Jess Diirner
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Introduction to Episode 107
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[00:00:00] Emily: Hey, and welcome back to episode number 107 of the Brave Widow show.
Back to School Bash for Widows
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[00:00:05] Emily: We are about ready to kick off the back to school bash for widows
and this is going to be a week long of live events where I answer some of the toughest questions and challenges where I share some of my best tips and tricks and strategies for moving forward. And where you can fully immerse yourself in the Brave Widow community as part of the public, as part of people that maybe haven't joined the Brave Widow community yet.
And we are going to start it off Monday, August 19th, from 10 a. m. to 12 p. m. Central Time with a full on webinar and workshop for how to determine your next steps in moving forward through grief.
Stages of Widowhood
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[00:00:52] Emily: I've worked very diligently to create the initial draft of the stages of widowhood. And you guys have heard about the stages of grief, I'm working on the stages of widowhood, and , I know that will evolve and that will continue to improve.
I am ready to reveal what I have so far and allow you to see where you are in the stages of widowhood. Allow you to see some of this stuff. Sneaky little grief things that may be holding you back, that may be sabotaging your ability to heal, that may be getting in the way of you moving forward and causing you to just feel stuck.
So by the end of that live event, you are going to have decided for yourself. Your exact next steps that you need to take to be able to move forward in grief. And I am so excited about this. This is something I've been working on for months. It's something I've wanted to do for a long time. And I can't wait to be able to share that with you.
So join me.
Live Event Details
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[00:01:58] Emily: Monday, August 19th and the whole week for our back to school bash. You can join me for the live event by going to BraveWidow. com slash next N E X T to sign up. It's super easy. Name, email, done. And you can bring a friend. You can bring a few friends. You can bring a whole crew of people to this live event.
Introducing Jess and Her Story
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[00:02:20] Emily: Today, I talk with Jess A widow who's been widowed now for about eight years and whose spouse was also her abuser. Today we talk about some complex, complicated grief, disenfranchised grief, and all of the bundle of difficult emotions of grieving someone who was part of your life for so many years.
And feeling relief, feeling a sense of freedom, feeling a sense of peace, that this person is no longer in your world. I hear from so many widows that are struggling to say the words, I'm grieving for my husband that died. And life is a little calmer now, a little more peaceful now, it's a little simpler than it was before.
Most people may not understand why, and even for people who do understand why, they can be judgmental or opinionated, or less empathetic than they might be to a widow who is grieving their husband fully and wishes, For everything within her that her person was back. So we are going to talk about this difficult, challenging topic.
And I'm so grateful to Jess for being open and being so willing to be vulnerable and sharing her story.
. So Jess, thank you so much for coming on the show today and welcome.
[00:04:02] Jess: Thank you for having me. I really appreciate it.
[00:04:06] Emily: Yeah, absolutely.
Jess's Background and Family
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[00:04:07] Emily: So I know our audience would love to learn a little bit more about you, about your background, and then we can just jump into your story wherever you'd like to start.
[00:04:18] Jess: I have been widowed for eight years. Just a couple weeks ago was eight year anniversary. I have two grown sons. They're 26 And I have a stepdaughter from my late husband, who is the same age as my older son.
They're literally nine days apart in age. So it was like having twins. And I don't live in Pennsylvania anymore with my family. I moved to Virginia to get a fresh start. And that was four years ago this past April. And now I'm just living the dream in Virginia.
[00:04:56] Emily: And how has that change been like moving to Virginia and starting fresh? Did it feel like a fresh start? Has it been a lot of mixed feelings? What has that been like?
[00:05:09] Jess: I would say in the beginning it was a lot of mixed feelings. I'm definitely glad I did it. I don't have the anxiety and the anxiousness that I had when I was in Pennsylvania. I don't have to worry about seeing my late husband's family and all of the things that in being reminded on a daily basis of all the things that had happened while we were married and after he had passed away. So in essence, it's been a good thing, much more peaceful environment where I live, no drama, and I prefer to keep it that way.
[00:05:52] Emily: Well, that's certainly understandable.
Meeting Her Spouse
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[00:05:54] Emily: So maybe start by telling us, how you met your spouse and what your relationship was like when you guys first met.
[00:06:03] Jess: We met, I laugh so hard when I think about this. We met on a telephone dating service. You know how like now we have apps and online dating and this was.
Back in 2000, so there was a telephone number. I guess it was like a party line, what people think of, where you call this telephone number and you leave an ad telling about yourself, describing yourself and what you're looking for. And then other people can call in and it's They can hear your message and if they like it, they can leave a message for you. And then you just correspond back and forth that way. So that was how we met. And we exchanged phone numbers. We just thought we talked on the phone for hours and hours that first two weeks that we were after we had exchanged numbers. And it was probably the night, the first night we talked on the phone or maybe the second night.
That he said, well, we've been on the phone for four hours. I need to come meet you in person and see if you really are who you say you are. And I took what I said. Okay. Well, I'm just letting you know, if you show up to my door and I peek out the window and you're not as attractive as you say you are, I'm not letting you in.
[00:07:34] Emily: Oh, gosh, that's intimidating to think about, just hearing someone and not even you don't even have a chance to be catfish really, because you haven't even seen their picture.
[00:07:44] Jess: Exactly. So we, he came over to my apartment and I let him in and I thought, Hey, this might work. So we talked for a couple hours while he was at my apartment.
And then he left and he had to go out of town for work. He was a roofer. So he was working for a company and had to go. Actually, I think they were in Arlington, Virginia, working at the time. And he said, well, he said, when I get back out of town, we'll go ahead and have our first real date. Okay. So we talked on the phone every day for two weeks.
Everything was fine. We seemed to have the same goals in life. Really sweet guy. Didn't have much of a sense of humor at the time. I thought it was I was the one who was more funny than him.
Early Relationship Challenges
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[00:08:40] Jess: When he came back from out of town, we had our first date and he picked me up and he just seemed off that whole night.
Like he really wasn't who he said he was. And I remember we stopped at a gas station so he could get gas. And he said, do you want a drink or something from inside? I said, no, I'm okay. He goes, okay. Well, don't feel like you can't get drink. He's I got money. I can pay for that. And I'm like I don't know why he said that.
It was just some off, hand remark. And I was like, okay. And at the end of the night, I said to him, do you know what I said? This isn't going to work. It just felt like it was just not right. And so we stopped talking and it was about nine months later. I kept seeing these signs for his company that he worked for different places and, properties they worked on.
And I thought, eh, I wonder what he's doing. Well, I went back on the telephone dating service. And he left me a message saying, Hey, is this the same girl that lives so and has a son? It's, the same age as my daughter, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, all right, maybe I should give this another chance.
So I did. And we exchanged numbers again and we, he agreed to come see me. So he came in, visited me and we were just chatting. He goes, you know what? This was the very first night we started talking. And he says, I think about it this way in six months from now, we either break up and go our separate ways or we're going to get married.
I'm like, are you on drugs? Six months. That's a little ambitious. And I laughed it off. Well, during that six months, he sent me roses and came to visit me, came to my job his daughter would come with him on weekends when he would come visit me and my son. And it was, it felt right. It felt like it was really nice.
And it was, he was amazing. Like he did all these nice things for me and swept me off my feet.
Marriage and Early Struggles
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[00:10:59] Jess: And six months after we started dating, he asked me to marry him. And of course I said, yes. This was two days after Christmas in 2000 and 2001. And the kids were about three, three years old. They were turning four at the end of the year.
And he said, all right, let's get married. I said, okay, well, we pick in a date. And he says, well, I don't know yet. Yeah, I'm very engaged, but he didn't know about picking a date. I said, okay. And then he wanted me to move in. I said, all right. So I moved in, I think it was beginning in January or February and his daughter started calling me mom from the very first day I moved in.
I said, you don't have to call me that. She said, no, you're my mom. You're my other mommy now too. Okay. And her and my son just didn't always get along, but. It was what it was. His mom and his dad had lived with him because he had custody of his daughter from the time she was about 18 months old.
So right before we started dating is when he ended up getting custody of her. And so his parents moved in with him and were taking care of his daughter while he worked. When I moved in, I'll never forget. His mom looks at me. She goes, are you prepared for this? And I'm like, prepared for what? He goes, To be with somebody who works so much.
And I'm like, I knew that he worked a lot to begin with. So I'm, I obviously I signed up for this and he moved in and we decided to get married. In April, so that my grandparents could be there for the wedding because they were getting ready to move to Colorado and all of a sudden he started picking fights with me and complaining and, well, why didn't you do this?
And when are you going to do that? And I'm like, Where did this come from? And every time I would talk to him about something, he would snap at me and I would start to cry and I was emotional. I've always been like more of an emotional, empathetic person. And so for him to all of a sudden act like this, I was like, what is going on?
And the more upset I got, or whenever I cried, the more it seemed to infuriate him. And I kept thinking, Oh my gosh, what did I do? What did I do? And he said, I said, what is wrong? I said, you didn't act like this before. He said, I'm just stressed. I don't handle stress very well. Okay. And at this point I'm 20 something years old.
I was a single mom for, a couple of years before I met him. And I found this man who promised me all these things and said he was going to take care of me. And now all of a sudden he's changing his tune and being a little bit more mean. He said he doesn't handle stress very well.
And I was hell bent on making this marriage go through, making it work, being successful, and it just it just never, it never went away. There were periods of time over the years we were married 13 years and there were periods of time where it was good, he was sweet or he would.
Do things for me without me asking, but those times were very far and few between. And when I moved in and we had decided we're going to get married, he wanted me to stay at home, which I had no problem staying at home till I started staying at home with my kids. Then I started realizing, Oh my gosh, I don't know if I'm cut out for this. Two, two preschoolers, kindergartners, and then a baby. We had a miscarriage.
Miscarriage and Emotional Abuse
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[00:15:05] Jess: I got pregnant. In the May after we had gotten married, so a month after we got married and I ended up miscarrying a couple months later and I remember he was so cold in a way I had called him and said, I need to go to the doctor right away.
Something's not right. And his brother happened to be home that day or something. And he was at work and he says, well, he'll come over and watch the kids while you go to the ER and let me know what's going on. I'm like, can't you come home? And I'm your wife. He said, no, I don't. Somebody has got to pay the bills.
That was his famous phrase. Somebody has got to pay the bills. So his brother came over. I went to the hospital, ended up having a miscarriage, called him on the phone. He was like, So now what? He was just so cold and I'm like, I said, well, I have to go back in and have the procedure tomorrow. I said, so you're going to need to take me.
Well, can't my dad take you? Cause his parents didn't live far. I was like, no, you are my husband. You need to take me. So begrudgingly, he ended up staying home from work that day. And I remember that was the first and only time that I ever cried. And sobbed that he didn't get mad at me. It didn't seem to infuriate him.
That was the only time that it ever was like that. Anytime after that, it was, it always seemed to bother it always seemed to meet him more angry at me that I was, he would call me. I would sit, call me and tell me I was weak minded because I was depressed and I shouldn't be that way. I have everything and anything in the world.
That any woman would want to be married to him. I should count myself lucky. Just constantly saying phrases like that.
[00:17:11] Emily: And how long were the two of you married?
[00:17:15] Jess: Thirteen years. Thirteen years. Yeah.
Years of Manipulation and Gaslighting
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[00:17:19] Jess: And as the years went on, I tried and tried. I made every excuse like, oh, he's just stressed about work or he, he was very good at manipulating and gaslighting. These terms really didn't exist, nobody knew that abuse could be emotional and physical, just because I didn't have a bruise, somewhere, or, a cut on my face or somewhere else from him. I didn't, I couldn't file charges and say, Oh my gosh, he was emotionally abusing me.
He said this, that, and the other thing and nobody, that wasn't a thing. It wasn't a thing at all.
[00:18:07] Emily: And I really, I can't imagine, how difficult that must have been. And like you said, there just really wasn't an awareness of that or that was, Quote unquote wrong or, Oh, you need to get out of that type of situation or whatever, the things are that, that are out there now, but it had to feel very just isolating.
And like you said, cold do you mind to share how he ended up dying?
Husband's Death and Immediate Aftermath
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[00:18:36] Jess: So he was a roofer. He did specialty roofing, so a lot of the time he had high end slate roofs, or a majority of his work was church restoration, steeples, and things like that. He was very good at what he did. He was a very good financial supporter he worked hard, and, he busted up his body doing it he was exhausted every day, and I understand that.
Anyway, so our kids had graduated high school the first week in June on thursday night, saturday night, we had a huge party for them, went all out and Sunday, my older son had left for Ocean City, Maryland for Senior Week. Monday morning, his daughter had left with her friends to go down to Senior Week.
Same place. And they were supposed to meet up, one of those days while they were down there for the week. I got a call. I had talked to him a couple of times during the day on Monday. I had seen my therapist that day talking about our marital issues and how he wanted to go back to therapy. I did not.
I wanted a divorce and he told me no. He was home and, was, So he was going into late into work later than he normally would. Normally he'd get up and be gone at like 4 AM. And this time it had rained in the morning. It was hot. So he was waiting for the roof to dry up because he had to go waterproof or silicone spray a roof, a slate roof on a church.
So he left about noon and everything was fine. Talked to him twice. I had a call from my brother in law's wife at five o'clock, a little after five. And she said, where are you? I said, I'm home. She said, well, his name was Chuck. She said, Chuck fell and we're coming to get you. What do you mean he fell?
Fell how? She said, he fell. We're coming to get you. So they came over and they literally lived half a block from me. Came over, got me and I went in the car and she said, well, where's Charlie? He was my younger son. I said, well, he's inside. She goes, no, he needs to come too. And I'm like, okay, just in complete denial that anything seriously was wrong.
And so I went and got him and we left. And. The job site he was on was an hour and a half away from the house. So in the meantime, an hour and a half drive, my brother in law and his wife, my mother in law, there was like six of us in the SUV and we drive up there, I'm trying to call the hospital and they finally answer and I'm like, I'm trying to get information on my husband.
They brought him in. And the woman I talked to on the phone, she said, well, are you by yourself? I said, no, my in laws are with me. And she said, well, ask for so and so when you get here. I said, well, can you two tell me anything? And she says, the doctors will talk to you when you get here. Never in my wildest dreams was I thinking that he was actually gone.
I thought, okay, he broke his back, is he in a coma? All these things are just like, eh, it'll be fine. And so I get there and I go into the emergency room and the woman that was standing there behind the desk was the chaplain. And I asked for the name, I forget the name of the person, and she said, well, that's me.
And it was the chaplain. And she said, why don't you come on back and follow me? So they took me and my mother in law back to the room, as I call it, because every time you go into the room, it's never good news, never. And we go in there, we sit down, the rest of the family is parking the SUV and
two doctors and four nurses come in and they're sitting there. And he sits down and he goes, Well, what do you know about what happened today? I said, I know nothing. I know absolutely nothing. All I know is he fell. They called the ambulance. They were doing CPR and they brought him here. That's all I know.
I don't know anything else. And he said, Well, unfortunately, your husband's injuries were too severe and there was nothing we could do. I'm not really sure why they brought him in because he had already passed when he hit, when the initial impact hit him. So he had fallen 40 feet and off the roof. There was a roof that was underneath him that was covering like a statue of Mother Mary.
It was a Catholic church. And when he fell off the top roof, he immediately, it immediately crushed his chest. When he hit the second group and then ultimately hit the ground. So he was killed instantly. So I was grateful for the fact that there was no suffering. He really, I feel like he just didn't know, like he didn't see it coming. So we sat at the hospital for a couple hours happened and I'm like, I don't believe you when they told me this, I'm like, I don't believe you, I started cussing the doctor out. And I said, no, I want to see him right now. I don't believe you. You're lying. This is a joke. And the nurses, nurse looked at me.
She goes, I really don't think we recommend you seeing him right now. I said, I don't give a crap . Pardon my language. I said, I don't care what you say. I need to see him now. And in my mind, I'm thinking, I need to make sure this is real. This is no joke. I need to see him and make sure that all of the trauma, all of the emotional abuse and the name calling and the fighting, I need to make sure it's really over because I don't know if that, I don't know, I think it's just a joke.
And she said, the nurse said, well, let's just give us a few minutes to clean them up and we'll take you back. So they came back and got me. And I said to her mother in law, I said, are you going to come with me? She said, no. So in the hospital that day, I was the only one to see him when they brought him in after I got there.
And it was just. It was crazy. I remember like just crying and sobbing and I like threw myself like over him and he was so cold and he was so bloated because of all the trauma and internal bleeding and the nurse pulled me back. She said, we don't want to do that.
We don't want to like have you on top of him because that would end poorly. And I'm like, Whatever, and I remember that the chaplain was there and she said, do you want me to say a prayer? I said, I don't really care right now. I was just dumbfounded that it was actually, this was all actually happening. After a few minutes, I went back to the room with the rest of the family. And they're just like, is it really true? I don't, he's not, he's going to be okay. And I'm like I'm sorry. And unfortunately he's not he's, he really is gone. One thing I did forget to mention was that on the way to the hospital, I had to call the kids.
I had to call them and be like, listen, you guys need to get together, be together because. Your dad fell. I have no idea what's going on. So I need you to get be together. So when I get to the hospital, I can call you and give you update. So after I went back to the room and his family, I assured them that he really was gone or confirmed it.
Then I looked around and I'm like, I've got to call the kids. I've got to call the kids and I feel like that was the most heart wrenching thing out of everything because, they're these two 18 year old kids who just graduated high school and they just lost their dad calling them and telling them and I remember I'll never forget.
Like the blood curling scream that his daughter let out, when I had to tell them that he was gone and, told them, obviously you need to come home and, they left right away from the beach and Ocean City, Maryland was about three and a half, about three, three and a half hours from where we lived.
And so we were still at the hospital for a couple hours. The police had come in, the district attorney all these investigators, because it happened on a job site. And the, they did all these, investigations and whatnot and people questioning me. And then there was the people that came in and asked it about donor donations skin organs and all that kind of stuff.
And I had to sign paperwork and it was just, it was a lot and it was so overwhelming and it was just one big mind swirl. And
Family Dynamics Post-Death
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[00:28:25] Jess: he, the year leading up to his accident and his death, I wanted a divorce, the kids were graduating and I wanted out, I was just so exhausted from all of the fighting and the name calling and the manipulation, I just wanted out and he told me no, he told me that when his daughter found out she wanted him to just go ahead and give me a divorce and he told her no, Nobody was leaving and she apparently told him, well, then have fun with your fake wife and your fake life and stopped coming home for family dinners and stopped talking to me like there really wasn't any connection there anymore.
And that's also where hurt was the fact that I lost him, but I also lost her. I lost his family. There were many times where we would get into arguments And he would start calling me names and all kinds of nasty things in front of his family. And they would come to my defense, but when it came after he passed away, all of a sudden I was the bad guy.
I was the one who only cared about the money. After he passed away, it came to light that, I knew about this, but he never changed his will the entire 13 years we were married. Everything, the life insurance, all the possessions, everything was supposed to go to his daughter and the executor of the estate.
Which was his brother who was like just under a year younger than him. And also with him in the business that they had started. So there were things that were said and. They were angry with me and I was angry with them. There were things done on social media, said on social media about my son, how my husband wasn't his father, wasn't his real father, which he wasn't his blood, but he was the only father figure that my son knew.
But unfortunately he was also very mean and. Emotionally abusive to my son. And that was the majority of what our arguments are about. He would call him names and he would tell him he was lazy. And he would say all kinds of nasty, hateful things to him and me. And I'd argue with him about it. I'm like, this is no way to treat anybody.
There's, there was just so much,
[00:30:57] Emily: how did you.
Navigating Grief and Relief
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[00:30:59] Emily: Even wrap your mind around, you live with an abusive. just difficult person to be with. You're going down this road of wanting a divorce of wanting to get out of the relationship. And then now you're having to navigate all the to do's of, planning what to do.
Post death with either a service or whatever those next steps look like. And then I imagine you had to be wrestling, like all these conflicting emotions, like there's relief because now there's going to be less chaos in your life, but you still have grief to deal with too. That doesn't just magically go away because you didn't have a really great relationship with that person.
What was that like for you?
[00:31:48] Jess: It was just. Like you said, it was so conflicting because here I am on one end relieved that there's no more name calling from him, there's no more fighting, there's no more manipulating and gaslighting, and at the same time I spent 13 years, 14 years with this man.
We had plans for the future and it was just, all of a sudden I was ripped away, family dinners on the holidays, all of that was just gone because he was no longer here. And I think that even now couple of weeks ago was the anniversary, eight years. And I'm like, I just don't know what to say about it. His kids miss him. Me as a, as his wife, I don't miss him. I don't miss the behaviors that he, displayed with me. The only time we really got along was if we would go on vacation and the kids weren't with us, then it was like we were dating and things were a little bit better.
We didn't. We didn't fight as much, but then he would make offhanded comments like, Oh, look at that guy or, he would constantly talk about me wanting to be with ex boyfriends and this, that, and the other thing. And, Oh, I bet you, I bet you want to go be with him.
Now. He was just very insecure. Now that I look back at it. But I would never give him a reason to be insecure. And, there was a woman who he had known for a very long time, through, from his teenage years that, The last couple months that she was like calling him all at odd hours, she was texting him having conversations that while he was at work with him and the work crew that were completely inappropriate because he would come home and tell me about these conversations.
He would tell me she was texting him. And when I asked him to cut it out and block her. He said, she's too unstable for me to do that. Cause I don't want something to happen to her. That's really not your place to even be worried about. Apparently it meant a lot to him. And so that was another thing that really had threw me for a loop.
And it was part of the whole grieving process. I would say for about a good two years, I was in this autopilot numb state. And when we had his service. I don't even remember crying, to be honest. I just remember sitting there numb. And not even sure what to say, what to do. I just, I was definitely numb.
[00:34:56] Emily: And did you find yourself struggling resonating with other widows or in grief groups, or I just hear a lot from widows that feel very isolated because they don't think, Oh, my husband was the greatest person in the world. And I would give anything to have him back. And it's just things that they're not comfortable saying out loud.
Like it's just hard to say, well, I'm relieved now that person isn't here every day. And yeah, I'm grieving a big part of my life. And my life is calmer now.
[00:35:31] Jess: Yes, very much I remember trying to go to a couple of grief support groups after he passed. And I sat there thinking, My God, first of all, I'm the youngest one here by 10, 15 years, 20 years.
And also, like, all of these people lost their loved one in a way where, most of them, in a way where they could prepare. And in a sense, maybe get closure. I didn't have that. I didn't have that at all. And he was, like you said, he was not a very nice person. The relief that I felt from him, dying, passing away was far outweighed in a way far outweighed the grief.
And Over the years, when people say, when people find out I'm a widow, they're like, Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. I'm like, it's okay. I appreciate the sentiment, but I'm good. And some people, depending on who it is all going to be like, well, he was not a very nice person. So sad for the kids, not so sad for myself.
Um, just things like that.
[00:36:49] Emily: Well, thank you for sharing that. I know I know several widows that have their own experience with having a difficult spouse or being in the process of divorce or even being separated and they, it's not easy for them to say those words out loud or they feel alone.
We, I know we even, I worked with a widow that.
Jess's Advice and Encouragement
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[00:37:12] Emily: Just feels that people wouldn't believe her if she were honest about how her husband treated her because he was nice to everybody else you know, or not as difficult as he is to her and so I'm really hoping that this story helps to encourage and inspire other widows that are feeling Just disconnected and like they're alone to know that they're not and that other people do have this type of experience Jess what would you say has been the most helpful for you?
You're a little further down the road, eight years now of having gone through this process. What did you find was the most helpful for you when there was family that disappeared and didn't support you, then you're feeling like you're grieving mostly for your kids and for what could have been, but not what was like, what was the most helpful for you?
[00:38:08] Jess: Therapy. Definitely therapy and removing myself from people who were not supportive or, people who didn't want to believe the situations that happened and how I was feeling. You just, it's okay to remove yourself from situations and from people that, you Are not supportive or, people that are toxic, you just can't have them in your life and be able to function in a healthy way.
[00:38:49] Emily: I think that's great advice is allowing there to be some distance and creating some space. Thank you so much. For coming and sharing your story and just being so open and vulnerable. If there was any last piece of advice or words of encouragement that you would give to other widows who are in your position as you were early on, or, maybe they're even with a spouse right now that's difficult to navigate or emotionally or verbally abusive to them.
What words of encouragement or advice would you give to those folks?
[00:39:25] Jess: I would say That it's day by day. And I would say that you can do hard things. Even if it doesn't seem like you will get through it, you wake up and you go through it and you do hard things every day. And you just have to live your life for you and for your children, if you have children, but you have to live your life for you and not what it, what could have been.
[00:39:53] Emily: Oh, that's great. Thank you so much. And thank you for coming on the show today. I really appreciate it.
[00:39:59] Jess: Thank you for having me. I really appreciate it.
Conclusion and Community Invitation
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[00:40:02] Emily: I hope that hearing Jess's story was encouraging and inspiring to those of you that struggle with complicated grief. Whether it's due to, you had a spouse that was an addict, whether you had a spouse that was abusive, whether you had a spouse that died from suicide or from, Any sort of experience, relationship, or death that makes grief feel weird and hard and different from what sometimes we tell ourselves everyone else experiences.
I get questions in private from many widows around how to navigate some of this complex grief. How to navigate disenfranchised grief where society doesn't understand why you're grieving because of the relationship that you had or maybe didn't have. And the reality is that these experiences are more common than you might think.
It's hard to say words like, I'm grieving my dead husband and my life is easier now. My life is calmer now. I have peace now. And life is simpler than it was when they were alive. It's not easy to say those things. It's not easy to think those things. And you might be struggling with guilt. You might be struggling with regret.
You might be feeling, as grief often causes us to, just a whole bundle of all kinds of different emotions. And this is one of the reasons why it's so important To get plugged in to leadership and to a group that understands in their own way what you're going through, that understands how to navigate this and to actually be able to move forward, to free yourself from guilt and regret and all the things that could have been or should have been in your mind and to say all of the things that still are leaving you feeling incomplete.
Are you a widow who feels disconnected? Do you feel like you're stuck or even going backwards in your grief? Widowhood can be lonely and isolating, but it doesn't have to be. Join us in the Brave Widow membership community and connect. We teach widows how to find hope, heal their heart, and dream again for the future.
Find your purpose and create a life you love today. Go to bravewidow. com to get started.
