123 Meaghan B
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Introduction and Guest WelcomeWelcome to Episode 123
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Hey, hey, and welcome to episode number 123 of the Brave Widow Show. Today, Meaghan shares her story about medical school, having a five year old and juggling all the challenges of grief and widowhood. And I know that you are really going to like her story.
Exciting News: Brave Widow Membership Launch
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Before we dive into her story, I just have some really exciting news to share.
So if you're listening to this real time, by the time you hear this, it'll be November the 12th on Tuesday. And in this past week, we did a big launch and push for the Brave Widow membership community. I added in some special fast action bonuses, and we had 13, 13 widows join the membership community, which is amazing.
So, If you've been on the fence, if you've been thinking about joining, this is a perfect time to join because you are going to be in the ranks with several other folks that are new to the community who are learning the skills and the tools to navigate grief, to navigate healing their heart, and how to view that as the foundation For reclaiming their life, for figuring out who they are in this next version, and for creating a life that they actually love again.
And one of the questions I get is, how is this different? Is this a group recovery program? Like, is it life coaching for widows? What is it?
What Sets Brave Widow Apart
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And the answer is yes, all of the things, but to me, what sets Brave Widow apart is that not only do we hold space and we have tools and systems and processes for healing your heart and for processing your grief and loss.
We also view that as a foundation. So as your coach in Brave Widow and as your guide, I ensure that we work on healing your heart, on processing the hurt and the loss that you've had in the past. And that's just the beginning because there is a whole nother world of figuring out who you are going to be.
In this next version of figuring out what are the things that you want in life and being able to actually bring that to fruition and bring that to life. This could be a whole podcast episode in itself, but I just am so proud of. the difference that I think the Brave Widow program has, the membership has, the coaching, all of that, which is very much focused on having a life where you thrive and you can enjoy it and you love it.
You're also going to learn skills in the membership community that impact your life every day. So being part of the membership isn't just about how it's helped you during the time that you're a member.
It's the skills that it has taught you that you will use the rest of your life. I have members who've broken years of generational family dysfunction and trauma. I have members who have explored new career paths. Published a book, launched new businesses, became coaches themselves, led support groups and.
volunteered for things in their community. We have people that learn emotional intelligence and they learn how to implement healthy boundaries and how to make friends and meet new people and skills that you will have the rest of your life. Which is incredible.
Join the Brave Widow Community
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So I would love to invite you to join the membership community.
The cost is 97 a month, or you can pay by the quarter, which is 197 for three months. So basically you pay for two months and get one free and you have access to just an incredible amount of things. In the membership community courses, connection calls, coaching calls, webinars, and events that we host.
And then of course the community of other widows who are walking this journey with you. So again, I invite you to join us in the community. This is the perfect time. As one widow said, this is her Christmas gift to herself, and she is so worth it. I totally agree. While we might think the holidays are a busy time, in the next couple of months, we're going to have a lot going on.
Perfect of a time to join, to have a strong community of other widows that are going to help you through the holidays, through some of the toughest days that we tend to face as widows. All right. Again, I invite you to join us in the community. You could go to BraveWidow. com to learn more.
Introducing Meaghan Bethea
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Now let's dive into Meaghan's story.
[00:04:58] Emily: Welcome to the Brave Widow Show, where we help widows find hope, heal their heart, and dream again for the future. I'm your host, Emily Tanner. After losing my husband of 20 years, I didn't know how I could ever experience true joy and excitement again for the future. I eventually learned how to create a life I love, and I've made it my mission to help other widows do the same.
Join me and the Brave Widow membership community and get started today. Learn more at BraveWidow. com
Meaghan thank you. And welcome to the show. Yeah. Thank you for having me. Absolutely.
Meaghan's Background and Unique Journey
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[00:05:39] Emily: So I know our audience would love to know more about you, your background, and then really we can dive into your story wherever you'd like to start.
[00:05:50] Meaghan: My name is Meaghan Bethea. I'm 35 years old. Just turned 35 in August. And I have a five year old son. He just turned five in September.
Meaghan's Journey: Medical School and Motherhood
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[00:06:01] Meaghan: And I am actually in medical school right now to become a doctor.
[00:06:06] Emily: You are in medical school as a widow with a five year old. Yeah. Yep. That is amazing and crazy all at the same time.
[00:06:16] Meaghan: Yeah. Yeah. It's one of the reasons like I wanted to come on the podcast was because like no one, obviously my situation is unique, like no one really had no one I could find through my research had really any similar experience.
And I know it's like unique in its sense, but hopefully it can provide. A little bit of hope to others out there along with everything that they have going on. Yeah, absolutely. So I'll just start off.
Fateful Encounters: Meeting CameronMeeting Cameron: A Fateful Encounter
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[00:06:48] Meaghan: I met my late partner Cameron in 2018. But I always tell people it's funny because we had like situations where we should have met before and we didn't.
And it was truly fate like driven because. We grew up in the same town. I'm from North Carolina, small town in North Carolina called China Grove, North Carolina. And we grew up in the same town. We are about four years apart, maybe three and a half years apart. And, So we went to the same high school, went to the same elementary school, middle school, all that, even the same preschool we went to, but we just never crossed paths until we met in 2018.
When we met in 2018, we actually found out that we went to church together. We found a picture of us in the preschool, like in the, like kids room playing together, which was crazy. And then we had so many mutual friends in common and we had actually pinpointed that there was a few times that we met and just didn't.
Talk or like really show interest with each other. So there was one time that we, I was out with some friends and he actually was with his ex girlfriend and they had just gotten off work cause they worked together and we like passed each other. And I remember my best friend at the time was like, Oh yeah, that's one of my good friends, his name's Box, which was like a nickname that everyone gave Cameron.
Everyone called him box and I was like, Oh, okay. And then he was like waving at him and being like, Hey Box, what's up, dude. And he just nudged him off. And I was like, Oh yeah, good friend. Huh? Making fun of my friend. And then there was another time he was like an avid musician and played guitar.
And everyone knew him as that, like Box is the musician. And I had a friend who played guitar as well. And I was over at her house and she was like, Oh yeah, my friend Box is coming over and he came over and he played like one song and then left. And that was like two years before we like met and went on a date and Got to know each other.
So it's just crazy when I think back about it, like how many times like paths really did cross and we just like completely didn't. intertwine and I look back on it and I'm like, yeah, there was a reason because the times that we like our paths cross, I was not in a space. Obviously he was dating someone else with that initial example.
Like we just weren't in a space to like date each other. So I do truly chalk it up to fate that we met and that we started dating when we did.
Life Together: From Dating to ParenthoodLife Together: From Dating to Parenthood
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[00:09:19] Meaghan: And so long story short, we had been messaging each other on social media just because we had mutual friends and we knew of each other. And one day he was like, asking me what he was doing.
What I was doing that evening and I was like, Oh, I'm not sure what are you doing? I'm going to Virginia to see my dad because at the time his dad lived in Virginia. And he was like, I'm going to ride with my sister. And then about an hour later, he messaged me and he was like, Oh yeah, nevermind.
My sister got a flat tire. And so we always joke with his sister. Her name's Leslie. Like we always joke around and we're like, yeah, that flat tower tire brought us together. Because as soon as he said that, he was like do you want to go hang out with me at this show? Like I said, he's super big into music.
And I was like, do you want to go hang out with me this show? And I was like, yeah, sure. Why not? That sounds like a good time. But at the time. I had a guy best friend, actually the same guy best friend that I saw Cameron out at the bar with his ex girlfriend, and I just had watched way too many true crime episodes, and I was like, there's no way that I'm going out to a random Bar to watch a show and I don't know anybody in this like city.
I'm going to make my best friend, Josh third wheel with us. And so Cameron always used to joke about how I pull up to his house to pick him up. Cause I was driving, I was like, I'll drive because he was like, I'm not. Dealing with any car issues today after that flat tire and I pull up to his house and I like knock on the door and I'm like, Hey, come on let's get in the car.
And he like goes to get in the car, like walks to the passenger seat door to open it. And he opens it. And they're set like Josh are like my best friend. And he was like, Oh, okay. So this isn't really a date. Then this is like us hanging out all together. Together, but then after that incident we just were like inseparable.
So like the next weekend we went to, we're a huge like Panthers fan. So we went to a Panthers game. And then pretty much after that was like history. I feel like I remember he like introduced me to his dad and stepmom within a week later. And I was like, is this like going too fast? Am I like, Being love bombed.
Is this real, but no, it was just, it was so organic whenever we met and it just worked for us. And then at the time I was working at like a medical assistant office. And we, and he was managing a Jimmy John's. And so it just flowed. And so we got pregnant shortly after that.
We, it was not planned, but we were very thankful. About five months later, we got pregnant. And I remember telling him being like the plan was. For us to move to Tennessee and because he was big in music, go to Nashville. He wanted to try to start like making music and see what happened. And then there was a medical school there that I wanted to go to.
And so I was like, what are we going to do? It was not a part of the plan to get pregnant. It was definitely stressful. But at the time I remember Cam being like he like sat down with me and he was just like, listen, I want more than anything to have a kid with you. And I promise you that if we make it through like this, if we can do this together, that I will support you 100 percent in medical school.
Like I will become a stay at home dad. I will do whatever it takes. I don't want you to have to give up your dream to go to medical school just because of what I want. But I promise you that I will support you if we do decide to go through with this. And.
Medical School Dreams and Moving to BarbadosChallenges and Triumphs: Medical School and COVID
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[00:13:06] Meaghan: That conversation sticks out to me a lot because shortly after that, I obviously had our beautiful son and I stopped working at the medical office and actually started working at the hospital in the lab doing blood work running the lab tests and things like that and then COVID hit.
And covid kind of disrupt all the plans, right? Cam working in the food industry really messed everything up because he was a general manager for Jimmy John's and that Jimmy John shut down. So then he was out of a job and we just were at a situation where it was like. Man, what do we do?
Like, where do we go from here? And I'll never forget, I was working as a lab tech one day, and I, like I had said before, always wanted to go to medical school, but I'll never forget, I was on night shift, and I was just, Over working in the night shift, it was just draining me and I remember getting 1 patients lab work information back and just being like, I wonder what's going on with them.
And I always felt like I needed to put the puzzle pieces together. I always was like. I get these lab values back and now I'm like wondering what they're, what they came in for, what their chief complaint is, like things like that. So that kind of sparked me that evening on my lunch break to apply to medical school as crazy as that sounds.
I had already completed the application. Basically I just hadn't hit submit because I was planning on going before and had filled it all out. And then pause because I got pregnant. And then submitted that on Friday night, had my interview for medical school Monday morning and got accepted Tuesday, and I didn't run anything by Cam.
I was, it was one of those impulse decisions where it was like, I'm over working third shift. I want to do more with my life. Like this is it. Like this, I know I want to do this and I didn't really think that it would happen that fast and it did. And so poor cam, I just have to like, come to him on a Tuesday afternoon and be like, Hey.
By the way, I got accepted into medical school so sorry that it did not consult you. I apologize. I'm a terrible partner. No, he was fine with it. He was really supportive of it. And so the school that I got into is called Ross University School of Medicine. It is actually a Caribbean medical school.
So it is based in Barbados. It's still like you're licensed as a United States physician, but. It's you do your first year and a half training in Barbados. So I had to come to Cam and be like, Hey, not only have I signed you up to be like a spouse of someone who's in medical school, but we have to move to Barbados.
That is wild. How do you feel about that? And he was just like, He, I'll be honest you hear the perfect Oh, he was always supportive. Don't get me wrong, but he definitely had questions. He's not, he was not as impulsive as I am. Like, he was very much I need to figure this out before I like, just take a leap.
And I'm very much just take the leap. Let's try it out and see what happens. And I kept saying to him, I was like it's not like we're the first people to ever move to a different country and go to medical school here. It's an established medical school. So it's not crazy to think that we can't do this.
We have a 1 year old at the time about to turn 2 and, he's just like, all right, fine. We'll do it. And I'll never forget it was, because of COVID, this was like 2021 at the end of 2021 still COVID protocols were in place, like you still had to get the nasal swab to travel and things like that, depending on what the country's protocols were.
And I I'll never forget. We had the worst time moving. Cam. We went to move cam got COVID. So his nasal swab that we initially got just as a screening to get on the airplane ended up coming back positive. Then our kid got COVID. I actually didn't get COVID. I don't know how and then so we had to wait two weeks.
That's I was like, what did I get myself into? what diD I get all of us into over here? Here? I am saying like, it's fine. How many people have there's so many people have done this. It's no big deal. And then Cam being like hesitant and saying we got to figure out all these plans.
And then here I am like, oh, my gosh, I got ours us into way too much jumped way too fast way too quickly. But it all worked out in the end.
Returning Home and Facing New Challenges
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[00:17:50] Meaghan: We spent a year and a half on island in Barbados. It was great. We made a ton of friends.
We came home April of 2023. Like May, April ish. And the way it works is after basic sciences, you take your first boards of medical school. So it's called step one. You take three total step one, two, and three, and they're just every time you like finish. So I actually am currently studying to take step two probably around February and March of 2025.
And then I'll take step three whenever I become a resident which is a doctor in training. And so I Was planning on taking step one June. So I remember Cam was like, everyone loved him. Everyone. If you saw his funeral, it was very obvious. It was insane. I remember thinking there were teachers from first grade at his funeral, and I was like, I don't even know if my teacher from first grade would remember me.
They probably would, but he just was so memorable. So many people had such great things to say about him. But he always chose his family always chose if he had a choice between hanging out with friends or going out and doing stuff like, or hanging out with his family he was going to hang out with family, not just me his family.
Dad and his sister and his step mom and his step siblings, like we're very close knit family. And then his mom was also like close, like he would, he was so close with his mom, he would bring her to functions and things like that. She had a stroke in. When he was in high school and he actually ended up, she had another stroke while he was in college and he actually ended up dropping out of college at the very end to come home to take care of her.
They were very close and and that was a big part he told me whenever we started dating, one thing was like, family was big. He took care of his mom and that was something that if I wasn't okay with, like him having to spend time with her, like going over there, which why wouldn't you be?
But he just was very open and honest about the fact that that was part of the deal. But we got home and from like May until August we spent like every. Every day together. So I was studying for my boards. I was helping my father out. He has like a local dive bar that he owns. And so whenever I moved back home while I was studying for my boards, I was just helping him out to Bartend every once in a while there.
Cause it was something I had done previously. Just trying to bring in a little money for myself and help him out. So around. I took my boards in June, like late June, mid to late June. I remember maybe a week or two before I took my boards. He asked me if he could go hang out with some friends.
He was like going to go play music with them. And I was like, no. Not right now. It's not a good time. I'm focusing on these boards. I have to pass this boards or else the past year and a half was for nothing. And I typically wasn't like that, but I just, was like, I'm literally a week or 2 out from my tests.
I have to focus. I need help with our son and I can't do it right now. And so after my tests and I passed and everything like that, we, the next step is you get placed in clinicals, which You can be anywhere in the U. S. so that's why, when you 1st introduced me, you were like, where are you coming from?
And I was like, oh, yeah, Michigan, but I'm originally from North Carolina. So you could get placed anywhere in the United States, and we actually got placed in Florida. And so I remember in August August.
A Day in the Life
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[00:21:47] Meaghan: 18th we spent the day together. Read and me reads my son's name and cam, we went to the park and then we came home.
Cam was a huge cook. I'm terrible cook. Cam whipped up something delicious like always. And then we watched like the Jurassic park movie with Reed cause he's really into dinosaurs.
The Last Night Together
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[00:22:10] Meaghan: And that was like the last night we spent together. And then the 19th I had to bartend that evening for my father.
And then, like I said, I had already passed my boards on September 1st. We were planning on moving to Florida.
A Night Out and a Tragic Morning
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[00:22:28] Meaghan: But I had to bartend and then after I got off at midnight, I texted him and I said, I'm going to go get like a drink with some friends, like a beer at the bar beside of us. And I'll be home.
And he's okay, and then. I came home and that Saturday he had to work and he texted me. He was like, Hey Do you mind if I go play some music like I was planning on doing before but you were studying, I was like, no, that's fine. I literally just went out last night after work to grab a beer with some friends You're more than welcome.
Like you never go out go hang out and have a good time you're always with The past three months. I don't even I can't recall the last time you've hung out with just friends like you're always with family, which is what he liked to do, he went, he came home from work around five.
And I remember him. I remember him asking me what I wanted for dinner. He was going to make something before he left to go hang out with friends. I was like, no, go hang out with your friends. I can order pizza or order something or I can make something for me and Reed. Don't worry about us.
Go hang out with your friends. And I was laying on the bed. Reed was sitting beside me and he was playing the switch. And. Cam like came and laid down with me and gave me a hug and gave me a kiss and was like, all right, are you sure? And I was like, yeah, go have fun.
A Tragic Loss: Cameron's Passing
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[00:23:49] Meaghan: And that was the last time I saw Cam.
So he went over to a friend's house and he was playing music and I guess they were all hanging out. And Cam was. One, two he wasn't a huge drinker, he mostly would smoke marijuana every once in a while, and one of their friends was like, oh, yeah, let's I don't know, smoke weed, that evening while they're playing music, and I guess they went to smoke, I'm not sure if they smoked a joint what form it was, that's still in question right now, but, I guess he fell asleep on the computer chair and the two guys that he was with fell asleep on the couch.
There was, like, a one seater and then a three seater couch. And I woke up the next morning and I kept the light on for him the kitchen, the living room light. He did that for me, like, when I would go out after work to get a drink with friends or whatever. And I woke up at 6 a. m. and he wasn't home, and that was not like Cam but I just figured he probably went over to his friends, played music, and maybe he might have had a beer or two and didn't feel comfortable driving because he was pretty safe about that sort of stuff, and so I've just texted him and was like, hey, everything okay, and I never heard back and I was like, that's weird and I had to work at the bar again, Sunday morning.
And nine o'clock rolls around. I'm with Reed. I'm making breakfast and I didn't want to bug him too much because like I said, he never went out with friends. So I was trying to let him like, Enjoy his time with friends, whether he's slightly hungover or what have you. I wasn't trying to bug him about it.
So I was just texting him like, hey, just give me a call texted the guys that he was with 1 of the guys that he was with them was like, hey, have you heard from cam? If you have just let me know. And never heard back anything. So I just went into work called my mom was like, hey, do you mind watching read for a little bit?
Cam went out last night with some friends. He probably just got tired. Maybe a little too drunk or something and didn't want to drive home and I haven't heard back from him. She's yeah, no problem. Just bring read over. And I was like, okay, brought Reed over. Didn't think twice about it.
The Heartbreaking News
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[00:26:11] Meaghan: Went to the bar was opening the bar and I got a phone call from cam's mom who I guess that was the only way they knew how to get ahold of cam or someone related to him.
But he she was like, the police just showed up. I have bad news cams in the morgue and I was very confused by the wording. And again, she had multiple strokes and sometimes the things that she meant were, like, came across not as the way it seems. So I was confused and I was like, what do you mean?
Is Cam in the hospital? And she was like, no, Cam's in the morgue. And I was like, what are you saying? I don't, I'm so confused by what you're trying to tell me. And she's Cam's in the morgue. And I was like, you mean the hospital? He's in the hospital? Did he get in a wreck or something? What's wrong?
And she's no, Cam is in the morgue. And I was like, do you mean he's dead? And she's yes. And I was like, what, because I just chalked it up to him going over to a friend's house and being too drunk to drive home. And so my thought was like, did he drive home? Surely he wouldn't have drove home.
Did he get into a car accident? What happened? And so I call my mom. And I'll never forget the scream on the phone when I told her she was in the, in a restaurant eating breakfast with my dad and read and she just screamed, I dropped the phone, and I called my sister, and I told her.
And she was like, I'd never forget, she's no, he's not. No, he's not. No, he's not. And I was like, yes, Cam is dead. She's no, he's not. And nobody could believe it. I get to the hospital and I get pulled in by like HR into the family counseling room.
Coping with Loss and Stigma
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[00:28:08] Meaghan: I guess it's not HR, but like the people that handle crises, family counseling situation and I'm like what happened and I Get told like these crazy things that like him would never do it was like he was at a party He was smoking crack he Did a brain bar and he did all this all these drugs and now he's dead And I was like what I was baffled. I didn't know what to do To think did I, have I been with someone for the past 5 years that does these you just start making up all these scenarios of have I been living a lie?
Has he just been doing all these drugs and I don't know about them? What is going on? It's just 1 of those things where you just are questioning everything and. They gave me an address and I went to the address. And it was the guy that he was playing music with that night. And I asked him what happened.
And I didn't really know this guy. I had heard of him through Cam. He just told me it was somebody that he like, Played music with, but I just never really followed up on it and didn't think twice about it. But I guess he had, he knew him in high school. So I guess over the years had developed like an opiate addiction and come to find out the weed that they decided to smoke and then pass out was actually laced with fentanyl.
That is where we were at. Something that I never saw coming. You, I don't want to say you try to paint like this perfect family, perfect picture per se, but it's just not something that I've ever experienced and there's nothing wrong with addiction. I am 100 percent an advocate for people that struggle with addiction.
But it was just something I had never had someone like struggle with in my family per se. And I just was never. And I was very prepared for it, meaning I we didn't have any warning signs someone who maybe struggles with addiction might give out, when it comes to a loss like that, and it was very difficult to deal with, and a lot of, there's a lot of stigma behind it, that I struggle to even tell people in my medical school, because I don't want any judgment to be passed.
But there's a huge stigma behind it and I'm trying really hard to, overcome that and be able to tell people because right now, almost all the people that go to, I go to school with just know like he passed away and that's it. And I don't really follow up with any other questions. And if they ask any other questions, I just say, not comfortable speaking about it right now.
It's.
Coping with Grief and Moving Forward
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[00:31:04] Meaghan: Something that, because of that, I wanted to come on here because it's not always the addict that is the one passing away from something like this, unfortunately, now freak accidents, and that's how I describe it a lot of times with CAM happen. I've looked into it, and there have been, like, Situations where people have, trusted someone and smoked some weed or trusted someone and took something that they shouldn't have.
And it ended up being laced and then dying and then never having any sort of substance abuse issues or addiction previously.
[00:31:41] Emily: Yeah, I don't have any stats to say how common it is, but I do see it a lot in the different Facebook groups I'm in where there were accidental overdoses or exposures and it's not even a drug that typically that person would have taken or, it was someone that they trusted and they all echo your sentiment.
We feel there's this big stigma around it or that. Our grief is diminished because of how, our spouse died, even spouses with a loss to suicide. It's the same, people have their judgments about it and they feel afraid to speak out about what really happened and to feel that they can grieve openly because of fear of that judgment.
So I'm just so grateful that you're willing to be open about it because I know so many widows are going to hear it and be like, Oh, that sounds like my story too.
[00:32:35] Meaghan: Yeah, for sure. And whether it's, a freak accident or someone who has struggled with addiction, it doesn't lessen the grief at all.
No matter how they die, I feel like it, there's no lessening of the grief. I've battled with the thought of what if he would have I would have had notice, what if he would have just gotten sick and I had to deal with it over time, or I've struggled with the thought of yes, he overdosed and what if they would have saved him sooner and he would have But his brain would have gone without oxygen and I would have been like the main caretaker now of him, things like that of would I have wanted that, and it's.
It's hard. You, your brain after loss, like never experienced loss like this, just plays those what if scenarios so much. It's insane how much your brain can just sit there and run through all these crazy not crazy, but all these scenarios. And you're just like, okay, enough, shut down, please. I'm tired.
I want to go to bed. Cause that typically is whenever those like to play for me.
[00:33:38] Emily: Yeah. And. We do like to compare ourselves a lot, right? And think about someone else had it easier or they had it harder, or if their spouse had a terminal diagnosis, they had time, they should have known.
And I guess we could say we all should know because we all are going to die one day. And there are so many people I talk to that their spouse did have a terminal diagnosis. But yet it felt like to have those conversations was giving up. It felt like a betrayal to the hope that they were going to be in the one person that made it or that they were going to have a way more time than they thought that they did.
And so I had to come to acceptance of there's no good way to lose your spouse. There's, things that we can think are pros and cons, but at the end of the day, Loss is still loss and it hurts. It's hard. So hard.
[00:34:35] Meaghan: It's very difficult. Yeah, so it was a lot to handle.
Struggles of Single Parenthood
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[00:34:42] Meaghan: The biggest thing and the one thing that like, I still feel pretty selfish about is obviously one of my thoughts is like, what the heck am I going to do?
I'm in the middle. Of medical school, I'm about 150, 000 K in debt and I can't quit now. What am I going to do as a single mom? What am I going to do? And it was difficult because Cam was the main caretaker of Reed for a year and a half, two years. Like that. While he's a mama's boy Cam took care of him.
Cam did everything. He was such a good dad. People used to ask me all the time, how do you make it work? How are you a mom and in medical school? And I literally would be like, what do you mean? I have it made. I have a husband who will literally take care of my kid for me all day.
So I don't have to worry about him. And then at home, I come home after studying, I treat it like an eight to five, come home after studying and he'll make dinner for me and help me. Do I'll try to help, but he's most of the time I'll do the dishes. I got it. He was phenomenal. Like support system throughout everything.
When I lost him, I just was like, not only was like, what the heck do I do with my grief? And how do I even continue medical school, but like, how do I even be a mom now? Because I feel like Cam's just taking on that role. Much for me to help support me through medical school. I don't even know how to do this.
What do I do? It was a hard transition and I'm still struggling with it daily. I still, we always like, and again, not trying to get into controversial topics, but we always were like, we don't want to automatically go to Spanking our kid or disciplining him like that.
We want to try a different approach. I feel like that's like the new wave of parents of wanting to try more of a, like a gentle parenting or approach. And I feel like now that he's gone, because we used to like, Tag each other out when we were feeling frustrated more so him tagging me out if I was feeling overwhelmed and frustrated with medical school That he like I don't have that person to tag me out, you know now So now I just have to deal with how do I deal with being over stimulated?
overwhelmed with school and being still like treating my son with respect, but still setting firm boundaries and parenting him, because it's not something that I had to do necessarily before. 'cause Cam would tag me out and be like, Hey, go take a go, take a walk. Go take a breather for a second.
I got this. Yeah. That's one of the hardest parts.
[00:37:28] Emily: Yeah.
Finding Support and Self-Care
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[00:37:29] Emily: I think the biggest help for me was. And sometimes I'll be consistent and sometimes not, but carving out time for things that filled my cup back up. Especially as somebody who's very introverted and needs a lot of downtime. I have four teenagers and it was just like, God bless you.
Yeah, like I need some mom time to function. And when you have a five year old, that's, a whole different scenario. But what I noticed that sometimes we do as widows is we give and we give and we give and then our nerves are on edge and our nervous system is pushing back and we're irritable and we think we're always doing the right thing by showing up and being there and not being able to turn off, but we're showing up as not the best version of ourselves and logistically, sometimes it's difficult to figure those things out.
But we have to carve out time for something that refreshes us, whether maybe it's a massage, maybe it's just reading a fiction book, like something that's just enjoyable to read, not school assignments. Yes, I agree with that. Yeah, I think that's so important as we're just trying to survive day by day and figure out what this new routine looks like.
For sure.
[00:38:49] Meaghan: I think I took a break. I agree. From school I took a semester off, so I didn't go back until January. Of 2024 so this beginning of this year and it was. It was hard because I had to move, right? We were initially supposed to move to Florida at the beginning of September.
I contacted them and told them Florida wouldn't work because it was like all over Florida, like different hospitals. I was like, that's just not feasible for a single mom. Now. I just can't do that. And they gave me a little pushback. They initially told me I would have to pay to change.
Like 8, 000 to pay. And I was like, yep, don't have that. I'm good with quitting. Like at that point in time, it just was like, nothing matters. It does not matter. Literally I just lost the love of my life. So if you think that's gonna like matter, then I don't care I'm out, thing. But luckily I had a lot of friends and support that pushed back and helped me figure that out.
And Talk with the school and the school worked with me to waive that fee and stuff like that. But It was, it's just difficult to move to a new city be a single mom, try to find friends, right? Try to find my new way of life, and like you said, carve out that time of Okay, I need to just, honestly, my favorite thing is just laying in the bed.
I just need I used to, I'll never forget, Cam used to put Reed in the bath and wash him for me, and I, that was my time after medical school to just lay on my phone, lay in the bed for 15 minutes and just scroll social media, and I don't get that time anymore. I'll never forget.
After Cam died and like crying for like the whole session of my therapy session being like, I just don't have that 15 minutes anymore during bath time. I don't have it. What am I gonna do? I'm losing it. I need that 15 minutes. And so it's just, I don't know, you just feel insane sometimes, but you make it work and you figure out, okay, I can wait another hour.
To get through bath, take a deep breath, let Reed watch a show, read a book, put them to bed. And then I can have unlimited doesn't have to be 15 minutes, right? I can have some time to scroll, which can be a good or bad thing about the 15 minute rule, but, have that time to scroll and spend a little bit of me time to just decompress.
[00:41:23] Emily: Yeah, that's really important and I found for myself that you know when the kids come home from school It's just non stop until the evening. So I take about 15 or 20 minutes before When I can before they come home from school to like transition from work mode to mom mode And to just give myself like give my brain a breather like let it take a break from Everything that I've been doing throughout the day and getting ready for You know them walking in the door and tell me about their day and all of that So I feel for you because as a mom, it's really hard.
[00:41:58] Meaghan: Yes. Yes But we got it.
[00:42:03] Emily: Yes.
Final Thoughts and AdviceAdvice and Encouragement for Widows
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[00:42:03] Emily: Meaghan any last words of advice or encouragement that you would give to other widows who are maybe in the early days of what you've gone through?
[00:42:13] Meaghan: Yeah, I think just, Really leaning into support system, whether that is friends, family, your therapist what have you, whatever is easiest for you and telling them I think having conversations with them and saying for me, at least it was like, I enjoyed talking about him. I love talking about him. And a lot of times people, society likes, gets worried about bringing up people that have passed and they tiptoe around it and they are worried that they're going to make you upset. And so I had to tell friends and family I enjoy talking about him.
Even if I start to cry, It's like usually tears of like happiness because I like remembering him and I like talking about him. And I think a lot of times people just tiptoe around it. So I think just letting them know, okay, I might cry, but it's okay. Don't feel the need to fix it. I'm okay. I can cry and it'd be okay, but I want to talk about him.
So please, if you feel like. A memory pops up in your head and you want to talk about it. I would love to, that's all I want to do, and then just being like, forgiving to yourself. I know I like get onto myself if. Me and Reed have a rough day or, parenting doesn't go the way I want it to, or things just aren't working out for me.
But I just have to remember to like, give myself a little bit of grace and be forgiving at times because. You're going through something that's really traumatic and there is a physical response to it. So the brain fog is real, very much real. And the grief is very much real and just don't discount your feelings.
Embrace them as much as you can and try to be forgiving to yourself and give yourself grace.
[00:44:05] Emily: That's wonderful advice and sometimes hard for people that are overachievers and go getters, but it's very sound advice. So Meaghan thank you so much for coming on the show today and just being willing to share your story and to help encourage and inspire other widows.
[00:44:21] Meaghan: Yeah. Thank you so much for having me.
Join the Brave Widow Community
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[00:44:23] Emily: Are you a widow who feels disconnected? Do you feel like you're stuck or even going backwards in your grief? Widowhood can be lonely and isolating, but it doesn't have to be. Join us in the Brave Widow membership community and connect. We teach widows how to find hope, heal their heart, and dream again for the future.
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