? It's totally okay. And if you're having an off day, it's fine. You don't have to schedule it, but if you want to stop feeling sad, that's a good thing to do.
[00:25:10] And that way you can set a timer. You feel your feelings. When the timer's up, you're like, okay, I feel that anymore. I feel a lot better. So that was a big piece for me as well.
[00:25:21] Emily: Oh, I love that so much. That's really great advice. And something I share too, which is to, even if it's 15 minutes, the sad music, get out the pictures, like just really be in it for that time.
[00:25:35] And then like, what I would say is Nathan, I love you. I can't live like this anymore. You know, I can't live like this all the time and I'm moving forward. So. Um, that's awesome.
Angela's Upcoming Projects and How to Connect
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[00:25:48] Emily: So share with the audience some of your exciting news and things that you have going on in your career and how people can find you and learn more about you.
[00:25:59] Okay, so.
[00:26:01] Angela: My biggest accomplishment yet is, ever since I went through the whole grieving phase, after a year and after I had my fundraising shows, I remember I always wanted to have a comedy show all about grief. It's dark humor, you're allowed to get as dark as you want, share your story, a safe place for comedians, poets, musicians, storytellers, any type of performer.
[00:26:24] I went to a couple of people with the idea when I thought of it and they're like, nobody's gonna want to go to a sad show. Why would you ever think about that? Who is willing to listen to it? But I Two of my comedy friends out in California who I adore to this day and they really, really help me get on the map as a comedian.
[00:26:40] Uh, they run a group called Hypothetical Comedy out in the, um, Bay Area. And, um, I'm so, so thankful to them. And I reached out to them and I was like, okay, here's my idea. I really want to do it. Would you help me produce a zoom show? And they're like, yep, we're right on it. Just like that. So the name of the show is called grief is a jerk.
[00:27:03] And I think anybody who hears the title will laugh at it. And people are like, why did, why you name it that? Why out of everything did you name it that? I'm like, because it's actually something I said. Because I had a day where I was just having every type of grief feeling. I was sad. I was angry. I was having digestive issues.
[00:27:19] I couldn't eat. I was having like the body aches and chills and everything. And I just felt awful. I was on the phone with a friend. Complaining about my feelings, I'm like, you know what? Grief is a jerk. I screamed that phrase. And my friend just nodded. I could hear her nodding. We all know that feeling.
[00:27:37] And she just goes, yeah. Yeah, it really is. And I remember saying that when I was creating the show, I'm like, that's the title right there. I didn't want it to be like, you know, how people have these like, poetic names for it. I'm like, no. I wanted to have some harsh, crass meaning. So, that's where it came to.
[00:27:55] Um, now I did three shows on zoom, all very successful. I booked comedians from all over some major headliners who had gone through it and wanted to share their story. Um, people you've seen on like dry bar and Amazon prime and like names. And then when I looked them up afterwards, I'm like, Hey, research people.
[00:28:16] More before I book them because they're doing my goofy little show and they're like pros Like I still don't consider myself pro level yet at year eight But after I ended the zoom shows, which I did three of because I had to focus on my full time job at the time I was like, you know, this needs to go on stage and I have had so many Rejections for this show.
[00:28:40] It took me a year and a half and I just got a venue that said they will do it I'm gonna pro it a little bit right now You So, it's at an awesome venue called QED in Queens, New York, which Queens is a beautiful area if anybody's ever been there, right outside of New York City. And, um, small little venue that just caters to all sorts of artists.
[00:29:01] They do a number of comedy shows, storytelling shows, uh, they let local artists present their work. They're a great venue. I pitched the idea to them. And they were like, yeah, this goes into guidelines with what we have. We would love to have you. And they're letting me do a show there and we're going to see how it goes.
[00:29:18] So it's May 25th. It's a Saturday. So the day before Memorial day weekend at 3 PM. So, um, if you go to QEDA Storia. com, you will be able to find tickets if you're in the area. Um, I can also message you this information after the show. So you could link it in the bio. But May 25th of 2024, you want to be there.
[00:29:38] I have an excellent, excellent lineup. Everybody who's gone through grief, we will be talking about our experiences, our losses, um, how we handled it. There will be some dark humor and it's of your discretion advised, but it's an amazing group of comedians I have worked with. I am so happy to have all of them.
[00:29:56] I have another podcaster on there. I have another widow on there. Just. I'm a storyteller. It's gonna be a great, great time and hopefully incredibly healing for everybody. You're allowed to laugh at all of our dark jokes, but This is such a big project for me because I've been trying to do this for so long, and the fact that it's on stage finally, I was like, yeah, this is finally becoming a thing.
[00:30:18] And if it goes well, at this New York City show, I might be able to take it on the road. So, we're seeing, that's a big aspiration, but we will see how this goes, and I'm so excited! So that's the big news right there.
[00:30:30] Emily: Oh, I'm so excited for you. And I'm so impressed by your persistence in just never giving up, never giving up, just hoping for that break to be able to see this thing come to life.
[00:30:44] And I just think that's so inspirational for the widows that are out there who are trying to become authors. They're trying to start a business. They're trying to. Be a freelancer, whatever it is, so many of them take on these new big challenges they never expected. And it's incredibly inspirational to hear from you, like, just keep going and you, you may find your break too.
[00:31:09] So thank you for sharing that.
[00:31:11] Angela: The biggest piece of advice I can give to anybody who's trying to make it. is you are going to be supported by so many people you don't know. There are people out there who are watching your story, if you're sharing it, your journey of whatever project you're working on, and you are going to have so many supporters that you are not aware of.
[00:31:29] I know it may not help now, but when I announced grief as a jerk on stage, like when I posted a flyer with the ticket link, I had so many people flooding my inbox, just telling me, I've been following you for the past few years, or, um, I was on this podcast called Where's the Grief? Um, I don't know if you've ever heard of Jordan Ferber.
[00:31:49] Jordan is on my show. He's incredible. And he had me on his show, and I had people messaging me like, I heard you on this podcast two years ago, I've been following you, I've been rooting for you ever since, and telling me things they learned from my episode, and I had no idea I had an impact on people. But, um, and, um, It can feel like people are beating you down and they're like, Why would you share that?
[00:32:12] That's so personal. Why would you talk about your grief story? No one wants to hear it. It's because people do need to hear it. And it's the people like that that make us not want to share it. And the people that say that it's because they're uncomfortable. They would rather not talk about it. They want to be around you, who you were before your loss.
[00:32:28] Well, unfortunately, when we go through a loss like this, we're never going to be the same person. So, own it. Share your story because you will help someone. And it reminds me of a quote that came from Keith Ledger, where he once said, Your biggest fan is a stranger and your biggest hater is someone you know.
[00:32:47] And even though we're grieving and getting better, sometimes people don't like us to see better, and they don't like to see us thriving, when you would think that your people that are close to you would be supportive, and sometimes they aren't, so. Oh man. So yeah, that's my advice for you. I was overwhelmed by the amount of support and the amount of strangers who reached out to me and told me that they had followed my story, seen my shows, heard me on podcasts, um, seen my TikToks, yeah.
[00:33:14] It's amazing.
[00:33:16] Emily: It is. And it's amazing. People who will say, I felt like I know you,, I've been listening to you. I've been following you. I would lay in bed at night and just listen to you talk about this grief stuff. And you're like, wow, I had no idea, you know? So that is an amazing feeling. And that quote you shared is absolutely true.
[00:33:36] I think it's a, it's terrible, but as widows, especially, we don't often feel like we get the support and understanding we would want from the people that are closest to us and sometimes it's the opposite. Sometimes the people closest to us are the most judgmental, harsh, skeptical people. Um, but I hate to say that's normal, but it's not uncommon.
[00:34:02] So thank you for sharing that Angela and congratulations on your show and on your upcoming, um, stage performance. And we will wish you the very best. Right,
[00:34:13] Angela: and I didn't answer it earlier, but for anybody who wants to follow me, it's at Crafting Comedy Cart on Instagram and TikTok. There is a Facebook page.
[00:34:23] I just haven't posted on it in a couple of years, but Instagram and TikTok are the best ways to follow me. That's where I keep all my updates, post all my shows. Um, also, if you don't want to come to the grief show, I'm always posting about where I'm performing because I, I live in upstate New York, but I travel throughout like the new England Northeast area, so, and I might be bringing some shows to Canada as well this year, if we have any Canadian listeners, so you definitely want to follow me and keep an eye out and I'd be Feel free to send me a DM anytime if you're struggling, I love helping people and directing you to proper resources that if there's, I usually can, and I connect to people too, like, like I may not be the expert on this type of loss, but I know someone who is, and I would love to connect you and I have connected some great friendships to that, so.
[00:35:06] Emily: Yes. Awesome. And for anyone who's listening, driving, mowing the lawn, doing whatever, we'll definitely share all of Angela's links in the show notes so you can go back and find out exactly where she's at.
[00:35:19] Angela: All right. Well, thank you so much, Emily. I loved talking to you.
[00:35:24] Emily: Thank you. I appreciate everything that you had to share and I am so excited to see you grow.
[00:35:30] And I can't wait for you to say, I've got that Netflix special. Now I've got this Amazon. Prime special because success for you is inevitable.
[00:35:39] Oh, well, thank you. That means so much. I we'll, we'll see. It takes quite a long time to get to that point, but you never know.
[00:35:47] Absolutely.
The Importance of Community Support in Widowhood
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[00:35:49] Emily: All right, guys, I hope that you enjoyed what Angela had to share today, and I hope that you noticed that one of the things she pointed out as her keys to success and her transition from wanting to be able to be happy again, wanting to be able to find joy again, was by finding a supportive group that understood her, that Had gone through some of the same things that she had gone through and that helped normalize the grief process.
[00:36:18] So if you're not ready for one on one coaching today, You're not in a place where you're ready to take that next step. I invite you to join me in the brave widow membership community. The brave widow community is an online membership group made of other widows who do Get your journey. Widows come to me in all different kinds of stages.
[00:36:39] Some may be in a stage of feeling devastated by grief and being like Angela, not being able to get up off the floor, not being able to even think that there's hope and there's anything good that can happen in their future. Widows also come when they're starting to transition, and they're starting to figure out, Okay, maybe, yeah, I do want a life post loss.
[00:37:03] I don't want to live the rest of my life drowning in sorrow and having this sadness take over me, but I don't know what to do next. I need to explore this, but I don't even know where to start. And I have other widows that They're taking those baby steps, they're stumbling a little bit, but they're starting to rebuild that next part of their life and they just want guidance and accountability and making sure that they continue to do that.
[00:37:29] So regardless of where you are in your grief journey and in your phases and stages of widowhood, you belong. In the brave widow membership community, and we will help you identify your next step and actually take it so that you can start to move forward in grief to learn more or to join the community, go to brave widow.
[00:37:52] com slash join J O I N brave widow. com slash join.
[00:37:57] Are you a widow who feels disconnected? Do you feel like you're stuck or even going backwards in your grief? Widowhood can be lonely and isolating, but it doesn't have to be. Join us in the Brave Widow membership community and connect. We teach widows how to find hope, heal their heart, and dream again for the future.
[00:38:19] Find your purpose and create a life you love today. Go to bravewidow. com to get started.
